Ryanne
Probst

Ryanne wants you to know that her name is pronounced “Ryan” and that this is her childhood trauma. Formerly published as “It’s Britney, Betch” she’s the resident recapper for all things ‘Bachelor.' When she’s not talking sh*t, she’s drinking $8 wine and contemplating ways to burn ABC studios down to the ground. Catch her on Instagram (@ryprobst) where she’s either posting pictures of her dog or sliding into the DMs of former reality TV dating stars (you know who you are).

Stuff I Wrote

The Best 'Bachelor In Paradise' Week 2 Part 1 Recap You'll Ever Read: Dean Is Canceled

By Ryanne Probst

Did you know we have a podcast dedicated to all things Bachelor-related?!

The Best Glow-Ups On 'Bachelor In Paradise' This Season, Ranked

By Ryanne Probst

Well fam, it’s been a long fucking summer of watching Rachel, a beautiful, smart, career-driven woman with eyelash extensions settle for a man with fake cheeks get engaged to Bryan.

The Best Books To Read While You’re Waiting For Your Favorite TV Shows To Come Back

By Ryanne Probst

We’re in full-swing August now, which means it’s too hot to breathe, let alone like, leave my apartment to do shit.

6 Things You Need To Stop Doing In Your Engagement Photos

By Ryanne Probst

There’s nothing I love more than when my friends tell me they’re getting married.

Anti-Aging Beauty Products You Should Be Using At Every Age To Avoid Botox

By Ryanne Probst

It’s Monday which means instead of living my best life sleeping I’m wearing a real bra and actively trying not to vomit on my keyboard.

The Best Brow Style For Your Face Shape So You Don't End Up Looking Like Sandy Cohen

By Ryanne Probst

I have seen a lot of disturbing shit go down in 2017, like Blac Chyna’s nipples posted on my morning newsfeed and people trying to make just sucked dick lips snogged lips happen.

TV Heartthrobs From Our Teenage Years Who Were Actually Giant Fuckboys

By Ryanne Probst

Growing up there was literally no better time to be alive because the teen dramas were fire during those days.

Does Bryan From 'The Bachelorette' Have Cheek Implants? We Investigate

By Ryanne Probst

This season of The Bachelorette has been more disappointing than my last five Bumble dates, and the bar was set pretty fucking low for both of those things.

The Best 'Bachelorette' Recap You’ll Ever Read: The Men Tell All & Thank God There's Alcohol

By Ryanne Probst

This week on The Bachelorette, instead of finishing up with the fantasy suites or really giving us any sort of resolution from last week’s boring AF meet the parents episode, ABC chose to waste two hours of my life with the Men Tell All.

This Bridezilla Is Making Her Friends Bid On Being In Her Bridal Party

By Ryanne Probst

According to a story originally posted last week to Reddit by user sistersbridesmaids, a bride, who is low-key pettier than me in my Bachelorette group chat when my bracket gets fucked up by Rachel’s heart shitty taste in men, is inviting her friends to bid on a spot in her bridal party.

How To Take Your Makeup From Daytime Glow To Happy Hour Hoe

By Ryanne Probst

It’s Thursday which means it’s practically the weekend and it’s now socially acceptable to show up to work hungover start living my best life at happy hour.

The Best First Date Bars To Take Your Next Bumble Bro

By Ryanne Probst

Every betch has experienced this moment online dating: you swipe right, he swipes right, you get to talking and he doesn’t immediately seem like the type of person who would wear your skin as a suit.

The Best NYC Spray Tan Places That Won’t Make You Look Like Snooki

By Ryanne Probst

August is upon us, which means we’re about to enter that traumatizing stage of summer where it’s too hot to even hit the “continue watching” button on Netflix let alone actually leave your house to go outside and live your life tan.

The Definitive Ranking Of Celebrity Baby Names

By Ryanne Probst

Unless you’re a homeschooled jungle freak with no access to the Internet, you know that last week Beyonce announced the names of our new saviors her newborn twins as Sir & Rumi Carter respectively.

