It’s been little more than two weeks, but it seems like all the commotion around ‘Slap Gate’ is finally starting to die down, just in time for a new celebrity controversy to break through. And the latest star to come under fire is Ezra Miller.
The actor, who uses they/them pronouns, was in We Need To Talk About Kevin and The Perks Of Being A Wallflower. Their esoteric fashion choices on the red carpet have also made them a style icon in recent years. But arguably, they’re best known for their role as the Flash in the DC Extended Universe (DCEU), appearing in Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice, Suicide Squad, and, Justice League. And a standalone movie, The Flash, is slated to hit theaters in the summer of 2023.
As if being part of one huge Warner Bros franchise wasn’t enough, Ezra was also cast in Fantastic Beasts. You might remember a different Fantastic Beasts star better, though: Johnny Depp. Whether or not you saw the films, there’s no doubt you were well aware of Johnny Depp’s inclusion, and subsequent exclusion, in the series. The star famously “resigned” from his Fantastic Beasts role in 2020 upon the studio’s request. This resignation, along with Disney’s dismissal of the actor from the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, came after Depp lost a libel lawsuit against a British newspaper that accused him of being abusive toward his ex-wife, Amber Heard. In a true full-circle moment, Amber Heard is also a part of the DCEU—she played Mera in Justice League and again in Aquaman. Which brings us to the current controversy surrounding one Ezra Miller.
On March 28, Ezra was arrested in Hawaii for disorderly conduct after a karaoke bar altercation that involved them yelling at a woman singing, grabbing the microphone from her, and then lunging at a man playing darts. The very next day, things took a turn for the worse when a local couple filed a restraining order against Ezra alleging that the actor broke into their home, stole from them, and threatened to kill them.
The incident is making plenty of waves—from fans taking to Twitter to petition the actor’s replacement in the DCEU to conflicting reports about Warner Bros’ reaction (according to Rolling Stone, executives held an emergency meeting and agreed to pause future projects with Ezra; a source from the studio later denied this claim).
This isn’t the first time Ezra has demonstrated problematic behavior. Back in 2020, a video surfaced showing them grabbing a woman by the throat, choking her, and pushing her to the floor. Earlier this year, in January, they posted an Instagram story inexplicably threatening a specific chapter of the Ku Klux Klan. And prior to their recent arrest, police in Hawaii were called on them 10 times in the month of March.
So, yeah. People are talking. With Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore hitting theaters everywhere this month, that’s not exactly surprising. But the conversation around Ezra Miller has expanded in recent days; it’s no longer an issue of this actor facing public backlash but of all actors who’ve faced backlash.
The latest installment of Fantastic Beasts sees Mads Mikkelsen as Grindelwald, the character formerly portrayed by Johnny Depp. It’s not the first time an actor has been replaced on account of widespread controversy (see Kevin Spacey, Lori Loughlin, and Chris D’Elia), but it caused quite an uproar when it happened with #JusticeForJohnny trending on Twitter. Fans were equally upset with Warner Bros when Amber Heard wasn’t fired from her role in the DCEU despite the domestic violence allegations against her.
Now, with Ezra Miller’s scandal unfolding, plenty of comparisons between them and Johnny Depp/Amber Heard are being drawn. And of course, people are finding a way to bring Will Smith into the conversation as well. His fallout after the Oscars has been widespread and enormous, as a number of his upcoming projects have reportedly been either pulled or put on hold.
So, it begs the question: why hasn’t Ezra faced similar consequences?
Despite the fact that not every scandal is the same, it’s a valid question. Johnny Depp was effectively blacklisted from Hollywood even though he’s denied the claims of abuse, even going so far as to sue his ex-wife for defamation. Will Smith was condemned following the infamous slap and banned from the Oscars for the next decade. But the conversations about Ezra seem to show far more compassion and empathy.
Why? Is it, as some have suggested, an issue of race? A matter of publicity? Will Smith and Johnny Depp are both bigger names whose media coverage was vastly greater than Ezra’s. Or, is it a matter of money?
Personally, I suspect the latter. When Johnny Depp was recast in the franchise back in 2020, filming had started, but the actor had only completed one scene. Replacing him might have delayed the schedule, but it didn’t completely sink the project. As for Will Smith, a number of his films have reportedly been put on hold, but for the most part, they’re in pre-production.
