Ah, Halloween. Most people use it as an opportunity to dress like a slut when nobody can say anything about it, but some people get this holiday confused with an occasion to become the worst human being alive and not expect any repercussions. Well if you’re in the latter camp, I’ve got good news for you. If you’re a garbage human, you should definitely attempt one of these topical costume ideas.
1. Hurricane Matthew
If your name is Matthew, this is such an easy one! IDK how exactly one goes about dressing like a hurricane—lots of blue, maybe? Go around killing people and destroying their homes? You’ll think of something. Bonus: You can go around telling every woman just how wet you can get her. Amazing!
2. Kim Kardashian Getting Robbed
She’s rich and famous, and rich people don’t deserve basic safety, amirite? It’s not like she’s a wife and mother to two small children. Fuck Kim! Let’s all mock what was probably the most horrifying night of her life! OMG, so fun. Costumeish.com took this costume down from their website, where it was originally sold, but don’t fret—if you’re twisted enough I’m sure you won’t let that stop you.
3. Kim Kardashian’s Robbers
A cute riff on the above, but for this one I’m thinking like, sexy burglar mixed with person with no morals. It’s the perfect way to tell people you have absolutely no empathy and are probably a borderline sociopath with criminal tendencies.
4. The Zika Virus
Take your average mosquito costume (they make those, right?) and jazz it up a bit with this très au courant disease that been declared a global public health emergency. Sounds scandalous! The best part is, this disease primarily affects the most mockable subsection of the population: pregnant women. Pregnant women: so vulnerable, so worthy of our scorn. Hahaha isn’t this sooo fun?
It’s not like it was national news or anything when a gorilla was killed because a child somehow crawled into his enclosure. It definitely didn’t spark controversy in regards to animal rights and parenting. So go ahead, dress as Harambe on Halloween. Even better, whip your dick out while you do it. It’s what Harambe would have wanted.