Ding Dong The Dud Is Dead: Revenge Recap

After spending most of Mother's Day dreading the two hour Revenge finale (who do they think they are, The Bachelor?), I not only knew what was going on for a solid 75% of the episode, but I actually enjoyed it. A huge accomplishment since I haven't genuinely enjoyed Revenge since like the fifth episode of season 1.

A ton of shit actually happened – mainly Jack acting like a psycho, no one had cell service, Nolan and Aidan were both accused of being the whitest terrorists I've ever seen, and Vic hates Emanda even though she liked her a few weeks ago. Oh and this blackout which managed to reach from Manhattan to the Hamptons (Hurricane Sandy?) almost interfered with Conrad's gubernatorial efforts which he randomly started three weeks ago. Chill Connie, it's a temporary blackout not 9/11. We're New Yorkers! We'll rise above this!

Side Note: All these people would have generators.

Question of the moment: Where the fuck is baby Carl?


A terrorist attack? Too soon ABC, too soon.

How many assassins do the Grayson's have on their payroll? And who's the genius accountant who manages to hide this from their W-2 forms?

Takeda's sharpie preference is apparently black.

Right because I would totes leave my secret positive pregnancy test on the top of my garbage pile.

Still, the least believable thing about this is that Charlotte would ever have sex with Declan. And she would abort that shit faster than you can say bullshit plotline.

Ooo nice job Connie, punking Jack. It would've been funnier if he sent him a snapchat of his balls from Ashley's phone.

Is it really wise to have a man executed in your office building in the midst of your campaign speech?

Ugh I wish Declan would die in surgery. I'd be much more likely to tune into season 3. Oh wait…

Jack Porter's life is worse than Tara Thornton's.



Victoria: The power's out
Jack: You were in love with Amanda's father weren't you?
…Amazing transition

“For all I know Mathis was patsying me the whole time” – Daniel, actually said this.


Steve Aoki's mom was on flight 192!?


Aidan just casually carries around a key to a random villa. Do the writers even know what's going on in this show?

Nolan: There is more to life than revenge…and being ridiculously good looking and I plan to figure out what that is.

Hahaha Charlotte on a 'teenage mommy' website. Seriously does the Grayson's religion allow them to murder massive amounts of people aboard commercial airlines but has shit with first term abortion?


More amazing sh*t

Best from Shop Betches