Meanwhile, The Flash has already been filmed; to recast and reshoot now would likely cost a fortune. Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore had its world premiere in London at the end of March; pulling it entirely would be an incredible loss for the studio.
Thus, his disparate treatment could simply be a matter of timing and the bottom line. But one thing’s for certain: Ezra Miller can’t afford another controversy. Otherwise, his future projects might be canceled in a flash.
UPDATE 4/25: Just a few weeks after a restraining order was filed against them, Miller was arrested in Hawaii for second-degree assault. On April 19, the actor was at a private residence. When they were asked to leave, they allegedly became angered and threw a chair at a woman, leaving her with an injury on her forehead (for which she refused treatment). The arrest, Miller’s second, came less than a week after the release of Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore.
Images: Lester Cohen/Getty Images for Universal Music Group
It feels like 2019 was the year of celebrity weddings. Every time we scrolled through our Instagram feeds we were inundated with the biggest stars in gorgeous gowns, over-the-top cakes and breathtaking venues. With so many bashes it’s too difficult to pick a top 10, or even a top 20, so instead we decided to hand out superlatives, high school style.
Fastest Engagement: Chris Lane & Lauren Bushnell
Country singer Chris Lane and The Bachelor alum Lauren Bushnell got engaged in Lane’s parents’ backyard in Oregon in June and were married in Nashville at the end of October. An engagement this fast might cause the average bride to quite literally die from stress, but when you’re a celebrity, a four-month planning cycle somehow results in a stress-free, flawless wedding that would take us average people a solid year and a half to plan. If you, like Chris and Lauren, want a shorter engagement, keep your guest list short, buy a dress at a sample sale, and be prepared to be flexible when it comes to location, since most venues will already be booked. All we can say is GOOD LUCK.
Best Guest List: Justin Bieber & Hailey Baldwin
The Biebers tied the knot for the second time at a luxury resort in South Carolina on September 30th. They first got married in New York last fall in a civil ceremony, and they really outdid themselves the second time around. Their wedding guest list was basically a who’s who of Hollywood’s hottest stars, which included Kendall and Kylie Jenner, Usher, Jaden Smith, Joan Smalls, Dan + Shay, Justine Skye, Kris Jenner, and Corey Gamble, among others. If you’re hoping a famous celeb shows up to your wedding, there’s not much in the way of advice we can give you. You may have to settle for a Cameo shout-out from your favorite reality star instead.
Best Documented: Ashley Iaconetti & Jared Haibon
This is pretty much the only celebrity wedding where we don’t find ourselves saying, “I wish I was there” because honestly, we basically were. Between the tons of publicity given to them by People (even their effing rehearsal dinner photos were published) and the overload of Instagram stories posted by fellow Bachelor alums, we can confidently say we know everything about Jared and Ashley’s wedding weekend in Newport, Rhode Island. We know we’re not the only ones who spent their whole Saturday evening watching the live social media streams. Anyone else feel hungover the next day? If you want to relive every second of the magic that is your wedding day, encourage your guests to post on their Instagram stories and use your hashtag. You’ll be more than happy to see a replay of the big day on your social media feed the next day.
Best Dress: Katherine Schwarzenegger
On the red carpet, all eyes are usually on Chris Pratt, but when Katherine Schwarzenegger posted a dreamy photo of her and her new hubby, it was the jaw-drop heard around the world. The bride looked drop-dead gorg in a custom-made form-fitting gown from Giorgio Armani. The lace column gown featured a full skirt that turned into a long train. The bride brought old and new together when she paired a short veil with her mother Maria Shriver’s tulle one. The fit was flawless and left brides-to-be around the country wondering how the f*ck she got that body. If you’re looking to replicate this on your wedding day, opt for something lacy and body-hugging to show off your natural curves. And maybe don’t look at pictures of Katherine Schwarzenegger on the morning of your wedding, unless you’re a masochist.
Best Venue: Miles Teller & Keleigh Sperry
The longtime couple got hitched in Maui, Hawaii in September. They exchanged vows in a local church and held their reception outside overlooking the pristine Hawaiian ocean, creating a picture-perfect event. We can’t say we’re surprised they chose such a spectacular location after the proposal took place during a safari trip in South Africa. All we can wonder is, where TF are these crazy kids going to go next? If you want a destination wedding that’s half as glam as theirs, think about a favorite vacation spot or somewhere that’s relatively easy to travel to (if you want a larger guest list). Just keep in mind, a destination wedding usually means less guests will be able to make it (but maybe that’s a good thing).
