6 Questions You Need To Ask Yourself Before Having A Threesome

Threesomes are (still) thought of as some scandalous sex act, despite this being 2017 and a time when songs on the radio say things like “he gotta eat the booty like groceries”. This is probably because threesomes are either considered a last-ditch effort to spice up a relationship or a super slutty thing to do when you’re high on coke. Obviously we’re beyond both these stereotypes, but it doesn’t help that pop culture and TV shows like Gossip Girl still use threesomes as a plot point to destroy a relationship. Anyway, you might be considering having a threesome because you’re bored or because you’re genuinely curious, but before you decide to make your relationship a multiplayer game, here are a few things to consider.

1. Who Suggested It?

Think about this carefully. Did you first suggest having a threesome, or did the guy you’re dating? Guys are pretty good at incepting fantasies, so unless you have been dreaming of this before you two started dating, there’s a good chance you’re looking for a way to please him as opposed to actually wanting to have a threesome. If he mentioned being into a threesome and you thought it’d be a Cool Girl thing to do, you probably should wait before pursuing. And ask yourself, does he really want a threesome, or does he just want an opportunity to fuck another girl without you being able to say shit about it? However, if you’ve always been curious and finally are in a relationship with a dude who you trust enough to try it with, then you should go for it. Just make sure you set some ground rules, like no exchanging numbers with your third or looking into her eyes during climax.

2. Are You Attracted To Both Of The People Involved?

You might not actually want to date both of them, but would you at least make out with both of them if you met them on their own? Even if you’re not totally into girls and one of them is a girl, you should not be repulsed by her face and/or the idea of seeing her naked. Pretty groundbreaking stuff here.

I Kissed A Girl

3. Is This Something That Could Happen Again?

Unless you’re on Feeld swiping for couples constantly, you’re probably just curious to check it off your list. If you’re in a relationship and you both want to try having a threesome, just know that once you’ve crossed the line, he might want to do it again. Much like women who say “I never do this” really do “this” all the time, saying something is going to be a one time thing is almost a guarantee it’s just the beginning of more of the same thing. You wouldn’t tolerate him cheating on you just for “the experience”, so if you’re not into having a threesome more than once, you probably aren’t into having it in the first place.

4. Are You Cool With Watching Your Partner Have Sex With Someone Else?

It seems obvious but is apparently not, given the amount of internet threads I read that go something like: “I thought it would be hot, but then I watched my boyfriend/girlfriend/whoever have sex with another person in front of me and now our relationship is ruined.” Don’t just go into this blind (read: drunk). It requires a real talk beforehand and some boundary setting. Are you okay if your boyfriend sticks his dick in another girl? Is he allowed to do everything but penetration? If so, why are you even doing this in the first place? Kidding. Sort of. Do what makes you happy.

None Of My Business

5. How Jealous Are You?

No, really—how jealous are you? Be honest. Nobody’s looking at your answers here (you don’t even need to write them down, what are you doing?). Do you feel kind of salty when you see your boyfriend like another girl’s picture on Instagram? Do you still stalk his ex girlfriends to make sure they’re not prettier than you? If you answered yes to these questions, then you’ll never be chill watching him stick his dick inside another girl in front of you. AND THAT’S PERFECTLY OKAY. We don’t live in an episode of Insecure—threesomes and open relationships are not for everyone. Don’t lie to yourself and pretend to be okay with something you’re not, because in the end you’ll only end up playing yourself.

6. If You’re The Third—Do You Ever Have To See The Couple Again?

You might just be bored and looking to spice up your own sex life, but do you really want to be a part of some couple’s dinner party story in 30 years when they’re trying to seem more “interesting” than their other lame couple friends? Unless it’s Chrissy Teigen and John Legend, having sex with a couple is something they’re going to be way more into than you usually are. If you hate PDA and are prone to gagging when you see couples kissing on the subway (hi), there’s no way that watching two people who are dating and (*pukes*) in love fuck each other is going to turn you on. I just don’t see it happening. Also, if you’re even considering sleeping with a couple in your social circle, DON’T. If things go south you’re probably going to get branded as a home wrecker (not saying it’s fair, just saying it’s what happens). Not to mention, once you’ve exchanged bodily fluids with a couple, attending dinner parties with them just seems like a weird time.

Awkward

Bottom line is, you should feel free to explore a threesome if you’re into it. But if you’re only doing it to make your partner think you’re a Cool Girl, or worse, to keep someone from cheating on you (spoiler alert: he probably already is), then you’re better off making him think you’re into the idea of a threesome and not actually doing it. In general, don’t have a threesome unless you’re the one calling the shots. Ideally you’re on vacation out of the country, so even if he did fall in love with the other girl, she won’t speak English and he won’t be able to track her down ever again. Kidding. Sort of.

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