If You Wear Kendall’s Look To My Wedding, We’re No Longer Friends

Last week, Kendall Jenner took part in super mundane normal people things by attending her best friend Lauren Perez’ star-studded Miami Beach wedding as a bridesmaid, alongside bestie Bella Hadid. Only, rather than posting any evidence alongside the bride wearing a travesty of a bridesmaid gown, Kendall donned a not-so-mundane $1,450 diamond cutout maxi dress from New York-based brand Mônot. 

She documented the lavish event by posting photos of her drop-dead flawless physique in a series of bathroom mirror selfies alongside Hailey Bieber, who attended as a guest and was clearly informed about the attire being “beach formal wedding” and not “VMA after-party”. Naturally, Twitter erupted into a firestorm of ‘how dare she?!’ reactions, ranging from “blocked” to “Kendall really just said F you to her best friend on her wedding day.”

Look, I know the Florida humidity is no match for fresh curls, sticky boobs, or basically any article of clothing heavier than single-ply rayon, but not even in the most swamp-assy climate should a wedding guest wear less material than Kylie’s crappy swimline. I guarantee you nowhere on The Knot does cut-out cloth constitute “beach formal”. Personally, I would’ve rather had Kendall show up to my wedding in custom ivory Vera Wang couture. 

Not only did Kendall probably cause more heads to turn than the bride’s own grand entrance, but prior to documenting her bold look, she appropriately donned a strapless baby blue BEC + BRIDGE dress while walking down the aisle, which should’ve been the only dress she wore all night. Isn’t it the first rule of Bridesmaiding 101 when signing your rights life away for half a year, to wear that frameless blush chiffon gown all night until your armpits are raw with third-degree burns?!

Also, if a friend, let alone my own bridesmaid, ever decided to do an outfit change during my nuptials, I would probably throw perfectly manicured hands. The only wedding attendee who should be partaking in multiple outfit changes is the bride herself (if that). 

As this story continued to make headlines, it was reported that Kendall actually swapped styles during the wedding reception, which looked like it was held at a Miami nightclub, so I guess the Fashion Nova vibes make sense, but isn’t it already enough of an attention-grab just being Kendall Jenner? The only second look my bridesmaids debuted during my dive bar after-party were sweatpants, messy buns, and remnants of smeared eyelash glue. 

Don’t get me wrong, as a wedding guest, I find joy in arriving in a subtly sexy ensemble and looking hotter than the bridesmaids sweating in their puffy sleeves, but let’s talk about practicality for a sec. Kendall’s dress would never pass the very first test every girl asks themselves when shopping for wedding guest dresses: “Will this dress allow me to get low on the dance floor?” 

I’d be willing to bet Kendall was unable to participate during “Thriller” or “The Electric Slide” and it truly pains me to think of such a tragedy. She’d be lucky if she can successfully complete “The Macarena” without an areola playing a game of Peek-A-Boo, but I don’t even want to think about the nightmare that would’ve ensued during “Shout”. On that note, if Kendall even dared to participate in the bouquet toss, things would’ve gone from zero to OnlyFans quicker than you can say “Single Ladies”.

But who am I kidding? If I had any self-control and a body like that, I’d probably wear the shit out of Kendall’s dress to my best friend’s wedding. Sue me.

Images: elehutch / Twitter; Axelle/Bauer-Griffin/FilmMagic / Getty Images

Alex Conrad
Alex Conrad
Alex Conrad is an Orange County-based writer who prides herself in the art of pregaming and lives by the mantra, "If you can't tone it, tan it." When she's not scheming up how to get away with doing the bare minimum, she's probably attempting to justify her latest Target purchase to her husband. Follow her on Instagram @ayyycon_ for french bulldog spam but mostly just for validation.