Alex
Conrad

Alex Conrad is an Orange County-based writer who prides herself in the art of pregaming and lives by the mantra, "If you can't tone it, tan it." When she's not scheming up how to get away with doing the bare minimum, she's probably attempting to justify her latest Target purchase to her husband. Follow her on Instagram @ayyycon_ for french bulldog spam but mostly just for validation.

Stuff I Wrote

If You Wear Kendall’s Look To My Wedding, We’re No Longer Friends

By Alex Conrad

Last week, Kendall Jenner took part in super mundane normal people things by attending her best friend Lauren Perez’ star-studded Miami Beach wedding as a bridesmaid, alongside bestie Bella Hadid.

7 Sex Positions To Get You Off, Since We’re Not Faking Orgasms

By Alex Conrad

Raise your hand if you’ve felt personally victimized by the lack of attention given to your lady bean during any given sack sesh, because same.

Did Clare Crawley Go To Prom? An Investigation

By Alex Conrad

In case you haven’t been tuning into The Bachelorette(s?), Clare Crawley has basically been walking around with one giant-ass target on her back ever since she let her lady boner fly high the second Dale stepped out of the limo.

Max Ehrich Has Moved Onto A New Target

By Alex Conrad

Apparently they say that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.

Demi Lovato & Max Ehrich’s Rollercoaster Of A Relationship, Explained

By Alex Conrad

If, for some reason, you haven’t watched You on Netflix, then I can only assume you’ve actually been doing something productive with your life during quarantine.

Did Gigi Hadid Have Her Baby? An Investigation

By Alex Conrad

Literally the only thing that’s been getting me up out of bed in the morning during these harrowing times is knowing that Gigi Hadid and Zayn’s baby is about to strut into the world having already won the genetic lottery.

5 Things Kris Jenner Could Do Now That 'KUWTK' Is Over

By Alex Conrad

Welp… never thought we’d be adding “Keeping Up With The Kardashians gets canned” to our 2020 Bingo card, but here we are.

Juan Pablo Is Pissed About Clare's New 'Bachelorette' Promo

By Alex Conrad

As if the upcoming season of The Bachelorette—featuring a hot second of Clare Crawley and (hopefully) many more seconds of Tayshia Adams—isn’t already gearing up to be one giant sh*tstorm, a new promo just dropped, and it's already causing Twitter drama.

A Beginner's Guide To Sex Toys That Won't Scar You For Life

By Alex Conrad

Some say maturity is measured by the copious amounts of subtweets blasted on social media about some fucktard, or the continuing decision to chase your birth control with Fireball.

7 Foods You Should Avoid At All Costs If You Might Be Having Sex Later

By Alex Conrad

Remember when your mom used to tell you to wait like, 20 minutes after eating your hot dog and BBQ chips before jumping back into the pool, but you did it anyway, because what fucking kid from your childhood was actually so weak that they vommed from flopping around in water?

6 Mistakes You're Making When Sliding Into His DMs

By Alex Conrad

The brilliant Alex “Hitch” Hitchens once furiously blurted with a mouth full of a chubby dude’s saliva, “YOU GO 90, AND I GO 10—YOU DON’T GO THE FULL 100.” Since then, I chose to apply the “maybe don’t go all the way” rule to every aspect of my life—hooking up with a stranger, finishing a bottle of wine by myself on a Tuesday, sliding into my friend’s hot brother’s DMs, everything.

Why Halloween Is The Single Most Overrated Day Of The Year

By Alex Conrad

Ah, Halloween—innovative costumes, chilling haunted house-inspired decor, and that crisp, cool weather we look forward to all year.

7 Things Only Fuckboys Say In Bed That Should Make You Run For The Hills

By Alex Conrad

Sex is great.

This is How Much The ‘Friends’ Apartments Would Cost Today

By Alex Conrad

Everything I’ve learned in life, I learned from Friends.

What Your Bridesmaids Dresses Say About The Type of Bride You Are

By Alex Conrad

I’m never usually one to boast about my accomplishments (LOL), but I will say that I’ve committed a lot of selfless good deeds in my life—like, I always retouch my friends’ noses before making myself look better posting a photo to IG, and I’ll never prevent my dates from reveling in their manhood and picking up the tab.

5 Blow Job Positions That Will Make Going Down On Him More Enjoyable For You

By Alex Conrad

Because BJs don't have to be at the bottom of your to-do list.

How Much Carrie Bradshaw, Jenna Rink & Other Rom Com Characters Would Pay In Rent IRL

By Alex Conrad

Since we’ve practically been able to walk, we’ve been tricked into some serious romance fuckery that modern-day love stories always pan out like the end of a Disney movie—as if Prince Charming would actually search every apartment up and down all of Brooklyn for the woman who perfectly fits into the shoe she left on a date.