Best Officiant: Brittany Cartwright & Jax Taylor
Brittany and Jax got married in a lavish ceremony at a majestic castle in Versailles, Kentucky. And then, to top it all off, Lance f*cking Bass married them. Apparently he was their back-up because their first choice, LVP, couldn’t make it (which is true blasphemy, in what world is Lance Bass a back-up anything?). To top it off, he graced guests with his presence on the dance floor during “Bye, Bye, Bye” and made everyone’s childhood dreams come true. Want a celebrity officiant? Who knows, maybe Jax and Brittany inspired him to launch the next phase of his career as an officiant! One can dream, right?
Most “I Could Never Pull That Off” Wedding: Zoë Kravitz and Karl Glusman
When it comes to celebrity fashion, we often find ourselves saying, “Wtf are they wearing?” Or, “I could never pull that off.” And when it came to Zoe Kravitz and Karl Glusman’s Parisian wedding this past July, we once again found ourselves thinking the same thing. I mean, the girl showed up to her rehearsal dinner in bridal biker shorts for God’s sake, which she wore under a custom-made see-through net dress, obviously. On the day of the wedding the couple sported matching leather jackets, which had a sketch of one another on the one they wore. And of course, they posted absolutely no photos of any of it. Talk about a wedding that was too cool for us peasants to achieve. If you’re feeling the urge to go rogue and rock bike shorts and leather on your wedding day, why the hell not? Rules are made to be broken.
Most Improved: Joe Jonas & Sophie Turner
From an impromptu wedding in Vegas the night after the Billboard Music Awards officiated by an Elvis impersonator and captured by Diplo, to an elegant and romantic affair at a French chateau, there’s no doubt this couple wins the award for most improved wedding. When they first exchanged vows at The Little White Chapel in May, Sophie wore a silk jumpsuit and the couple posed for photos on the hood of a hot pink car. These spontaneous nuptials felt lightyears away when images of their wedding in France were released and Sophie was outfitted in a traditional lace long-sleeve gown with a delicate veil. We have to admit, we kind of love this idea of having both an impromptu party and a more planned out, traditional one. If you’re torn between two styles—why not go for both?
Images: Getty Images; laurenlane, haileybieber, ashleyiaconetti, katherineschwarzenegger, keleigh_sperry, brittany, sophiet / Instagram
Bachelorette couple JoJo Fletcher and Jordan Rodgers are FINALLY getting married (smh it’s been 3 years…). The couple are getting ready for their spring/summer 2020 wedding, and we couldn’t be more excited. On our newest episode of the Betches Brides podcast, JoJo sat down and told us the ins and outs of what she has in mind for her upcoming ceremony. Here are 5 tips she gave us on how to plan a wedding after the madness that is The Bachelorette.
1. Wait To Get Married
It’s not rocket science, but apparently people forget this: The Bachelor/Bachelorette isn’t the real world. IRL, you aren’t traveling to Latvia with three of your potential fiancés, all expenses paid, and having a date card reveal your next destination. This can pose challenges to an engaged couple once the cameras stop rolling, because as JoJo explains, you may think you’re getting to know someone on the show, but the truth is, you aren’t. She emphasized that while on the show, “It’s this whirlwind romance, you’re on a high and you come off and you’re thinking that you totally know this person but, in all honesty, you really don’t.” As annoying as it is for us fans that she and now-fiancé Jordan have been engaged for three years with no wedding, JoJo explains that that time was what they needed to create a healthy and happy relationship together. She doesn’t even think their relationship would have lasted otherwise. “If Jordan and I were to have gotten off the show engaged and started planning a wedding right after,” she says, “we probably would not have made it.”
2. Decide What Kind Of Role You Want The Show To Have
On the Betches Brides podcast, JoJo makes it clear that she does NOT want her wedding to have anything to do with the show. She says, “it definitely won’t be some sort of Bachelor/Bachelorette wedding—I know that for sure.” She wants to be able to share some of her wedding with her fans but emphasizes, “Jordan and I are firm on that we don’t want our wedding to be a produced event.” Sad that means we can’t watch it, but happy for them overall.
