Texts From Your Shitty High School Ex Trying To Hook Up With You The Night Before Thanksgiving

‘Tis the damn season for exes to shamelessly crawl back into your life. You’ve moved away, you’re downloading and deleting Hinge every other week, and you’ve even realized orgasms can be possible without a vibrator. Yet the moment you return to your parents’ home for the holidays, it’s like an alarm goes off in town, and every shitty ex suddenly slides into your DMs. 

It’s a time for being grateful, and the main thing you’re grateful for is that you no longer have to put up with their bullshit. But they just want to catch up, to ask how the family is doing, to reminisce on times that really don’t look that good in hindsight. 

Not only does Thanksgiving come with comments on your weight, questions about your dating life, and listening to your grandfather’s borderline racist tirade, but it also includes the classic return of the shitty exes, with a conversation like this:


Fleurine Tideman
Fleurine Tideman
Fleurine Tideman, a European-based copywriter. She’s interesting (cause she’s from Europe), speaks multiple languages (again, she's from Europe), and is mentally unhinged (despite socialized healthcare). You can find her European musings on Twitter @ByFleurine and her blog, Symptoms of Living, both of which are written to the sounds of unhinged Taylor Swift playlists.