The 15 Most Ridiculous Life Lessons We Learned From ‘Gossip Girl’

By Sabrina the Teenage Betch | May 8, 2017
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It’s been a few years since Gossip Girl ended, but we’re obviously all still in love with Chuck Bass and consider Blair Waldorf to be a top female role model in life, followed by Michelle Obama. The show offered us a lot to learn about the plight of being young, hot, and rich in New York City, and much of its wisdom will simply never go out of style (ahem, everything spoken by Dorota). There were a few lessons from the show that we maybe shouldn’t take literally, although not positive TBCH. Here are the 15 lessons from Gossip Girl that are technically accurate, but still questionable.

1. Getting stalked is a completely normal part of high school and actually pretty desirable.

You Are No One Unless You're Talked About

2. You might end up low-key almost murdering someone, but it’s fine if you’re pretty.

Give No Fucks

3. If you don’t murder someone, you’ll probably have at least a couple mental disorders, which is the minimum to live on the Upper East Side.

Gossip Girl

4. There will also be a decent amount of sociopaths who serve no other purpose than to plot your demise.

Gossip Girl

5. Don’t expect to get any help from parents, because they’re all even more sexually repressed and unstable.

Gossip Girl

6. Make sure to acquire a few “minions,” because it’s not grounds for harassment if they’re being graced by your presence.

7. Remember that the school uniform is CEOs and Office Hoes.

8. Don’t even bother going into the Met.

9. Be careful of socializing with outsiders who live in a sketchy place called “Williamsburg.”

10. (Hot tip: Williamsburg is a great place to live if you’re poor. You can get this enormous loft for basically nothing.)

11. On the bright side, being rich allows you to get into any Manhattan bar or club at age 16 and skip puberty.

12. It can also buy you the only thing that matters in life, which is a Polish maid named Dorota.

13. It’s easy to maintain a secret identity in a small high school by starting a blog with a traceable IP address, or wearing a two-inch mask to a party.

14. In the end, you’ll end up marrying your fuckboy high school boyfriend who refused to commit to you for several years.

15. Overall, high school is a really sexy time, and with any luck, you’ll have the opportunity to turn down your Ivy League acceptance to maintain all your toxic relationships in NYC!

XOXO, Gossip Girl