Rachel
Varina

Formerly one of the HBICs at Total Sorority Move (RIP), Rachel Varina has a long history of writing about things that make her parents ashamed. She's an avid lover of holding grudges, sitting down, and buffalo chicken dip. Currently, she lives in Tampa, Florida, but did not feed her husband to tigers. And even though she's married (with a *gasp* baby), she doesn't suck. Promise. PROMISE! Follow her on Instagram and Twitter (@rachelvarina) so she gets more followers than that influencer her husband dated in high school.

Stuff I Wrote

OB/GYNs Answer Pregnancy Questions You’re Too Embarrassed to Ask

By Rachel Varina

How common is it to shit on the delivery room table?

Here's How Often Real Couples *Actually* Have Sex While Pregnant

By Rachel Varina

Are you team Take Me Now or Don't Fucking Touch Me?

A People Pleaser's Guide To Being A Bridezilla

By Rachel Varina

Let's arm you with the tools to say "I do" without compromise.

How Do I Ask For Cash At My Wedding Instead Of Shit I Don’t Need?

By Rachel Varina

I don't need fine china — I'm not an American Girl doll!

The Best Pregnant Sex Positions For Getting It On While A Literal Human Grows Inside Of You

By Rachel Varina

I was prepared for the big boobs and strange cravings, but not being horny AF.

The Mother-In-Law Survival Guide: How To Plan Your Wedding Without Losing Your Sanity

By Rachel Varina

Consider this your cheat sheet for putting up with your S.O.’s mom.

The Elf On The Shelf Is The Fucking Worst, Do Not @ Me

By Rachel Varina

DO NOT COME FOR ME.

16 Actually Good Gifts For Moms That Aren't Just Shit For Their Kids

By Rachel Varina

Unfortunately for moms everywhere, it’s somehow already mid-November, which means the struggle to make this ~the most magical season ever~ is officially upon us.

If Your Wedding Registry Was *Actually* Honest

By Rachel Varina

Hi all! <3 We can’t WAIT to celebrate our big day and party the night away with you in just over 17 months.

A Super Chill Bride’s Feedback On The Bach Party She Said She Didn’t Wanna Plan

By Rachel Varina

Morgan, pls turn your notis on for the group chat.

Men, Do These 6 Simple Things If You Want To Be HOT!

By Rachel Varina

Nothing will put me in the mood faster than you getting groceries.

If Wedding Invites Were *Actually* Honest

By Rachel Varina

Gifts required. Travel required. 4 days of PTO required.

I Love You, But I’d Rather Do Legit Anything Else Than Sleep In The Same Bed

By Rachel Varina

Pls never touch me with your feet again.

You Know What's Hotter Than Spontaneous Sex? Scheduling It In My Planner

By Rachel Varina

Pls send me a Google Cal invite with at least a week's notice.

Shout Out To Erotica For Helping Me Get Pregnant

By Rachel Varina

BRB, stocking up my Amazon cart with smutty books and PreSeed lube.

*Cancels All Plans To Read These NSFW Books Alone In My Room*

By Rachel Varina

These steamy books will def get you through that dry spell.

Zillow House Of The Month: "American Horror Story" Meets "American Psycho"

By Rachel Varina

There’s truly nothing better than plopping down after a long day of work (re: online shopping) with your $14 salad and Zillow.

By Rachel Varina

I don’t need to tell you that Halloween is, hands down, the best holiday of the entire year.

The 9 Best "Trying to Conceive" Products That *Actually* Work

By Rachel Varina

Deciding to have kids is one of the biggest decisions someone can make outside of like, getting bangs.

Zillow House of the Month: Eat Your Heart Out, "Bridgerton"

By Rachel Varina

It seems to happen in the blink of an eye: One minute we’re staying out until 3 a.m.

Every "Love is Blind: After the Altar" Couple, Comprehensively Ranked

By Rachel Varina

If there’s one thing Netflix is great at, it’s creating outlandish reality dating shows starring hot people who just!

5 Women Explain Exactly What Having A Threesome Is Like IRL

By Rachel Varina

There are a lot of major firsts in a person's life, from their first big job to their first real relationship (...to the first time they got fired from said real job and dumped from said real relationship).

My Miscarriage Was Nothing Like The Movies

By Rachel Varina

Content warning: This article discusses pregnancy loss and may be upsetting to some readers.

Creative Ways To Get Off To 'Bridgerton' Season 2 Even Without The Sex Scenes

By Rachel Varina

When Bridgerton premiered back in December 2020, most of us were expecting another failed Pride and Prejudice replica.

Which Sex Toy You Should Try This Year, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

By Rachel Varina

Look to the stars.