3. Come Up With A Vision
Before you can do anything to start preparing for your wedding, you need to figure out what you want it to look like. For JoJo, she wants her ceremony to be, as she puts it, “whimsical and beautiful and outdoorsy”. Though she doesn’t know the style she wants for her dress, she knows she wants “to feel like it is my wedding day—I don’t want a dress that I feel like I can wear to some white party gala. I want to feel truly bridal.” I mean, don’t we all want that?
4. Decide On Your Wedding Party
When it comes to the guest list, Jojo is trying to keep it small. She wants the guest list to be around 150 people whereas Jordan thinks it will be much larger than that (yikes). What JoJo is certain about is that she is not into the whole “Vegas thing” for a Bachelorette party. She mentions, “I just want to be on a beach, I want spa, I want sun, I want girlfriends. I’m not a big clubber.” As for Jordan, his idea of a great Bachelor party would be, “going to play golf and then going to a little hole in the wall sports bar and having a beer with his buddies.” And finally…
5. Get Your Finances In Order
JoJo is on top of her sh*t when it comes to $$$. She and Jordan have sat down with a financial planner from Northwestern Mutual to discuss finances and future plans for their marriage. She says, “Meeting with that advisor from Northwestern Mutual totally made me so much more confident in what finances will look like as a couple and I would recommend it to anybody.” She said the advisor guided a much-needed financial conversation to prepare them for the future together. JoJo recommends all newly weds or anybody engaged to do it. “Have that conversation,” she urges, “it puts you in a way better place, and honestly, it was the best thing for Jordan and I.”
I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty impressed with JoJo and how shes handling her plans. She’s super chill (honesty maybe a little too chill) and made it clear that all she wants is a ceremony to get married to the love of her life and that’s all— no bullsh*t. I’m happy for her and Jordan and I am SO excited to see the pics. Listen to the rest of the Betches Brides podcast for more insider sneak peeks of her upcoming wedding.
Images: @joelle_fletcher/Instagram; Shutterstock
When it comes to celebrity couples, we all have that one. You know, the one you think are completely rock solid and take for granted. The one that, to you, exemplifies true love. The one that, if they were to break up, would signify that love as we know it does not exist. For me, that couple is probably Chrissy Teigen and John Legend. But if you’re a teenager and Riverdale fan, that couple might be Cole Sprouse and Lili Reinhart, who are (were?) a couple on Riverdale and in real life. So I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news when I tell you that multiple outlets are reporting Cole Sprouse and Lili Reinhart may have broken up.
Cole and Lili, who play Jughead Jones and Betty Cooper, respectively, on Riverdale, started dating two years ago. They started dating secretly in July of 2017 and started publicly flirting on Twitter a few months later, in February of 2017. They were known for generally being pretty cute towards each other on social media, without being over-the-top or annoying. They would also post these beautiful, artsy photos of each other, because I guess that’s what you do when you’re young and in a relationship in 2019.
Or at least, Cole would post artsy photos of Lili. Lili posted pretty normal looking pictures. Still cute, though.
Now, though, outlets are reporting that the two have split. A source told Us Weekly that they overheard Cole telling a friend that he and Lili were broken up. WHAT?! I’m going to need a transcription of exactly what was said and an itemized list of the reasons they supposedly broke up. Now, an anonymous tabloid source isn’t exactly ironclad evidence of a breakup, but apparently, Cole and Lili “kept their distance” and “were rarely seen together” while at San Diego Comic Con this past weekend. Awkward. If I can think of the last place on Earth I’d want to be with my recent ex, it would be an overcrowded convention center or hotel ballroom. Also, Lili posted a picture of herself sitting between KJ Apa and Cole at a panel at Comic Con and captured it, “Please don’t put me between these two ever again.”
However, I’m going to go ahead and say that this is just a cheeky Instagram caption, and trying to read into it for evidence that Cole and Lili have broken up is a big reach (Cosmo).
For now, neither Lili nor Cole have officially confirmed the breakup, but five days ago, Lili posted this tweet. Again, it’s not evidence of a breakup, but it seems kind of shady in retrospect, like all Khloé Kardashian’s sub-Insta Stories directed at Tristan Thompson.
One must choose very wisely when considering how many fucks to give. Don’t give your fucks away so easily. Don’t let someone who is not worthy of any fucks, take your fucks away from you. Some things/people are just not worth it. ?? amen.