5 Ways To Get Away With Looking Low-Key Slutty At A Wedding

By Ryanne Probst

As a longtime secret hoe (lol I’m not that secret about it) I’m constantly looking to push the envelope bring shame to my mother via my fashion choices.

How To Get Perfect Beach Waves Without Ever Having To Deal With Sand

By Ryanne Probst

We’re in full summer mode rn which means that every girl with an Instagram is trying to out-slut be beachier than their friend with more followers.

How To Remove Every Kind Of Makeup Stain From All Your Stuff

By Ryanne Probst

It’s not an average day for me unless I wake up to some sort of self-inflicted sabotage that's ruining my life and my room décor.

The Best 'Bachelorette' Recap You'll Ever Read: Only Here For The Emotional Baggage

By Ryanne Probst

I’m, like, barely alive from this weekend and trying to combat my raging hangover with wine and Thai food but, like, it’s Monday so I’ll turn up for The Bachelorette regardless.

8 Lit AF Bars To Black Out In This Fourth Of July Weekend

By Ryanne Probst

The Fourth of July is like the unsung hero of drinking holidays in that it comes along in the dead of summer, when the weather is beautiful but I'm still trapped indoors at my 9-to-5 and need to be reminded of my will to live.

The Summer Beauty Products You Need To Add To Your Makeup Bag Now

By Ryanne Probst

Now that Pretty Little Liars is officially over (right, Marlene King?

6 Types Of Summer Instagrams You Should Not Post Under Any Circumstances

By Ryanne Probst

It’s officially summer in NYC and I know this not because I’ve been outside doing things in this beautiful weather but because I’ve been living vicariously through people and their rooftop Snapchats while I continue to binge watch Schitt’s Creek.

The Floor Is Extreme Stupidity: 'Pretty Little Liars' Recap

By Ryanne Probst

Another week of Pretty Little Liars is underway, which means I’ve wasted another hour of my life watching Rosewood’s Most Wanted fuck up their lives in heinous outerwear.

7 Habits You Think Are Sabotaging Your Skin But Actually Aren't

By Ryanne Probst

Is anyone else feeling personally victimized by the weekend?

6 Celebs Who Have Bigger Daddy Issues Than You

By Ryanne Probst

Father’s Day is just around the corner aka the holiday you only remembered because your mom sent you a text saying “IT’S FATHER’S DAY, CALL YOUR DAD.” Thanks, mom, you da real MVP.

6 Amazing Drugstore Mascaras That Cost Less Than What You'd Spend On Wine

By Ryanne Probst

Summer has barely started and I’m already calculating how much I've sabotaged my bank account with my swimsuit online shopping habit obsession.

Aria Officially Can't Sit With Us: 'Pretty Little Liars' Recap

By Ryanne Probst

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’m not Betch Waldorf.

What To Eat For Clear Skin & What Foods Will Wreak Havoc On Your Face

By Ryanne Probst

If you’re anything like me, someone who is a mature adult treats their body like a trashcan, then you recognize the daily struggle that is doing whatever the fuck you want while also wanting to have a great body and great skin.

What Your Tiny Tattoo Says About You & The Kind Of Self-Absorbed Asshole You Are

By Ryanne Probst

I have a lot of pastimes and most of them include me judging people from afar.

Types Of First Dates You Should Never Ever Go On

By Ryanne Probst

We’ve all been there.

10 Iconic Moments From 'The Simple Life' That Are Literally All Of Us

By Ryanne Probst

It's been almost 10 years since The Simple Life first aired (Jesus, we’re old) and I, for one, mourn its loss every day.

5 Ways To Wear A Crop Top To Work Without Offending HR

By Ryanne Probst

As a secret hoe (I'm not that secret about it) I'm constantly pushing the limits of my employer's sanity by seeing how much I can get away with in terms of the office dress code.

