Recently, I had a major confrontation with one of my friends where she basically told me she doesn’t like my boyfriend of two years and thinks he is controlling me. It wasn’t so much what she said that matters but the context and tone, as if she thinks she is the boss of me and even blatantly said she will not be my friend until I am no longer with my boyfriend. The thing is we weren’t even that close, and for some reason she thinks that those days we did hang out I was “so much different” and that my boyfriend has changed me (which everyone else around says he hasn’t, she just didn’t know me well enough then). Truth is, I had a lot going on last year and I know for a fact that she has always been somewhat intimidated by me as she kind of is on the heavier side and cheated on her boyfriend of two-weeks, which was her only relationship in the last 4 years.
She has cut all ties with me for good now, even though we decided not to talk to each other for half a year since our fall out last year-and she was the one who initiated text messages asking to meet up after new years. After all the things she said, especially about my boyfriend who has been there for me much more than her, I just can’t stop thinking whether she felt intimated by my relationship or whether there was some other reason for her outrageous attitude. Perhaps there is something I am not seeing in all of this that will make her reaction make more sense to me…and note, I told her I don’t like being told what to do and if a friend has something to tell me out of concern they can suggest it but NOT force it on me.
Please shed some light on this for me, how much is too much when it comes to telling your “friends” that you have a problem with their relationship? Was she out of line or could I have done something differently here? Thanks betches.
Confused Former Friend
Dear Confused Former Friend,
Your friend sounds like a huge judgmental loser and you probably did a good thing by cutting her out. The only girls who have huge problems with other people’s boyfriends (granted they’re not physically/emotionally abusive or cheating on you) are people who are inherently unhappy and who have time to give a shit about other people’s love lives. Misery loves company and people who are mis look to find issues with other people’s relationships because it makes them feel better about themselves. It sounds like you were never that good friends to begin with so I’m not sure exactly why you care.
If you asked for specifics and all her reasons sound vague and she probably just thought you were better friends before and is pissed that you stopped hanging out with her as much. Again, I don’t know her reasons or your relationship so it’s hard to say for sure. Any girl who would stop talking to another girl because of the nature of the girl’s relationship with her boyfriend on an issue that has nothing to do with them clearly has some other issues. Like, hello, lesbians! For instance, I don’t give a shit about my friends relationships as long as they’re dating guys who are nice to both me and them because I have my own life and more than one friend. Your friend is clearly lacking in both categories.
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