It’s Friday, which means I’ll be binge drinking coffee until it’s socially acceptable to switch to wine. Honestly, by the time Friday rolls around I’m literally exhausted. I’ve worked, like, five days in a row and my will to live is about as thin as my coworker’s eyebrows rn. Like, for god’s sake Belinda HELP YOURSELF, I BEG OF YOU. So, yeah, I’ve been V busy this week and really need a nap and/or a vodka soda stat.
And you can guaran-fucking-tee that when 5 o’clock hits it’ll be like a scene out of Cinderella happening in my office. Think bippity boppity boo but more ho. It’s taken me years to perfect the day-to-night beauty look that frequents both my Instagram story and the 3-6 guys I Snapchat between the hours of 9pm and 3am. I feel the only person who can properly convey this transition is Kelly Kapoor aka my #OfficeBFFGoals:
^^^Actual footage of me at 4:59pm
^^^And at 5:01pm
Miracles happen every day Friday, people. And that miracle can happen for you too, so listen up because here are some basic beauty hacks that will take your look from Pam Beesly to Kelly Kapoor before you can say “I’d like to start a tab, please”:
1. Extend Your Eyeliner
Because nothing says “let’s get fucked up” like the girl who walks into a bar rocking a full-on cat eye. This is one of the easiest ways to take your look from “acceptable to be out in public” to “no paparazzi please.” Give yourself an edgier vibe by lining the inner rim and going ham with your mascara.
2. Get Bold With Your Lip Color
I’d like to be clear here, getting bold with your lip color does not mean copying a look you saw on any type of social media story by one of Hollywood’s thirstiest teen stars (looking at you, Ariel Winter). If you do this and I see you at happy hour it will not look good for you on my Snapchat story. That being said, I’m not going to assume what type of Friday night plans you have but I am going to say that your lip game does tell a story. Don’t let that story say “desperate to look like Kylie Jenner.”
3. Invest In Dry Shampoo
A good dry shampoo actually saves lives and why Sephora hasn’t picked up that tagline yet I will never understand. First, it acts as an oil absorber, which we all know you need because you 100% skipped that shower this morning in favor of an extra 15 minutes sleep. And, like, same girl. But the true magic of a dry shampoo is the extra volume it gives your hair. A few spritzes and your hair is showing more life than Nick Viall’s dancing career.
4. Use Blotting Paper
People don’t just wake up looking fresh-faced, there’s actually a whole lot of shit they put on top of their real face to appear “fresh.” And oil-blotting paper is key to that process. Throughout the day your face builds up more oil than a dollar slice and, trust me, no one wants to see that shit at the bar. Swipe an oil-blotting paper like Mac’s Blot Film a few times across your face for a flawless finish that even the fuckboys on your Snap rotation can’t miss.
5. Make Mascara The Real MVP
This one is pretty basic, but then again I’ve also had to spell out why you can’t just dye the roots of your hair all the colors of the rainbow because the internet tells you to, so I guess I’ll spell this one out for you too. Volumizing mascara is a V important part of my smize game and is an essential part of my office to happy hour ho transformation. Be sure to use a long-lasting, smudge resistant mascara to keep your eyes looking beautiful and vibrant even after those four vodka sodas.