— Lili Reinhart (@lilireinhart) July 17, 2019
I crunched the numbers, and there are precisely two types of situations in which I would post something about giving f*cks to the wrong person: a job that destroyed my mental health, or a guy who f*cked me over. I’m personally leaning towards the latter because this reads like the exact type of tweet I would post after finding out a guy who never had time to see me because of “personal issues” was going on multiple dates with other girls. (And also because of confirmation bias.) But again, without any official word from either Cole or Lili’s camp, this proof is about as solid as my conspiracy theory that McDonald’s never made ice cream, they just put dummy machines in all their locations so you’ll keep going back and buying something in the hopes that one day, the ice cream machine will be working.
Then again, despite reports that Cole and Lili were basically avoiding each other at Comic Con, Cole was on Lili’s story as recently as a few hours ago.
This looks like the exact type of light poking fun these two are known for, and not really like a “get me away from my ex” post. So one question remains: What is the truth??
I think I speak for all of us when I say, let’s all hope this is just a bad rumor. I won’t go so far as to say that love is dead if Cole Sprouse and Lili Reinhart are no longer together, but I will say that the world would have lost another attractive celebrity couple who are generally pretty cute and seem sincerely into each other. For now, we’ll have to wait and see.
Images: lilireinhart / Twitter; lilireinhart, colesprouse / Instagram
Ashton Kutcher’s life turned into a live-action episode of Dateline last week when he had to testify at a murder trial. No, this was not an elaborate stunt he concocted to convince MTV to bring back Punk’d (although I fully support any show that makes Justin Timberlake cry), this is real life. So now I’m sure you’re thinking, “WTF is Ashton doing testifying in this case, and more importantly, why is he sporting facial hair that makes it look like he’s the sexual predator?” Never fear, FBI agent Sweetest Betch is here to take the case.
So here are the facts. Ashton testified in the case against the “Hollywood Ripper,” who is accused of murdering at least two women, including Ashley Ellerin, a girl Ashton was seeing at the time. The “Hollywood Ripper” is obviously a nickname given to the alleged killer in an attempt to sensationalize the case *check* and terrify the public *check*. My favorite profiler, S.S.A. Agent Hotchner, would not approve. Anyway, the alleged killer’s real name is Michael Gargiulo, so I’m pretty sure he is also a former Bachelorette contestant and my local news anchor.
Here’s what happened. On the night of February 21, 2000, Ashton went over to Ashley’s Hollywood home to pick her up and go out to dinner and drinks. They had spoken earlier that night, at 8:24pm, but by the time Ashton got to her apartment at 10:45pm (for dinner? Really, pal?), Ashley was not answering. Police believe that after talking to Ashton, Ashley was attacked from behind by Gargiulo, who allegedly stabbed her 47 times and then fled the scene. When Ashton got to the apartment, he rang the doorbell but no one answered. He looked in the window and saw what he thought was red wine spilled on the carpet, which he didn’t think was weird because she had had a party days earlier. Ashton left, figuring she bailed on him because he was so late to pick her up. He found out the next day that she had been brutally murdered, and that definitely wasn’t wine. Oh no.
Ashton also testified that the next day police approached him and he was “freaking out” because his fingerprints were on the door. He was never considered a suspect, but imagine if he was falsely imprisoned?! The world would never have been blessed with his star-making turn as Steve Jobs, or been able to Netflix and chill while watching The Ranch, or enjoyed his time on Two and a Half Men, or wait… I’d be kind of fine with that?
Ashley Ellerin was a student at L.A.’s Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising when she met Ashton, and was originally from Northern California. She allegedly encountered Gargiulo when he offered to help her when she had a flat tire, and then he began showing up at her home unannounced. Seriously, and I cannot stress this enough, f*ck that guy.
Gargiulo is also charged with the murder of Maria Bruno, the attempted murder of Michelle Murphy, and is suspected of murdering Tricia Pacaccio. Prosecutors are seeking the death penalty. Based on my knowledge of over 200 hours of Criminal Minds, I can say confidently and with no authority whatsoever that Michael Gargiulo is a human piece of trash. Well he’s worse than that, but I can’t think of better words than that because I’m so mad right now. If he is found guilty, I hope he is sentenced to the maximum punishment and is also forced to watch Two and a Half Men on a loop for the rest of his life. Welcome to the bad place, Michael.
