Sabrina
the
Teenage
Betch

To our future kids and citizens of the Kardashian States of America, We want to express our sincerest apologies for the dystopia you live in today.

Few things affect our social calendars quite like Netflix these days.

Earlier this week, the Hadid siblings took London Fashion Week to model Gigi’s new Tommy Hilfiger collection.

Jonathan Bennett aka Aaron Samuels recently got interviewed after a Mean Girls screening (These exist?

Labor Day has come and gone, which means it’s time to pack away your white clothing resting betch faces that are officially so last season.

When we say we genuinely envy the lives of Instagram’s betchiest dogs, we’re not even joking.

Dear Person Who Just Dramatically Announced Their Sobriety For The Evening, Given that you felt so compelled to make a bold statement about “not drinking tonight,” you’re most likely at an event that’s entirely centered around alcohol.

Day drinking and going out at night are two activities that betches excel at compared to most, but even we’ll admit that doing both within the same 24 hour period is a daunting task.

While Manhattan residents enjoy overpriced cocktails as much as anyone else, the fact that we’re rent poor and like to get extremely fucked up when going out means we need to be resourceful about our choice of drinking location.

Dear everyone who takes 30 minutes to decide on an appetizer, When it takes the better part of the work week to decide where to get dinner on Friday night, we can let that slide.

We're approaching the part of summer when the temperature in NYC becomes absolutely unbearable.

We talk a lot on this site about how to take the perfect pic, and by now you’ve probably mastered this very important life skill.

After some very impressive investigative work, it’s recently been uncovered that Bryan Abasolo from this season of The Bachelorette isn’t at his first rodeo when it comes to reality TV dating. 13 years ago—holy shit, yikes—Bryan appeared on a show called The Player, which you probably haven’t heard of since you were like five years old at the time.

Remember a few days ago when you felt personally victimized by RompHims?

The more we think about it, finding a good workout can be a lot like dating.

There’s only one place you can go to cleanse your sins on a Sunday morning in NYC, and that is boozy brunch.

It’s been a few years since Gossip Girl ended, but we’re obviously all still in love with Chuck Bass and consider Blair Waldorf to be a top female role model in life, followed by Michelle Obama.

There’s nothing worse than when a guy tries to be fun and spontaneous by offering to come over at a moment’s notice.

While even the slightest hangover will have us clutching our Gatorade and Advil as if our lives depended upon it, there are some things an excess of hydration unfortunately can’t fix.

Apparently Instagram poses are now considered trends that change on a seasonal basis, because by having a social media account you’ve unofficially signed up to be on ANTM.

Co-existing with people who expect you to care about their lives is exhausting.

Ever wonder what your Disney Channel crushes from back in the day are currently up to?

As part of a new philanthropy program that allows poor people to date her, Mariah Carey was reportedly donating $25,000 each month to her now ex-boyfriend Bryan Tanaka.

One of life’s great mysteries is why anyone would strike up an unsolicited convo with someone they don’t know.

We all spend many hours each day lusting over Ed Sheeran, who’s indisputably the most desirable man on Earth.

Snapchat filters have come a long way since the days of the rainbow barf, and at this point we all have our personal favorites that we use on the regs.

Spring has arrived which means it's time to trade in our all black outfits for different black outfits, and more importantly, to stay on trend with the latest resting betch faces.

Remember when Kylie Jenner warned us that 2016 would be “like, the year of realizing stuff?” That was fucking accurate for many reasons.

This morning US Weekly reported that Brad Pitt is texting Jennifer Aniston again, because if there’s one thing that's extremely predictable in this world, it’s how fuckboys recycle their exes.

We’ve already discussed the colossal fuck-up from last night’s Oscars that will go down in history—awarding Best Picture aka the pinnacle achievement to the wrong fucking film—but now it turns out that there was another cringeworthy error made during the night.

To my friend and the glass of alcohol she’s holding at all times, A lot of our friends are happy to drink when it’s “socially appropriate" aka at a Saturday night pregame or Sunday afternoon brunch, depending on who you ask.

After what feels like a full minute since the last one, NYFW has arrived!

It’s easy to say that The Bachelor producers would do absolutely anything for ratings, especially if you’ve seen Unreal or watched any episode that’s aired over the last 15 years.

If you’ve ever watched KUWTK and wondered about those salads they always eat, you’re not alone.

If you needed another reason to feel personally victimized by Gwyneth Paltrow, look no further than this photo of her kitchen pantry she just organized with the help of a company called The Home Edit:   And without further delay.... @gwynethpaltrow's fully organized pantry.

Ever since Inauguration Day the internet has been fixated on a viral video that spawned #FreeMelania and a lot of concern about the well-being of our new FLOTUS.

We’re just a few episodes into Nick Viall’s cringeworthy journey as The Bachelor and we’ve already got a feeling that this season is going to be different from the others.

Thought Kendall and Kylie Jenner were nutritionally deficient social media slaves who haven’t eaten a carb in over five years?

We found out last night that Robby didn’t win JoJo’s heart on this season of The Bachelorette, and while some may be disappointed by that fact, let’s not forget what a testament to modern science it is that a robot such as himself was able to even make it as far as he did.