Revenge Recap: Red Sharpie Recasted as Red String

Last night on Revenge we saw arrests, Ashley's granny underwear, and shit tons of bad acting. Like seriously, remember when Jennifer Jason Leigh was really good as Aunt Jill on Weeds? But then now as Kara Clarke she speaks like she's just barred out all the time. Like, I don't get why Victoria is so scared of her, she's one sentence slur away from drooling all over the floor.

The star of last night's episode is a tie between Nolan, Mason Treadwell, and Emanda's cleavage. Nolan got some points when we realized that he delivers every line exactly the same way every time. Slick, perhaps punny one liner followed by smooth fancy gay guy smirk. But Mason took the lead during the last few minutes of the episode when he pulled out the newest version of the red sharpie: the Red String. And Emanda's cleavage was so big at the fake wedding – it was definitely full of secrets, like the one about that time she casually framed Connie Grayson for killing the white haired frozen dead man.

Call Outs:

Doesn't Emanda ever want to take a personal day and like chill with the evil scheming? She should smoke a bowl and watch a Julia Roberts marathon or something. Constantly having to dispose of dead old men in body bags seems tiresome.

Wait, where did Emanda store the WHM? Ralph's Ices' freezer? In between Chocolate Chunk and Birthday Cake?

If not for the huge Revenge backstory it'd be super creepy of Emanda to be spying on Daniel and Ashley via whalecam. Like, it brings Facebook stalking your ex to a new level.

Fake Amanda looks pretty tan, fit, and happy for just coming out of a coma and having a baby and naming it Carl. 

Question – What's this new guys motive with the whole bar buy in? I'm gonna buy them new coasters, rearrange their stools, fuck their shit up good!

LOL Moments

The flashbacks to WHM and Kara Clarke hooking up in bed. She looks like she's having an affair with the Dos Equis Most Interesting Man or Dumbledore.

Gordon Murphy is old as fuck he was probably going to die soon anyway.

One glass of champagne on a shitty boat is your proposal, Jack? That ring is smaller than the one Amish Abe got Rebecca.

When Emanda was gloating about her perfect crime scene in her closing narration/statement. I mean it wasn't THAT good. What are the chances the Hamptons PD will realize that Conrad is smarter than wearing a suit with monogrammed cuff links while murdering an ex-employee, then chucking the gun in his trunk? Ehh probs low.

Conrad gets Victoria a silver gun. I WANTED GOLD YOU ASSHOLE. – Vic

How long until Daniel hooks up with his mother who keeps trying to make excuses for the fact that her son has a plunging IQ?

Seriously though, what are the acting directions on set? The director is probably like, “If you're in a scene with someone who you're dating or is a member of your family, speak to them as if you're going to fuck them, and veryyyyyyy sloooowlllyyyyy


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