Celebrate 'Mean Girls' Day With This Grool 'Mean Girls' Drinking Game

By Alex Conrad

Jambo, plastics.

6 Basic Fall Instagrams That Are Never Acceptable To Post

By Alex Conrad

Consider this a humble brag, but being from LA *flips hair*, I don’t do seasons, drinking hot coffee is solely due to the fact that the ice melted in my cold brew, and the only hurricane that’s ever hit me was an alcoholic bevvy that resulted in morning-after regrets (too soon?).

What Your Netflix Queue Reveals About Why You're Still Single

By Alex Conrad

If you’ve read anything we’ve ever written post-solar apocalypse, you’re probably aware of this thing called cuffing season.

How To Avoid Catching Feelings For The Fuckboy You're Hooking Up With

By Alex Conrad

Summer is pretty much over, according to my lack of summer bod, and that means cuffing season is in full effect, which also means that the only thing worse than potentially catching the fucking plague or whatever other life-altering virus planet Earth will soon undoubtedly dig up this year, is catching the feelings bug *chills sent down spine*.

Why Nobody Wants To Go To Your Holiday Weekend Wedding

By Alex Conrad

To the bride-to-be and the wedding planner who should be fired, like yesterday, Remember that one time we jetted off to Vegas over Labor Day weekend on half a tank of gas, $62 in our pockets, and stolen borrowed whore-ish excuses for dresses from your sister’s closet?

5 Ways To Use Your Boobs During Sex To Make It More Enjoyable

By Alex Conrad

If you ask any average guy what the first thing he notices about a woman, he’ll likely tell you her big smile, her bright blue eyes, bla blaaaaa blaaskdjflsdfk.

Why You Need To Stop Caring About Cuffing Season

By Alex Conrad

Dear Wannabe Cameron Diaz in The Holiday, Is there something in the air?

The Best Sports Bras For Big Boobs So You Don't Smack Yourself In The Face

By Alex Conrad

I’m about to take you on a trip (no, not an acid trip—actually, maybe) back in time to a decade called the ‘70s, when John Travolta wasn’t brainwashed by some Scientology bullshit, cocaine was as obtainable as Usher’s herpes, and shockingly enough, the first-ever sports bra was crafted from two male jockstraps sewn together, aka the most innovative decade of our time, if you ask me.

Sex Positions For Big Penises, Good Luck, Girl

By Alex Conrad

A few good sex positions that’ll help you fearlessly navigate his colossal peen.

How To Make Sure Your Date Doesn't Try To Kiss You Without Pulling The Cheek Turn

By Alex Conrad

If you’re anything like me, you can barely tolerate like, 96% of the human population unless they genuinely have something to offer you.

Lazy Sex Positions To Try When You’re Hungover and Horny

By Alex Conrad

Orgasm with minimum effort

What Your Summer Fuckboy Says About You

By Alex Conrad

I’m just gonna be straight up with you.

8 Vagina Myths You Should Stop Believing, Like, Yesterday

By Alex Conrad

Maybe betches were just genetically dispositioned to think that the world is out to get us (whatever, it is), or maybe it’s just the given nature of the modern-day fuckboy, but we need to stop treating our vaginas like they just liked an Instagram picture of some thot.

7 Under-Eye Concealers That Are Cheaper Than Botox

By Alex Conrad

Unless you’re 12 years old or don’t consistently wake up on Monday morning from a Sunday brunch hangover (and honestly wtf else would you be doing with your life?), I hate to break it to you, but you’ve got bags, and I’m not talking that reusable trendy shit you hoard in your pantry.

10 Fuckboy Fashion Fails That Are Total Deal Breakers

By Alex Conrad

We all have our deal breakers when it comes to men: for some, it’s the inability to pronounce "quinoa".

The 8 Types Of Idiots You'll See At Your Fourth Of July BBQ

By Alex Conrad

This Tuesday marks the most American holiday of the year, which also means that it marks the most bro holiday of the year.

The 8 Phases Every Betch Goes Through During A Dry Spell

By Alex Conrad

There are two types of people in this world: there are people who have sex, and there are people whose recent Google search activity investigates the exact amount of time it takes until one re-becomes a virgin (*cough cough* you).

How To Survive A Wedding When You're Single Without Stabbing Anyone

By Alex Conrad

Let me guess: You’re reading this article while rolling your eyes in disbelief, thinking "there’s no possible way to make wedding season any less of a fucking nightmare." I’d totally do the same had I not spent a stupid amount of my time writing this.

7 Things You're Doing In Bed That You Need To Stop Immediately

By Alex Conrad

They say bad sex is like pizza—even when it’s bad, it’s still good.

9 Places In LA To Take An Instagram That Will Get Triple Digit Likes

By Alex Conrad

I’m about to get really vulnerable with you rn **raises right hand** I, basic betch, waste an unnecessary amount of my life crafting the perfect Instagram photo for the sole purpose of getting likes in return.