I forget what it was like not talking about Kate Middleton. What did we as society used to find interesting? Everything else seems super boring compared to the Princess of Wales mysteriously disappearing for “abdominal” surgery, Photoshopping pictures of herself to convince us she’s fine, and only appearing in a handful of extremely blurry paparazzi photos and videos. Taylor and Travis kissing at the Eras Tour? Yawning. Ariana singing about her divorce and falling for SpongeBob? So yesterday. I have a one-track mind, and I actually cannot focus on any other subject for three seconds.
For those of us who are dedicated members of the gifted internet sleuth/pop culture expert community, it’s difficult to go about our lives normally right now. In this time of royal chaos and crisis, everyday small talk is starting to feel like a thing of the past. The good news? I’ve experimented and discovered that it’s possible to nudge every single conversation into Kate Middleton territory. If you need help in this department, I’ve created a formal guide that will change your life. We deserve to own our wildly unhealthy obsession!
@betches All I can think of is Kate Middleton 😫 #katemiddletonfans #katemiddleton #katemiddletonedit #whereiskatemiddleton #whereiskate ♬ original sound – Betches
Conversation Topic: Work Being Annoying
Kate Angle:
“Personally, I would like to pull a Kate Middleton and be relieved of my professional responsibilities until at least Easter. And maybe indefinitely.”
Conversation Topic: Health Issue
Kate Angle:
“I mean, it could be always be worse. You could have ‘abdominal surgery’ that’s actually a BBL that’s actually a coma that forces you to disappear and Photoshop pictures for Instagram.”
Conversation Topic: Kim Kardashian
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Kate Angle:
“I kind of stan her these days for that Kate Middleton caption.”
Conversation Topic: TikTok Ban
Kate Angle:
“I don’t give a fuck about who has my data, but I am deeply concerned about the government trying to stop us from helping Kate Middleton. I have 300 conspiracy theory explanation videos saved right now — they’re all part of the investigation.”
Conversation Topic: Taylor Swift’s Upcoming Album
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Kate Angle:
“Kate Middleton saw that ‘So Long, London’ track title and said, ‘That’s my new theme song.'”
Conversation Topic: Farmer’s Market
Kate Angle:
“We should keep an eye out for Kate ’cause she seems to only go out and about for produce these days. Actually though, how did none of those witnesses think to take a picture?”
Conversation Topic: Relationship Problems
Kate Angle:
“To be totally honest, it sounds like a Rose Hanbury situation. I would leave his ass immediately.”
Conversation Topic: Artistic Projects
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Kate Angle:
“My current creative goal is to be better at Photoshop than Kate Middleton is. Like, Princess-Charlotte’s-wrist-is-normal level. Just in case I disappear and have to pretend I didn’t.”
Conversation Topic: Vanderpump Rules
Kate Angle:
“I really cannot sit through one more Scandoval episode. Like, please, it’s been a year since this happened. They need to spice up season 11 with a surprise Kate Middleton appearance at TomTom or something.”
