2023 is coming to an end, and there are still major questions we haven’t been able to answer. Did aliens really soft-launch themselves on Earth? What did Sophie Turner say on the ring camera? And how the hell did Kylie Jenner and Timothée Chalamet end up as the only solid couple left standing?
Like, you’re telling me that Justin and Sophie Trudeau broke up before Taylor could make it to Canada (you know they would’ve had a great couple’s costume), and my consolation prize is DUNE-themed lip kits?
Is it a PR relationship masterminded by Kris Jenner? It seems likely, except for the fact that it’s all just so unlikely, like what are they trying to promote? Chicken fingers with ketchup? Perhaps it’s a distraction from something else happening, but all other Kardashian dramas seem to be upfront and center — a la I Got Married In Italy©.
The only way to get to the bottom of it is to literally get to the bottom. We’re going back in time to where it all started and watching this modern-day fairytale unfold.
January 2023 — Single And Ready To Mingle
Kylie’s New Year’s Resolution for 2023 clearly didn’t include Travis Scott, as by early January, sources say that the pair separated. Reports suggest that Kylie and Travis’ six-year relationship is truly finished now, and they’ll simply be co-parenting Stormi and Aire.
As for Lil Timmy, he had been previously linked to many actresses, including Eiza González, Lily-Rose Depp, and Lourdes Leon. But unlike Leonardo DiCaprio, he’s a similar age to these attractive girlies. Timmy hasn’t been sighted with anyone in particular for a while, so they both seem single and ready for their next big thing…
The pair meet for the first time at Paris Fashion Week during the Jean Paul Gaultier show. They’re seen giggling and chatting, and rumors already begin to circulate.
March 2023 — Don’t Speak To Me
Kylie and Lil Timmy both attend Vanity Fair’s 2023 Oscars after-party, but are not photographed together. Are there illicit meetings in the cloakroom? Do they send each other codes and longing gazes? We’ll never know, and clearly the love wasn’t burning too hot by this point.
April 2023 — Love Is In The Prada
The rumors surrounding this truly unlikely pairing begin to gather traction in April, when an anonymous tipster informs Deuxmoi that they’ve been seeing each other since January.
But they’re only rumors until one day, one of Kylie’s luxury cars (a black Range Rover, in case you actually care about cars) is photographed outside of Lil Timmy’s home! I don’t know how we recognize her car as she probably has a dozen but okay, sure, I’m here for it. Neither Timmy or Kylie are photographed. Was it a playdate for Stormi and Timmy? Was it a house call? Who knows, and who cares!
Additionally, there is a suspected taco date! Chalamet is seen getting into her car (with his own following behind, and they drive to an L.A. taco stand and then eat in the backseat. Maybe they’re down to earth, or maybe he’s skimping out on dinner.
Sources close to this strange pairing claim they’re still in the early stages of the romance (probably because he won’t fork out for a proper date) and just chilling. Is this a situationship in the making? An insider tells US Weekly that he makes her laugh, so we presume that his Willy Wonka impression is a hit with the billionaire.
May 2023 — Keeping It Low-Key
A source tells Entertainment Tonight that the couple are trying to keep things quiet… how is that going for ya?
Apparently, they’re casually seeing each other but keeping it low-key. I personally think Kylie isn’t ready to define the relationship.
Supposedly Travis is not completely pleased with this turn of events. What??? I’m shocked!! Travis doesn’t want Kylie immediately rebounding with Willy Wonka? Wow, you could have fooled me.
June 2023 — It’s Coffeeficial
Finally! Kylie and Timmy are photographed together outside his mansion, walking side by side with hot drinks. I think Kylie looks like a skinny low-fat Moccacino kind of girl, and Timmy is definitely enjoying an extra whip frappe caramel toffee cold brew. The iconic paparazzi pic with coffee is a right of passage, and definitely not planned ahead of time.
Kris Jenner A source tells Daily Mail that Kylie has been spending a lot of time at Timmy’s house, more specifically “upward of six days a week.”
So… seven days? I mean, what else can this refer to. Also, where are her kids during this? But anyway, the most important thing is that it is now Coffeeficial!
August 2023 — Don’t Say It’s Over
This is a difficult month for Kylimmy fans (if any of them exist), as breakup rumors are swirling all over the place!!! Some say it naturally fizzled out as they’re both busy bees. Some say the girlboss got DUMPED by WILLY WONKA!
But in the darkest moment, there is light! A source (Hi, Timmy) speaks to TMZ to deny these rumors and say all is Gucci in paradise. They’re doing well, just trying to keep things private. So don’t expect Timmy to become a series regular just yet.
By the end of August, we’re given relief when Kylie is photographed turning up at Timmy’s house in her Mercedes (different car this time!) after a huge shopping spree. It’s giving Confessions of a Shopaholic.
September 2023 — Crazy in Love
The real key to unraveling this Da Vinci Code of a relationship comes in September, at the event that changed everything. Historians will thereafter refer to it as “The Beyoncé Concert.” Not to be confused with other Beyoncé concerts, as this one occurred in L.A. on September4. There were many big names in attendance, including Kelly Rowland, Meghan Markle, and Kerry Washington. But all eyes were on Timlie that night.
A concertgoer (also known henceforth as God’s gift to Timlie fans) films the couple getting cozy and whispering away on their private balcony. Not only that, but TMZ photographs them making out like horny teens!!! Crazy in love indeed. The real highlight is Timmy smoking his ciggie a la Cole Sprouse on Call Her Daddy.
I guess we’re bored of staying discrete.
A week later, Timmy brings Kylie as his plus one to a New York Fashion Week event. Bit awks that Kylie was the plus one for something fashion related but okay, pop off Willy Wonka! A video shows them sitting closely together in coordinating black outfits, the key to any good relationship.
On September 10, they really lean into the U.S. Open with Open PDA. The pair take breaks from their smooching to eat chicken fingers with ketchup (was seemingly ranch not available?) and take photos of each other.
Then Kylie soft launches them (a bit late) as she is photographed by ELLE Mexico with her phone screen visible, which is a close-up photo of the pair. Um, cute?
But September isn’t over yet! Wow, this couple is really going full speed ahead, perhaps spurred by the huge number of celeb breakups over the summer. They take their love to Paris for Fashion Week. Their all-black outfits continue, confirming that this is an important aspect of their relationship.
October 2023 — Keeping it Private
But don’t be fooled by these very public displays of affection! In October, Timmy is interviewed by GQ and discusses how much he wishes to lead a private life. He’s trying to stay grounded, you know, by having a billionaire who happens to be the fourth most-followed person on Instagram feed you chicken fingers at the U.S. Open.
November 2023 — She’s Innovative, He’s Funny
A big month for Timoylie fans. Kylie is being honored at WSJ. Magazine’s 2023 Innovator Awards at the Museum of Modern Art in New York. Timmy comes to be a proud boyf, and they once again coordinate in sleek dark outfits. THIS IS AN EASTER EGG I JUST KNOW IT! The pair are seen happily chatting as they munch on dinner.
Then it’s Kylie’s turn to play Jackie Kennedy to the president, as she comes to watch Timmy host SNL for the second time. But this time, Timmy doesn’t match Kylie’s sleek black look and instead wears like five different colors.
The SNL performance is very important for another reason: It’s the first time we get Kardashian acknowledgment of the relationship!! Kris reposts the promotional video for Timmy’s appearance on her Insta stories, with the caption “Tune in to SNL tonight!”Mother hath spoken. You can tell Timmy was celebrating that backstage.