The Male Romper Is The Fuckboy Uniform Of Summer 2017

I’ve put up with a lot of shit from the male species over the years. For example, finding out that the person I’ve been Snapchat committed to all winter long proudly wears Chubbies in the summer. Or depriving myself of real happiness by actively not trying to set fire to everything a fuckboy loves when he disappears off the face of the earth after five months of dating. You know, that kind of thing. And yet I still show up to play the game on Bumble every fucking week. *takes slow, calming breath* But there are just some things I will not get behind and one of those things is RompHims. Brace yourselves, ladies, because this just in: male rompers are happening and we’ve officially hit rock bottom.

Who is responsible for this abomination, you may ask? As per usual, douchebags in pastels are to blame for this, as well as my trust issues. Apparently a group of bros “were sitting around drinking beers one evening” and came up with the idea for grown men to buy and wear rompers. To absolutely no one’s surprise, it turns out that all four of the co-founders have yet to graduate business school and this whole idea was some sort of group project gone awry.


Tbh that information is less alarming than this promotional video they made:


Oh, for fuck’s sake. I sincerely hope season two of 13 Reasons Why addresses this v important issue because RompHims def deserves a tape.

Okay, can we be serious for a second. Do we really think that if a guy wore this to a bar he’d get laid?

DO WE?? I want to say the answer to that question is a hard no, but I’m amazed at what I’ll do women will do when they’re white girl wasted. Literally. Though in all honesty, if some 19-year-old lacrosse player douchebag wore this shit to Houston Hall it could be a game changer.

Also, do men not realize that rompers are sabotage in its purest form when you’re out at bars? It’s all fun and beautiful Instagram pictures until you break your seal and almost publicly wet yourself trying to Houdini your way out of that shit. I mean, guys still have difficulty taking off my bra during foreplay so, like, good fucking luck with the romper, fellas.

That being said, the creators of this monstrosity do promise that unlike rompers designed for women, RompHims are “pee friendly.”  Great, because the world wasn’t already pee friendly enough for men. And if that doesn’t symbolize that the patriarchy is real and thriving then Idk what does. 

To make matters worse, these douchebags have already raised over $135,000 because apparently anyone can make a Kickstarter campaign these days. So basically the threat of this actually happening is very, very real. Just to put things in perspective here, that’s more money than was raised to save Raquel from a lifetime of servitude making cheese pasta. WHERE IS THE HUMANITY??

Idk about you, but I’m feeling very personally victimized rn. Like, when will the men be stopped?? What do they want to take from us next? Stay tuned for tomorrow’s story on men’s tampons.

Ryanne Probst
Ryanne Probst
Ryanne wants you to know that her name is pronounced “Ryan” and that this is her childhood trauma. Formerly published as “It’s Britney, Betch” she’s the resident recapper for all things ‘Bachelor.' When she’s not talking sh*t, she’s drinking $8 wine and contemplating ways to burn ABC studios down to the ground. Catch her on Instagram (@ryprobst) where she’s either posting pictures of her dog or sliding into the DMs of former reality TV dating stars (you know who you are).