Images: Giphy (2)
A doppelgänger is defined as someone who looks like someone else, but is not related to them, and I am genuinely convinced that everyone has a doppelgänger somewhere in the world. For me, that happens to be my younger sister. I know, I know. “Not related to them” is a crucial aspect of the definition. But we are like, identical twins with a four-year age gap…it’s spooky. Like, when we do the face swap on Snapchat, you literally can’t tell the difference. But while we look the same because we are related, there are tons of celebrities who look freakishly similar, even though they have no relation to each other. Think Katy Perry and Zooey Deschanel (or this random dude who got punched because he looked like Shia LaBeouf). They look freakishly alike, but come from different backgrounds, do different things, and are different people. Here are some of my personal favorite celebrity doppelgängers; try not to be weirded out.
Amy Adams & Isla Fisher
These two get mistaken v frequently. Like when Lady Gaga thanked Fisher for her performance in American Hustle at a Vanity Fair party, or a woman in Ikea asked her to sing a song from Enchanted. This confusion scored her a PSA on Jimmy Kimmel and tbh, I still get confused. These two even played alternate versions of the same character in Nocturnal Animals, and I’m still creeped out from seeing it like, three years ago.
Natalie Portman & Keira Knightley
To me, these two actresses look super similar, and Hollywood seems to think so too. When Knightley was 12, she played Portman’s double in Star Wars, so that’s probably when the confusion started. Knightley was once chased through an airport after being mistaken for Portman. Besides the height difference (Knightley is about two inches taller), this duo is one of the most similar-looking celebrity pairs.
Stephen Colbert & Bob Saget
This one cracks me up, and is honestly a little creepy. Although Reddit seems to believe they are just two old white men, I think their resemblance is a little more than that. While Colbert hosts The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, Saget is our fav TV dad, Danny Tanner, on Full House. But if Colbert is ever too sick to go to work, I’m sure Bob Saget could step in, and would just need a slightly different pair of glasses.
Nina Dobrev & Victoria Justice
To be honest, when I first watched The Vampire Diaries, I genuinely thought, “Hey, it’s that girl from Victorious.” Whoops. Honestly, they should have used Victoria Justice as Katherine Pierce in The Vampire Diaries instead of Dobrev. But in all seriousness, these two celebs are probs the closest-looking doppelgängers on this list. It’s crazy. They have the same skin tone, hair color, and eerily similar facial features. I can’t look at these photos for too long, because I’m going to lose my mind.
Leighton Meester & Minka Kelly
The Gossip Girl and Friday Night Lights stars are extremely similar-looking. What makes these celebrity doppelgängers even harder to tell apart? They were in a movie together (The Roommate), which definitely forced the audience to ask if it was one actress playing both roles or not.
Austin Butler & Chord Overstreet
These two pretty blonde dudes look v similar. Butler starred in Switched at Birth, while Overstreet was a regular on Glee. Other than their looks, the only thing these guys have in common is that Austin Butler’s girlfriend Vanessa Hudgens (they’re still together, despite our predictions) starred in High School Musical, while Overstreet was on a TV show about high school musicals. I feel like there’s a conspiracy theory somewhere in there.
Jennifer Lawrence & Bella Hadid
Other than their hair colors, these two definitely could be celebrity doppelgängers, don’t @ me! I know this is a more controversial pick. Their facial features are pretty much where their similarities end, though, as they really couldn’t be more different. J-Law is definitely too awkward to be a runway model, and I really can’t imagine what Bella Hadid would be like as an actress.
Jeffrey Dean Morgan & Javier Bardem
Jeffrey Dean Morgan (aka Denny Duquette, RIP) and Javier Bardem are like the American and Spanish version of each other. Besides their looks, they are both actors who are married to stunning ladies. Morgan has been married to Hilarie Burton (yes, Peyton Sawyer from One Tree Hill) since 2014, and Bardem has been married to Penélope Cruz since 2010.
There are a ton more celebrity doppelgängers not on this list. Lmk which ones are your favorite in the comments, and tell me if any of these ones are lame, and I just need to get my eyes checked.
Images: Shutterstock (16)
We’ve barely made a dent in 2019, and we’ve already had some major sh*t thrown at us. Aunt Becky is a hardened criminal facing jail time, A-Rod gave J.Lo an engagement ring big enough to make her forget the cheating rumors, and now Kim Kardashian is apparently going to become a lawyer without ever attending law school. And if that wasn’t enough to process, we’ve also had some major celebrity breakups of 2019. It turns out even celebrities just want someone to face their racist grandma with at the holidays, and then they want to drop them as soon as the honey baked ham goes cold.
