Some people feel awkward when someone compliments them: they avert their eyes, start blushing, and tell the person to “stawwwp.” Me? Absolutely not. Keep that shit coming. Tell me I’m beautiful, talented, and everything in between — especially in the bedroom.
I don’t know if it’s because I’m the youngest child or a Capricorn, but along with physical touch, words of affirmation is definitely up there in my list of love languages. And that absolutely translates to my sex life. Moans and groans are a great indication that you’re doing a good job, but nothing beats being explicitly told so. When I’m having sex, one of the best things I can possibly hear is someone calling me a “good girl.” It really does something ungodly to me because the way I spring into action afterwards? Untouchable.
If you feel something akin to an electric spark in the pit of your stomach whenever your partner says something sexually complimentary to you, congrats, girlie, you might have a praise kink.
What Is A Praise Kink?
We all enjoy the occasional compliment. But praise kinks aren’t just about being told, “You look good today.” It’s more about hearing things like, “You’re so sexy, I can’t take my eyes off you.” See the difference?
Nicholas Velotta, relationship scientist and kink expert at Arya, explains that a praise kink is when compliments and affirmations are a huge turn-on, especially in a sexual context — and when, instead of just appreciation, you feel activation (AKA you’re ready to pounce). “For people with a praise kink, being admired verbally or through meaningful actions fuels their desire and deepens their connection with a partner,” he says.
Based on sexual desire and intimacy research conducted at Arya, people who are “Romantics” and “Adventurers” typically resonate strongly with praise kinks.
“Romantics thrive on emotional connection and the feeling of being deeply seen by their partner,” he says. “Language and verbal forms of intimacy are especially important to them, as they see words as a powerful way to build arousal and closeness.” Suppose you get turned on when your partner’s compliments are geared toward more emotional ideas (think: “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted”). In that case, you probably veer more toward what Arya describes as a Romantic.
On the other hand, Adventurers are typically attracted to ideas of novelty and play. Velotta says phrases like “You blow my mind” and “You’re incredible” are more in their wheelhouse. For them, affirmations like “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted” or “I love the way you make me feel” feed not just their arousal but their sense of intimacy and safety. Words of praise are a way to nurture both emotional closeness and physical desire, creating a bridge between the two.
“Admiration becomes another layer of the adventure, turning exploration into a space where they feel both exhilarated and validated,” Velotta says.
How Do I Tell My Partner I Have A Praise Kink?
First, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about — what’s wrong with liking when someone says nice things to you? But it’s understandable if you’re struggling to tell your partner that you want to explore a praise kink.
“Start by framing it as something that excites you, not something they’re doing wrong,” Velotta says. “You can say, ‘You know what turns me on? When you tell me how much you need me. I get this visceral pleasure from seeing or hearing that you crave me.'”
It can even be helpful to tell them specifically what you like to hear. It may be a bit of a learning curve, but I promise if you just openly communicate your needs to your partner, they’ll call you a “good girl” in no time.
What Are Some Things I Can Say To Someone Who Has A Praise Kink?
So your partner has a praise kink and has given you a few places to start — where do you go from there? Here are a few suggestions on phrases to get you started on your way to praising your partner the way they want.
- “Good girl.”
- “You look so good when you [insert sexual act]”
- “You taste delicious.”
- “You take my dick so well.”
- “That’s my girl.”
- “You feel amazing.”
- “I’m so proud of you.”
- “You make me so [wet/hard/horny]”
- “Just like that.”
- “I love fucking you.”
- “You look incredible.”
Are There Any Non-Verbal Ways To Please Someone With A Praise Kink?
Some of those phrases might feel a little intense. So, if you’re not ready to jump into verbal praise just yet, there are ways you can appease your partner’s praise kink without ever opening your mouth (well, at least to talk).
Velotta suggests trying lingering eye contact first, especially in a way that says “you’re irresistible” even if you can’t. Physical gestures work, too — try pulling them close, caressing their face, or even guiding their hands to show them how amazing they make you feel.
Also, there’s always the art of suggestion, like getting an outfit you’d love to see your partner in. “Whether it’s selecting lingerie for a private moment or something they’ll wear throughout the day, it’s a way of saying, ‘I see you, and I adore what I see,’ without needing words,” Velotta says. “The gesture blends playfulness with seduction, creating a shared dynamic of appreciation and connection.”
And, of course, we all love a good gift. For the praise kink community, it’s especially great when the gift is a celebration of a win.
“Whether it’s lingerie that says, ‘You’re the sexiest person alive,’ a sensual spa day together, or a new scent you’d love to smell on them, the message is clear: ‘I value you, you deserve this,'” Velotta says.
