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If Your Wedding Registry Was *Actually* Honest

Hi all! <3 We can’t WAIT to celebrate our big day and party the night away with you in just over 17 months. Hopefully we still like each other by then (jk lol)!

While your presence might be a present, after shelling out tens of thousands of dollars so you can have a plated dinner, bottomless booze, and a few awk turns on the dance floor, you should *at least* consider giving a gift as well. Nothing major —  at least $100 value per person (so that means $200 per couple minimum) should suffice! But again! The most important thing is that you’re there to celebrate our big day with us (and post at least one solid pic to the ‘gram where I look incredible). 

P.S. But really, the wedding did cost us (re: my dad) a lot, so *not* giving us a present is kinda tacky, you know?

P.P.S. Oh! And don’t forget — gifts are also expected at the bridal shower, bachelorette party, rehearsal dinner, and morning-after brunch. If the registry is all bought out, absolutely do not take that as a sign that you should forgo a pressie altogether or, worse, buy us some home decor from T.J.Maxx. It’s not that we don’t love the thought, it’s just that we think your tastes are absolute trash. When in doubt, cash is always king. <3

Our Wedding Registry:



Rachel Varina
Rachel Varina
Formerly one of the HBICs at Total Sorority Move (RIP), Rachel Varina has a long history of writing about things that make her parents ashamed. She's an avid lover of holding grudges, sitting down, and buffalo chicken dip. Currently, she lives in Tampa, Florida, but did not feed her husband to tigers. And even though she's married (with a *gasp* baby), she doesn't suck. Promise. PROMISE! Follow her on Instagram and Twitter (@rachelvarina) so she gets more followers than that influencer her husband dated in high school.