Unfortunately for me, this does not apply to my crush who is currently cruising the Caribbean with his girlfriend and her family and probably enjoying the all-you-can-eat buffet or proposing or something equally horrifying. I’m totally handling it well, and not at all writing this article from my darkened room where my only companion is a bag of Doritos. But I digress. Let’s forget about my tragic reality, and instead take a look at the celebrities that have broken up so far this year, and TBH we’re lucky a few of them didn’t end in murder-suicide.
Emma Roberts and Evan Peters
You would think that the first time Emma was arrested for assaulting Evan these two would have broken up, but you’d be wrong. Young love is strong as sh*t you guys, hormones are no joke, and they clearly had a strong hold on Emma’s brain in her early days. The couple remained on and off for another SIX years after that, assaulting each other in private, I assume. They finally broke up in March of this year, and Emma immediately appeared out with Garrett Hedlund, who most recently played a sexy Special Forces dude in a Ben Affleck movie, which in my opinion is a major upgrade to the guy that played a nerd in Sleepover.
Lady Gaga and Christian Carino
So apparently Lady Gaga was engaged to her manager, Christian Carino, and they broke up right before the Oscars. Did literally anyone know about him? I’m sorry, she is LADY GAGA, singer, actress, dancer, mother monster, meat dress wearer, the great bambino, and I had to google his last name. I can not even picture his face. Does he even have a face? This all seems very off-balance to me. It’s definitely right that they broke up, because Gaga needs to be with someone more on her level, like say, Jesus Christ or Bradley Cooper. We all saw that mad chemistry in A Star is Born, unless you’re my mother and slept through the whole thing except the part where he pees himself at the Grammys, and you could cut that sexual tension with a knife. Now Bradley, just ditch that model girlfriend and abandon that adorable child of yours (she’s so young she won’t even remember you!) so that world can have the couple of our dreams. We deserve it.
Demi Lovato and Henry Levy
Demi Lovato and “fashion designer” Henry Levy broke up this March after dating for five months. I’m using air quotes here because I’m more familiar with Forever 21’s spring line than anything this man has ever created. I think this breakup is for the best; should Demi really have been dating only a few months after relapsing? I think they say if you’re in treatment for substance abuse you shouldn’t date someone for at least a year, and yes I did get that from a Sandra Bullock movie. I think it’s probably best she focus on her recovery anyway, because I need her to be happy and healthy so she can put out another banger like “Skyscraper”. Am I right?!
You got this, girl
Jeff Bezos and MacKenzie Bezos
I know you youths out there probably don’t care about this one, but come on, Jeff Bezos is the richest guy in the world, and he just ditched his wife to send “u up” texts to his mistress. Kidding, he actually texts her, “I love you, alive girl. I will show you with my body, and my lips and my eyes, very soon.” Excuse me while I go pour acid into my eyeballs. Needless to say, the couple finalized their divorce a few weeks ago, with MacKenzie receiving 25% of their Amazon stock.
Jeff Bezos is 55 years old, ladies, so I can confirm men do not, in fact, get better. At least MacKenzie has that $35.7 billion to keep her warm at night instead of his body, his lips, and his eyes. I think we’d all prefer that anyway.
Khloé Kardashian and Tristan Thompson
We all know Khloé and Tristan broke up. I’m sick of talking about them but I also didn’t want anyone in the comments to call me a moron for leaving them out. I’m emotionally fragile right now. So here they are! Tristan is a cheating cheater that cheats, and Khloé puts up with it only until she can get the most publicity out of the breakup. You can find many articles about it on this site alone, including the one I wrote, which is the only one I’m going to pimp out here because I’m the worst. You can’t say I’m not self-aware. Enjoy!
What’s been harder & more painful is being hurt by someone so close to me. Someone whom I love & treat like a little sister. But Jordyn is not to be blamed for the breakup of my family. This was Tristan’s fault.
— KoKo (@khloekardashian) March 2, 2019
Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth
Really, truly the most shocking of all. This weekend, we got the news that Miley and Liam are dunzo after less than a year of marriage, because we just can’t have nice things. Miley was then seen making out with Brody Jenner’s ex Kaitlynn Carter in Italy, because we really can’t have nice things.
