; 101. Makeup | Betches

101. Makeup

While betches are naturally gorgeous, makeup is a necessary tool in bringing out our God-given beauty and exuding a certain impression. The art of wearing makeup involves a certain level of manipulation and skill, so it’s no surprise that betches love it.

You don’t need to be Van Gogh to make yourself look good, but there are definitely some guidelines to follow for applying makeup for every occasion. Let’s look at the appropriate ways to leave your house without looking like Taylor Momsen or that guy from Green Day.

To class or work:

The betch who perfects this look makes it seem like she’s not wearing any makeup but of course, this just means she’s particularly good at doing it. You want this look to scream “I don’t care how I look when I leave the house, but yes I’m naturally this fucking beautiful.”


drew carey showFuck this post, definitely go to class like this.


Do: Apply some simple eyeliner, one coat of mascara, and a small amount of bronzer to avoid looking deathly pale from doing drugs and drinking all weekend.

Don’t: Wear bright unnatural shades of eyeshadow in the day, unless you work at the Spearmint Rhino.

When going out:

We all know that girl who thinks it’s socially acceptable/she’s hot enough to go to the bars without any makeup on. What we’re all dying to tell her is honey, you’re not even close to pretty enough to pull that off but instead we cringe at her decision of going out as a washed out loser whose face is a horrifying shade of ass.

Do: The smokey eye is the betchiest. It shows others that you're dark and intimidating. However if you don't know how to do this consult your bestie who does, because despite how see-through your lace crop top is, do it yourself and you’ll go out looking like a chimney cleaner. And we’ve all seen The Little Princess.

Make sure to put on multiple coats of mascara.* Every betch knows that the thickness of her lashes is directly correlated to the fuck-off vibe she exudes.

* Skip the black shadow and do intense or colored lashes, but only if you can pull this off and don't go out looking like a Bratz doll. If you look stupid, it's not our fault.

Don’t: Wear your concealer as your lipstick or match your eye shadow to your dress or lipstick. Clowns chill at a circus for a reason.

For all other occasions:

Zac Efron

Going to a wedding or prom? Don’t get your make up done, that’s like paying to look like Zac Efron.

Chilling at someone’s house with friends? Who the fuck cares? They’re your friends! (Read: a little eyeliner and bronzer. See “class or work.”)

Oh and don’t get your shit at CVS. Just because your eyeliner doesn’t say Chanel when it’s on your face, everyone can tell you’re a cheap drug-store slut.

So, whoever said beauty is in the eye of the beholder was like definitely blind or stupid. Everyone knows that beauty is only skin deep. Remember, if the depth of your pores runs deeper than the love in your heart, you are not a fucking betch.



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