It’s been almost 10 years since The Simple Life first aired (Jesus, we’re old) and I, for one, mourn its loss every day. If you didn’t watch this show then I can only assume you were one of the few girls in my middle school class whose yearbook photo did not include blue clip-on hair extensions from Claire’s (an iconic look from the show) and, subsequently, years of regret. You lucky bitches. If you did watch this show then you know that Paris and Nicole were the gift that kept on giving. Tbh I’ve never felt more a part of the 99 percent’s inner circle than when watching those bitches shudder at doing chores and call one another sluts in front of a Midwestern homemaker in a “Jesus Loves Me” sweater. Kindred. Spirits. I already know that if I were older, richer, and living in the 90210 I would totally have been a valued member of their squad. Definitely ranked above Kim K aka their closet cleaner. Definitely. Paris and Nicole also had some truly timeless advice for young betches growing up. From fashion to love to work ethic they kept it the realest. So in honor of the show’s 10 year anniversary (again, kill me I’m so ancient) here are 10 times Paris and Nicole were literally us:
1. When they were soooo down to earth
Celebrities, they’re just like us! Except instead of asking for 25 cents I’m usually asking for, like, $49, 604. Similar, but different.
2. When they came up with this genius life hack:
^me anytime my boss asks me to order supplies. Um, do I not look busy to you rn? Yes, I might be 100 percent using my work computer to google Bachelorette conspiracy theories but that’s neither here nor there, CAROL.
3. That time people were trying to get in the way of Paris living her best life
A classic line and one I have used numerous times on friends who refuse to let me
live my best life sit and binge watch Netflix for hours. You’re never more blessed then when you’re sitting in a dark room with you and your four closest TV shows.
4. When they made you realize that you should never chase after a boy
Sage advice and words I whisper to myself every time I lie awake at night and wonder why no one has messaged me first on Bumble.
5. When they proved they’d make amazing housewives
Honestly, same. Betches know that chores are for peasants, but seeing as I
am a peasant live in Brooklyn I’m constantly internally debating if I should pay someone to clean my apartment (lol like I can afford Handy) or pay rent. A Sophie’s Choice, if you will. I’m with Nicole on this one though. You can’t expect me to be funny, pretty, AND able to wash a dish. Sorry, not gonna happen.
6. That time they educated America’s youth and gave some v important life advice
Any true betch knows that if you hope to
make it in this world have a thriving Instagram account then you should never allow the world to see your natural self. You think life’s tough now, kid, just wait until you’re competing with the Ariel Winters of this world. Stuffing your bra will be the least of your worries, honey.
7. When they were creative problem solvers
^An exact thought that runs through my mind every time the MTA tries to
screw me write me a ticket for walking through without swiping.
8. This iconic fight:
Honestly, how could you? I don’t even want to get started on the heinous fashion choices featured on this show (colored hair extensions, bedazzled graphic tees, CHANDELIER BELLY JEWELRY), but Nicole did grow up to run a thriving fashion line so, like, #ImWithHer.
9. That time Nicole just DGAF
Aside from the fact that they’re both dead inside, they also blatantly gave zero fucks throughout the show. I don’t remember this episode specifically but I can only assume that they’re about to crash this truck and/or ruin someone’s livelihood, and then call their rich daddies to transfer more money into their accounts. Never change, girls. Never change.
10. When Paris made you realize that we’re all just Heiresses at heart
If there’s one thing this show has taught me, it’s to live life like a heiress who’s been momentarily separated from her wealth. Some people might call that living “irresponsibly” or “above my means” but tbh it just sounds like jealousy to me. So thanks Paris and Nicole, the world will never forget you, your wise words, or your horrible hair extensions.