8 Bars To Black Out In Memorial Day Weekend

By Ryanne Probst

Memorial Day is like the unsung hero of drinking holidays in that it comes along when we least expect it to save us from spring weather that is legit moodier than me day one of my period and finally bring us to the promised land aka summer.

How To Steal Rachel Lindsay's 'Bachelorette' Look

By Ryanne Probst

Another season of The Bachelorette premiered last night, and I think we can all breathe a sigh of relief that Rachel left those fugly-ass mustard colored shorts at home.

How To Take Off Your Gel Manicure At Home Without Losing Your Sanity

By Ryanne Probst

There are many forms of slow torture out there in the world that I willingly inflict on myself.

How To Fake Great Legs For Summer

By Ryanne Probst

Summer is literally right around the corner and I am PISSED that no one notified me about this.

The Male Romper Is The Fuckboy Uniform Of Summer 2017

By Ryanne Probst

I've put up with a lot of shit from the male species over the years.

The 6 Beauty Bloggers You Need To Follow On Instagram Right Now

By Ryanne Probst

Summer is upon us, which means it’s time to start watching everyone live their best lives on Instagram.

The Worst 'Pretty Little Liars' Plot Lines Of All Time

By Ryanne Probst

We're only halfway through the final season of Pretty Little Liars and, in true Freeform fashion, it's already a shit storm riddled with plot holes.

The 7 Best Drugstore Eyeliners That Cost Less Than Your Starbucks Order

By Ryanne Probst

I may or may not have talked a little bit about my ongoing battle with the woman who works the checkout counter at Sephora.

7 Wine And Face Mask Pairings For A Night In Of Treating Yo'Self

By Ryanne Probst

If you, like me, spent the last week getting fucked up celebrating v important calendar dates such as the Kentucky Derby and Cinco de Mayo then, first of all, I applaud you.

The 8 Douchiest Bars In NYC To Avoid At All Costs

By Ryanne Probst

Congratulations, Betches, you made it to Friday.

5 Lip Colors You Should Never Wear

By Ryanne Probst

Because it’s the year 2017 and people will do literally anything for an Instagram like, I’m being pushed to the fucking edge with makeup trends these days.

Don't Get Bangs Without Reading This First

By Ryanne Probst

It’s that time of year again, when Mercury is in retrograde I start to feel the need to sabotage my own happiness by making some stupid, drastic decision about my look and, guys, I think bangs might be in my future.

What Summer Haircut You Should Get Based Off Your Face Shape

By Ryanne Probst

Summer is just around the corner and suddenly I’m feeling personally victimized because I’ve spent the last 3-4 months sitting on my couch eating cheese and drinking wine and judging Bachelor contestants on Instagram.

8 Drugstore Beauty Products That Are Better Than The Ones At Sephora

By Ryanne Probst

We all know that feeling.

Drinking White Wine Is F*cking Up Your Skin

By Ryanne Probst

Is it just me or are weeks where you have to go to work be a functioning human really fucking hard?

How Much The Girls From 'The Bachelor' Make Off Instagram Will Make You Quit Your Job

By Ryanne Probst

It’s 2017 aka the year of realizing stuff self-absorbed assholes winning at life.

Kim & Kylie Are Collaborating On A Lip Kit, So Is Kylie Officially The More Famous Sister?

By Ryanne Probst

Earlier this week Kylie announced that the queen herself, Kim Kardashian, is partnering with her for her next Kylie Cosmetics collab and millions of girls all over the country immediately started squealing into their Instagram feeds.

5 Quick Beauty Hacks To Take Your Look From Office Professional To Happy Hour Hoe

By Ryanne Probst

It’s Friday, which means I’ll be binge drinking coffee until it’s socially acceptable to switch to wine.

How To Always Look The Hottest In Group Pictures

By Ryanne Probst

Even though New York’s weather is legitimately more batshit than my horoscope is predicting my mood will be this month, the summer season is almost upon us.

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