The Ranking Of Which Bridesmaids Will Get The Most Drunk At Your Wedding

By Rachel Varina

First comes love, then comes planning a wedding, then comes hoping none of your bridesmaids throw up in the middle of the dance floor before you cut the cake.

The 9 Most Ridiculous Things About Netflix's 'Sex/Life'

By Rachel Varina

From the moment Sex/Life dropped to Netflix on June 25, horny people everywhere have been blind to the fact that it's problematic because, you know, there's a lot of sex in it.

What Excuse You Should Use To Cancel Plans Based On Your Zodiac Sign

By Rachel Varina

Blame it on the universe.

To All The Plans We Made For 'When This Is All Over' And Are Now Desperate To Cancel

By Rachel Varina

Once upon a time, the concept of leaving your house and actually doing something — anything — seemed absurd.

Muting People Saved My Mental Health

By Rachel Varina

For me, it all started with Myspace's Top 8.

Is Premarital Pregnancy Trendy?

By Rachel Varina

When I was a teenager and started hooking up with my first "totally wrong for me" boyfriend, the thing I was most afraid of was getting pregnant.

11 Not-As-Mainstream Kinks Worth Trying To Switch Things Up With Your S.O.

By Rachel Varina

"Communication is lubrication."

New Study Shows Hinting That You Want To Get Engaged Is Normal AF

By Rachel Varina

As the short work week winds down and spiked eggnog for breakfast takes over, there's one thing on the minds of not-yet-engaged gals: "Will this be the holiday season that I finally get a ring?" Even though the pandemic is putting weddings on the backburner, engagements are not slowing down just because we're stuck at home.

Weddings Aren't Going Back To Normal In 2021—Here Are The Trends To Expect

By Rachel Varina

By now, we all know COVID-19 just like, majorly sucks.

Don’t Be Mad At Guests For Not Attending Your Wedding

By Rachel Varina

How about them 2020 weddings, huh?

A Professional Dominatrix Explains Everything You've Ever Wondered About BDSM

By Rachel Varina

The links are independently placed and do not influence editorial content. For me (and pretty much every other vanilla girl out there), my interest in BDSM started with Fifty Shades.

How To Get Ready At Home For Your Corona Wedding

By Rachel Varina

Once upon a time, getting ready for a wedding (whether or not it was your own) meant endless salon trips and overpriced beauty treatments.

What Going To A Virtual Sex Club Is Actually Like

By Rachel Varina

It was a night like no other.

Everything You Need To Know About Doing A Bridal Boudoir Shoot

By Rachel Varina

To quote every bride who has ever done boudoir: "Do it, you won't regret it!" Whether you're talking to your friends at brunch, your co-worker at happy hour, or just scanning posts from random girls in a Facebook group, there's one thing most brides who've done boudoir can agree on: it's f*cking awesome.

Do You Send A Gift For A Zoom Wedding? & Other Questions, Answered

By Rachel Varina

First comes love, then comes coronavirus, then comes the influx of Zoom weddings in 2020.

How To Say No To 2020 Weddings If You Just Don't Feel Comfortable

By Rachel Varina

Remember on NYE when everyone was convinced 2020 was going to be our golden era?

The Difference Between Elopement, Microwedding & Minimony Explained

By Rachel Varina

So, how about 2020 weddings, huh?

Learning Your Unconscious Biases Is The First Step Toward Overcoming Them

By Rachel Varina

The past few weeks, the country has been making strides in supporting the Black Lives Matter movement and speaking out against police brutality and systemic racism.

The 5 Most Unrealistic Things About 'Outer Banks'

By Rachel Varina

I may be twenty *cough* years old, but no matter how many undereye wrinkles I get, one thing remains the same: I am a slut for teen dramas.

8 Bachelorette Themes That Don't Involve Matching Shirts

By Rachel Varina

Planning a bachelorette party, even without a pandemic, comes with a lot of stress.

How COVID-19 Is Going To Change Weddings For The Long Run

By Rachel Varina

It's no secret: coronavirus is one giant happiness cockblock.

What To Do If Coronavirus Is Messing Up Your Pregnancy Plans

By Rachel Varina

As a married 27-year-old (wait, f*ck.

How To Get Married On Zoom

By Rachel Varina

Once upon a time, the most challenging decisions a bride had to make were who would be a bridesmaid, who would walk her down the aisle, and how to get out of inviting her annoying college roommate who always dresses way too provocatively at events.

Quarantining With Your S.O. Is Bad For Your Relationship, Study Finds

By Rachel Varina

Quarantine has done a lot in the way of ruining lives.

Is 'Too Hot To Handle' Sexist?

By Rachel Varina

In the time of quarantine, one of the few things keeping us going is trashy television.

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