Image Credit: Getty

Naturally, We Put Together A Timeline Of WTF Is Going On With Kate

The people of the internet (*cough* me) are going to need medical attention soon if there are no conclusive answers regarding #KateGate. Actually where the hell is Kate Middleton? What is her current condition? Why in the world is she claiming to be an amateur photographer? I miss the simple times — the Don’t Worry Darling cast drama era. At least we knew everyone involved was alive and well. This disastrous royal PR is stressing me out almost as much as the Kate scandal itself. Like, someone really needs to get Tree Paine to Windsor Castle immediately… maybe Tay can send the jet.

As the palace makes this situation worse and worse and worse, it’s getting more difficult to keep track of all the ambiguous, eerie updates. Not to fear: I have the comprehensive Kate Middleton timeline you’ve been looking for, complete with all the statements from the palace, the times she’s been “spotted” recently, and details about the whole Photoshop/AI ordeal. As a girl, I’m taking my detective duties very seriously at this time.

December 25, 2023 – The last time girlie was seen in public

Kate Middleton Christmas
Image Credit: Getty

Ah, the good old days. As per royal tradition, Kate walked to church at Sandringham with the fam.

January 17, 2024 – The palace claims Kate’s getting “abdominal surgery”

In the Statement Heard ‘Round the World, the palace shared that Kate was in the hospital for “planned abdominal surgery.” They said that the surgery was successful and that she wouldn’t be making public appearances until after Easter. And so the BBL, curtain bangs, and Willy’s Chocolate Experience conspiracy theories began. Everybody’s so creative!

January 29, 2024 – The palace says Kate’s returned home to recover

They informed us that Kate returned home to continue her recovery and thanked us for the “well wishes.” LOL.

February 29, 2024 – A spokesperson for Kate responds to conspiracy theories

Team Royals was over our conspiracy bullshit at this point. A spokesperson for the princess said, “We were very clear from the outset that the Princess of Wales was out until after Easter and Kensington Palace would only be providing updates when something was significant.” They noted that Kate was “doing well.” Needless to say, the people were not reassured.

March 4, 2024 – The grainy car photo surfaces

Kate was spotted! In a bizarre TMZ car photo. It was the first time she had been seen publicly since Christmas.

March 5, 2024 – The British army posts about Kate attending a June event and then deletes it

The British army had a little fuck-up and claimed that Kate would be attending their annual Trooping the Colour event on June 8. The announcement was swiftly removed, which did not help settle down the rumor mill. Like… June is a long time after January??

March 6, 2024 – Prince William commented on the rumors

The Prince of Wales, who’s apparently been booked and busy recently, found the time to respond to the internet’s concerns about his wife. A spokesperson for him said, “His focus is on his work and not on social media.” Well, that clears things up.

March 10, 2024 – We get the mysterious altered photo

Sigh. They thought they were giving us a wholesome little Insta post, not adding more fuel to the fire. To celebrate Mother’s Day in the U.K., the prince and princess shared a very odd photo of Kate posing with the kids. Except… Princess Charlotte’s sleeve is partially missing, and there’s some other clear editing, too. Not to mention, Kate isn’t wearing a wedding ring? The photo manipulation was so evident that photo agencies literally removed it from their libraries. Another point for the conspiracists.

March 11, 2o24 – They post an Insta Story statement about the photo

They managed to make matters even worse! The couple shared a message ~from Kate~ on their Instagram Story that read, “Like many amateur photographers, I do occasionally experiment with editing. I wanted to express my apologies for any confusion the family photograph we shared yesterday caused. I hope everyone celebrating had a very happy Mother’s Day.” PLEASE. Girlie wasn’t even taking the photo. She was posing for it.

Also March 11, 2024 – Weird car photo #2

Following the strange Photoshop incident, Kate was seen leaving Windsor Castle with Prince William in another fuzzy car photo. Except… people are already pointing out that the brick visible through the car window doesn’t match the brick outside of the car. I need a break. I’m begging you, royals.

March 16, 2024 – Kate is “seen” at a farm shop

TMZ shared a video of Kate witnessed Kate out and about with William, looking “happy, relaxed, and healthy” at her favorite farm shop near her Adelaide Cottage home in Windsor. Maybe we’re all just wired differently now, but… like… is that really her? UN.CLEAR.

March 17, 2024 – She skips the Saint Patrick’s Day parade

Although she became the honorary Colonel of the Irish Guards last year, Kate (shockingly) did not make it to the 2024 Saint Patrick’s Day parade. “Happy St Patrick’s Day!” Kate — or whoever — wrote on X. “Here’s a sneak peak of the @irish_guards rehearsing for their annual parade. Sláinte to all those celebrating today!”

Ilana Frost
Ilana Frost
Ilana Frost is an entertainment writer at Betches. As a teenage girl in her twenties, she spends her time stanning Olivia Rodrigo, baking cakes for award shows, and refusing to ever leave her Reputation era.