Sad But True: Lala Kent Has Never Been A Girl’s Girl

Everyone knows running with the Vanderpump Rules crew isn’t a job for the weak. The girls are in constant catfights and the boys literally brawl every season finale like clockwork. The show has evolved since the early days of The Slap, allowing us to witness some beautiful female friendships break the frenemy barrier. For a moment there, Scandoval seemed to strengthen the bond between Ariana, Katie, Lala, and Scheana until the camera stopped rolling and certain cast members (cough cough Lala and Scheana) decided all the post-Scandoval loyalty and protectiveness weren’t necessary anymore.

As I found myself disappointed in the lack of support for Ariana’s healing journey, somehow I was more surprised by Lala’s behavior. Scheana Shay, bless her heart, has always been accused by the cast of being a pick me, actively making sure to ride in the metaphorical guys’ van of VPR. Also, her friendship with Tom Sandoval was legitimately solid, so I can somewhat empathize with the emotional struggle of leaving him behind (though you’d only have to call me a homewrecker once but then again, like Ms. Madix, I’m a June Cancer). After one of several fights instigated by Lala against Katie this season, the group agrees “Can we go back to being the spice girls again?” The truth is Lala Kent could’ve never been the Scary to Ariana’s Sporty or Katie’s Posh because, though it hurts to admit it, Lala is more of a mean girl than a girls’ girl. Let me show you the evidence.

Lala and Randall’s Origin Story

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When Lala was introduced to the show it was under a cloud of mystique about a mystery man she was dating. Lala didn’t want to talk about it except for all the expensive gifts he was buying her like the infamous Range Rover. Despite the BJs for PJs bragging blowing up in her face, Lala kept the hype going, even as stories of discontent from this mystery man’s wife hit the tabloids. It became known the man was Randall Emmett and that the angry wife in question was the mother of Emmett’s then-only children, Ambyr Childers. Did Lala express empathy for (at a minimum) getting caught in a sticky marital situation? No, she did not. She bashed Ambyr for a long time as the crazy ex-wife. The two have thankfully made up since and even hang out now that Lala abandoned her long-held agenda to make everyone think Randall was her dream man they should be jealous of. Still, it’s hard to forget how brazen Lala was about flexing a man at another woman, wife, and mother’s expense.

Summer Body Showdown

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Lala’s illicit affair was not taken kindly by the women of SUR. Katie was particularly cruel in her criticism of Lala’s moral compass, only egged on by the fact that Lala would frequently change her story about whether the rumors were true. Her sparring with Stassi, Scheana, Kristen, and Katie was volatile because of that. Regardless of Katie’s harsh judgment, the scene where Lala and James walk over to the OGs unprovoked to criticize their bodies was particularly icky. While James took the insults to a new low, Lala kicked the party off with “I can see some of us haven’t been working on our summer bodies”. Lala was naturally hurt and embarrassed for being “labeled” a mistress but frankly, that’s what she was at the time, so to attack some of the girls based on their size felt like an unnecessary dig when they had been going after her actions, not her looks. Plus, though it shouldn’t matter, there wasn’t a girl at that table beyond the average size of the American woman, anyway. Lala was preying on an insecurity every girl faces for revenge.

Bambi-Eyed-Bitch Fit

It’s hard to defend Rachel knowing what we know now, but let’s go back to 2019 when she was James’ unassuming supportive girlfriend. Lala was going through a very hard time after the loss of her father and the group could feel her unresolved grief coming out as rage. In a misunderstanding where Lala presumed Rachel had been speaking negatively about her concerning her father, Lala called Rachel pathetic, dumb, and a “bambi-eyed bitch.” It was one of many times (again, pre-Scandoval) that Lala used Rachel’s demeanor as easy ammo for punching down. Recent choices have demonstrated Rachel’s judgment leaves a lot to be desired, but at the time Lala was pouncing on an obvious insecurity (that Rachel had trouble fitting in not being as quick-witted as the intimidating older girls). Rachel expressed how upsetting it was to be made to feel intellectually inferior but Lala still made a “Bambi Eyed Bitch” eyeshadow palette to commemorate the dig.

Skipping Scheana’s Wedding Activities

Lala and Scheana have had a rocky relationship but they eventually got close after the births of their girls Ocean and Summer Moon. In fact, Scheana seems to be the only one from the group Lala still talks to, probably because Scheana proudly learned how to navigate the “extra checking in Lala needs in a friendship” that she scolded Katie about. But if they are so close, why did Lala choose to skip half of Scheana’s wedding events on the resort in Mexico because Katie and Kristina Kelly seemed like the cooler plan? There’s nothing worse than a BFF that makes you feel like #1 until there are better people around. When Scheana confronted Lala about this she barely gave her the time of day and blamed it on Rachel, an easy excuse.

Abandoning Ariana’s Ship

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This season has been a wild about face considering no one screamed louder at Rachel and Sandoval than Lala Kent. In the name of Ariana, she relentlessly pointed out every unprecedented act of betrayal that the problematic duo refused to take accountability for at the reunion. But by the time the cameras picked back up Lala was eager to reach out to Rachel as a shoulder to cry on, a girl she historically was never kind to, Scandoval aside. After Lisa encouraged the group to refrain from ganging up on Tom for the sake of his mental health, Lala seemingly took that advice to the extreme and went out of her way to humor his feelings and give him a second chance when the footage shows they were never even pals to begin with. On top of that, she begs Ariana more than once to give Tom grace when she’s done no such thing with her own ex. (She pulls a similar move with Katie and Jo, sitting down with one of her best friend’s haters whom she has no connection to, and then pretending Katie’ was unreasonable for wanting an explanation.) Strangest of it all, Lala has made a serious habit of watching Ariana’s pockets this season, from name-dropping brand deals as backhanded compliments to harping on about Ariana staying in the house she legally owns (and then having the nerve to ask Ariana to borrow it for an event!). Lala, girl, it’s getting weird. Maybe the reunion will reveal why she’s turned on every girl in her circle at one point or another.