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Ameribetch

Sponsored by Suave Anyone who's been alive for more than, like, two seconds knows your hair can make or break your day.

You know that feeling when you wake up in a stranger’s bed, hungover AF and all you want is a glass of chilled water before you can even look at your 42 missed texts from your group chat?

If you thought Blair Waldorf's schemes were evil, wait until you see the trailer for Thoroughbreds.

Last year, I tried the Intermittent Fasting diet for this site, and if you’ll recall from that article, one of my biggest complaints was that it wasn’t structured enough.

Fuckboys are not always easy to spot in the wild, given their highly adaptive nature and ability to blend in. Any betch that's been through the Amazon jungle of dating knows that meeting a fuckboy now is like finding a Rattata in the original Gameboy Pokemon—it's common AF but you always hope it's something better.

You would never buy a shirt without asking your friends if it looked good on you first, so why would you date someone without asking the stars?

The hardest part of working out is just going to the gym—and then doing it the next day, and the next...

You don't have to play the ukelele or ride a unicycle to be adorable, because Sugarfina has partnered with Sanrio on a new collection of Hello Kitty themed candy just in time for the end of swimsuit season.

Threesomes are (still) thought of as some scandalous sex act, despite this being 2017 and a time when songs on the radio say things like "he gotta eat the booty like groceries".

The weather is getting crazier and there's less and less reason to go outside.

We already know we love Chrissy Teigen, but we just found another reason to love her more.

Unless you're a nice girl who believes you'll "find love when you're not looking", you shouldn't put "not here for the hookups" on your Tinder profile.

It doesn't have to involve a serious talk, and it definitely shouldn't involve going through his Instagram DMs.

You've survived your summer blackout and are finally going to relax this fall, right?

It's almost cuffing season, which also means everyone's staying inside watching TV because we no longer have to pretend to give a shit about our summer bodies.

You can only have so many girls nights where Adriana's breakup is the center of attention before you start eyeing the bro selection and hoping one of them isn't a complete douche to distract you.

We need to talk about Lawrence from Insecure.

If you really think about it, "Winter is coming" is just HBO’s fancy way of saying "Get ready for cuffing season." At first glance, Slutty Dungeons and Dragons Game of Thrones just seems like some nerd fantasy come to life, but this is 2017 and Dave Franco’s character in 21 Jump Street taught us that hot people can like nerd shit too.

Now that summer is halfway over and all the good holidays have passed, you find yourself bored.

We get it, there's a lot of shows to watch out there.

Our therapist once told us "when people show you who they are, believe them" and we can't remember if she was talking about our parents or the President, but this very much applies to online dating as well.

You know that feeling you get that you're better than everyone else?

So you're in a relationship that you're not sure about.

It's hot out, which means when you're not at the pool getting day drunk, you're watching Netflix and literally trying to chill.

You're on a date with a bro you met online and three Moscow mules in, you're actually hitting it off and considering making out with him if he leaves a decent tip.

Now that dating apps are like chill to use (kinda), you’re probably on a few of them.

It’s not chic to talk about money if you have money, but it’s also very unbetchy to get ripped off.

Working out might be one way to get fit, but you can improve your fitness and health without even sweating at Soulcycle.

We all know when you say you "love to travel" it really means theoretically, considering the most recent trips you've taken probably involved drugs in a field rather than like, getting on a plane.

Listen up betches, just because you're a precious, unique snowflake doesn't mean parts of you aren't a little predictable.

So you've been in a long term relationship and you haven't given up on each other yet, congratulations.

Social media is like putting on makeup on but for your entire life—it's not exactly lying but it's definitely not the full truth.

Betches have high standards because we are a high standard.

Every good club eventually becomes a wasteland, and TBT has officially reached that point.

So you've been putting shit on your tab too much and your credit card is maxed out.

Listen, I know that in these modern, Instagrammable times, everybody expects you to be out late and updating your story with increasingly drunken and unintelligible videos until at least 3am, but I'm here to tell you that you do not have to live that life.

In case you haven't seen Entourage, day drinking and living in LA go hand in hand.

The Betches are always looking out for you, because we're such a good friend.

In spite of showing up to class hungover after dollar beer nights almost every week, you still made it to graduation.

If you live in LA, first of all, we're sorry, but second of all we get it.

We’ve officially reached a point where dating apps are a standard way to meet people.

Sure, you may have started hooking up with a bro you didn’t exactly want to date, but as often happens when two people sleep together after a while, you may have actually developed feelings.

Remember Cher’s closet from Clueless?

Whether you live in LA or are just on vacay there, you can't leave without gramming an avocado toast at brunch—that's just like, the rules of feminism.

Catcalling is the basic bitch of trying to pick up girls.

This is why we can't have nice things.

Spring is officially here which means it's officially all about you season.

Let’s be real, the only reason you’re posting on Snapchat is because you look good, but obvs you can’t just post a selfie without a caption.

Starbucks just launched a new drink today called the Unicorn Frappuccino, and it’s basically the Mountain Dew of coffee.

Why is it that the shadier a bro is, the more likely you are to have a crush on him?