It’s official — there are now only 75 days left til the New Year. I know, I know “where has the time gone,” “wow, another year” — we get it. But instead of focusing on the plethora of things we didn’t achieve in 2024 (how’s learning that new language or pilates going?), it’s time to lock in with the only thing that matters right now: cuffing season. Okay, I know that’s not very independent-strong-woman of me, but it’s getting cold out and a betch is lonely — so I’m just going to assume you are too. And sure, you could be using this time to set new fitness goals or get closer to your family, but fuck that. We’re finding a boo that we can kiss on New Years. You’ve heard of the 75 Hard and 75 Soft when it comes to “changing your life” so here’s our cuffing season version: The 75 Hard and 75 Soft for Finding a Bae by New Years.
If you haven’t heard of the 75 Hard or Soft before, things are about to get real AF. The 75 Hard is a challenge aimed at helping you improve your life in… you guessed it: 75 days. Andy Frisella, the CEO who invented it, called it a “transformative mental toughness program.” It usually involves drinking a lot of water, moving your body, picking up a book from time to time — you know, things that make you feel better than anyone else. Except the “Hard” part implies that you’re doing something extremely regimented. But since we’re primarily focus on changing your relationship status from “I honestly don’t know” to “in a happy relationship (that my partner also agrees is a relationship” we’re going to need to buckle down. But don’t worry, we know everyone’s discipline is different — which is why we’ve created a 75 Hard and a 75 Soft.
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75 Hard
1. Two cry seshes per week. One must be in therapy.
2. Delete all of your exes’ numbers out of your phone.
3. No drunk reacting to Instagram stories.
4. Fridays and Saturdays are off-limits for dates.
5. A 3-time limit to downloading and then deleting the apps.
6. Before you send that “WYD” text — masturbate.
7. You’re only allowed to cancel on plans with friends three times — the love of your life may be at that bar or lounge.
8. Start some sort of intensive physical activity at least 3-4 times a week to get your mind off of sex.
9. Check story views only once (☝️) day to see if they watched.
10. In fact, delete you-know-who off all your social media.
75 Soft
1. Try journaling if talking about your feelings give you anxiety.
2. No more thirst-traps directed at one person. Thirst traps for your general Instagram audience are okay — you’re hot!
3. Only swipe right on people you actually find attractive.
4. Don’t scowl at potential suitors across a bar.
5. Try going out for lunch or dinner alone.
6. Don’t repost any Instagram memories of your vacation from 3+ years ago.
7. Stop rewatching Gilmore Girls — you don’t want to be like anyone on that show.
8. Stop looking like a mountain troll when you go out to run small errands.
9. Don’t make it obvious that you’re lonely on Instagram (i.e. “wish I had someone to watch Hocus Pocus with *sad face emoji*”)
10. Mute your ex-situationship’s posts and stories.