So those are the major celebrity breakups of 2019. In the next three quarters of this year, prepare for many more breakups *cough* Emma and Garrett *cough* and I hope you’ll all pray that my crush and his girlfriend are also one of them. Thanks!
Images: Giphy (3); ddlovato/Instagram; khloekardashian/Twitter
Gather ’round children, I’d like to tell you a story. Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there were celebrities that became famous after lots of hard work, years of failed efforts, and many sh*tty jobs, and not because they were a pre-pubescent performer with a YouTube channel. I know! It’s hard to believe, but it happened. That time was known as the dark ages the 90s. Some famous people had to waitress or bartend, and the idea of an Instagram model was just a twinkle in Kevin Systrom’s eye. I myself had to work at the movie theater on my way to the top middle management, where the Icee machine constantly exploded on me and I spent hours explaining that I did not set the prices of the food and I too thought that $9 for a small popcorn should be illegal.
But this is article not about me. This is not even about Kim Kardashian, who we all know spent her early days arranging the underwear in Paris Hilton’s closet. It’s not even about Channing Tatum, who was the real life Magic Mike before he gyrated to “Pony” on the big screen. No, this is about the other celebrities. The celebrities that had surprising jobs before they hit it big, the ones we rarely hear about because we’re busy reading about another basketball player that cheated on poor, innocent Khloé Kardashian. So today I’m here to tell you about your favorite celebrities that had surprising jobs before getting famous.
Rachel McAdams Worked At McDonald’s
The Patron Saint of Mean Girls herself, Regina George, actually deigned to ask “would you like fries with that,” for three years straight when she was in her teens. At the time she was also directing kid’s theater which “didn’t pay the bills.” I’m sure! It didn’t pay the bills and she probably ended up with the poop of a tiny human on her hands at least once (the kids I know poop everywhere). Thankfully she has been quoted saying she was an obsessive hand washer, so we know they were clean by the time she got to Ronald McDonald’s house. A major relief to all of you who frequented Canadian McDonald’s in the mid-90’s, I’m sure!
Taylor Swift Worked On Her Family Christmas Tree Farm
Taylor Swift grew up on a farm in Reading, PA, and just like with my parents, they didn’t give birth to her because they wanted her to become an international popstar, they just wanted the free labor. Taylor’s family had a Christmas tree farm on the property, and she has said it was her job to get rid of the praying mantises that resided in the trees so they wouldn’t hatch their babies in customers’ houses. It would be better for my jokes if her job was to remove snakes from the trees, but I’m sure I can come up with something about bugs too. How about this one: I’m sure Taylor just kindly asked the vermin to exclude her from their narrative, one she never asked to be a part of, and they got tf out of those trees. Okay that was bad, but I’ve only had one coffee today so please take pity.
Hugh Jackman Worked At 7-11
Everyone’s favorite X-Men (or is it man?) once worked at a 7-11. I feel like this job has its pros and cons. On the one hand, you get unlimited slurpees. On the other hand, every time I’m in a 7-11 I get the feeling that I’m 90 seconds away from a meth addict robbing the place with a sawed-off shotgun. Thankfully that never happened to our friend Hugh, probably because he was in Australia and not in Florida, but also because he’s chattier than the girl that sits next to you talking about her Keto diet, and it got him fired. That’s right, some lady complained that Hugh talked too much and 7-11 would NOT stand for that. Good to know they draw the line somewhere. My male boss just volunteered to search the ladies’ bathroom in the event of a fire, and everyone laughed. Brb going to 7-11 to fill out an application.
Miley Cyrus Cleaned Houses
This one is a little perplexing, since Miley Cyrus has been getting that Disney paper since her Hannah Montana days, but the internet says she used to clean houses. And obviously everything on the internet is true. Word on the street is that she used to work for a company called “Sparkles Cleaning Service.” Are we sure this was not a plotline on her show, because it certainly sounds like a company an 11-year-old would make up. It’s a good thing she got that experience, though, because years later she offered herself up as a naked maid for charity. God, I forgot there was that period of time where Miley was imitating in real life everything she saw in a porno. Liam and I are glad we’ve moved past that.
See, celebrities are just like us! That is, until they make enough money for their own private jet and the closest they ever get to a McDonald’s again is when their assistant forgot to fast-forward through that commercial on their DVR. Here’s hoping we all get that rich one day!
Images: Shutterstock; Giphy (2); taylorswift/Instagram
