Happy solstice! It’s officially the start of summer. I’m sorry to say, all the sweating you’ve done so far this month didn’t count until now. But in good news, you can start every mind numbing convo with, “I can’t wait until it’s cold again,” until at least October. And then winter will come, and the cycle of complaining continues, as god intended. So while this grass is greener, it’s time to fill that oversized tote bag with a summer starter pack that should last you through fall.
In case you didn’t know, the summer solstice is the longest day of the year, which means so much extra time to contemplate your life choices. Fun!! And that’s exactly what the pagan holiday has been traditionally used for: a period of reflection with a focus on personal growth. Whether you’re feeling ripe for manifestation, or in the mood to rewatch Midsommar, this summer starter pack should help you survive the season.
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Folklore
No, not the Taylor Swift album. The summer solstice is full of ~mysticism,~ which means we’re manifesting, whispering secrets, and starting new rituals. Pick your persona for the summer: fairy princess baby girl or vampire witch mother. But for the love of GAWD, do not wear a flower crown. (Sorry, Florence Pugh!)
Ice cream and lactaid pills
This one is a combo deal. We’re not letting dairy get in the way of our romanticized summer nights. It’s gotta be from an ice cream truck that looks like it moonlights as a kidnapper’s van. Oh, and get a cone! Cups are for losers who hate fun.
A slutty mindset
We’re kissing people this summer, baby! I don’t care if its your toxic situationship or your codependent homoerotic friendship, we’re ignoring red flags for the plot. Unfortunately, in order to find cuties to flirt with, you will need to leave the house. This is where the slutty mindset will come in handy. Just remember, to listen to “brat” on repeat to support the vibes. Good luck, babe!
The tiniest fan you can find
Just an itty, bitty baby fan. It might keep only a square inch of you cool, but a portable fan does wonders for relationships. I swear my handheld fan saved my friendship from ruin when we both got overheated in New Orleans. True story.
Paper-wrapped flowers
I’m just a girl!!! I deserve pretty things even if they die within a week. Time to pray to our pagan saints of farmer market bouquets: Jeremy Allen White and Meryl Streep. I don’t give a fuck if they even make it to a vase. Flowers are for carrying around so other people will be like: OMG what a vibe!! It’s basically a community service.
Fresh af fruit
I want watermelon dripping down my arms. I want to be sticky from stone fruit. If I’m going to be subjected to long afternoons of picnics without proper chairs or air conditioning, I want to drown in nature’s juices. (Ew, I regret typing that.) You know what, I don’t care! If Timmy Chalamet can fuck a peach, than I can wax poetic on nature’s juices.
Literal chill pills
Oops, looks like that seasonal depression wasn’t so seasonal. It’s time to top up that SSRI prescription because rotting in bed isn’t as cute when it’s light out until 9pm. If meds aren’t your thing, it looks like Vitamin D is back on the menu. Soak up the sun and finally give yourself a fucking break.
Books to throw in your tote bag (but won’t actually read)
It’s crucial to sit outside a café with a book you haven’t read more than one chapter of. You’re not like other girls! You don’t scroll on your phone! You’re so bookish and belong in Gilmore Girls (season 1 or 2 before Rory got annoying). If you actually plan on really reading (sure, Jan), check out these poolside reads that won’t make you think too hard. And it’s still pride month, so the least you can do is peruse this list of best LGBTQ+ books that deserve a spot on your shelf. (I’m currently reading Elle Everhart’s Hot Summer if you even care!)
Aperol spritz IV
I need aperol spritz directly to the veins. But I’d also take rosé on tap. Really any crisp, cool drink will do, as long as I can make it my whole personality. Also, because I believe in emotional support water bottles (I’m a girl’s girl), I fully support making pre-batched cocktails for the road.
Cute sunglasses you’ll absolutely lose
Is it even an adventure if you still have all your shit at the end of summer? No! Protect your designer sunglasses and break out the shitty Prada dupes you got on Amazon. And don’t worry, I own this exact pair and my ears have yet to turn green. Girlies without a trust fund deserve to be fashionable too!
Pop princess playlist
You can’t have a hot girl summer without a hot girl summer soundtrack. It’s simple girl math. And if you’re unsure of where to start, I heartily encourage you to include Chappell Roan, Reneé Rapp, Sabrina Carpenter, and Charli XCX, at a minimum.
Sunscreen that doubles as perfume
Vacation’s sunscreen smells so good, they literally sell it as a perfume (I’m dead serious). It leans tropical without feeling like you were dipped in a piña colada (not that I would be mad about that). And because I’m insane and terrified of the sun, I will also be applying Naked Sunday’s SPF 50 water gel serum as well. Freckles are cute but sunburns are not.
Love letters
Fine, you can text people if you’re gonna be lame about it. But it’s far more fun to scribble all your yearning on a piece of paper before embarrassing yourself in front of a crush. If you really wanna have fun with it, make it anonymous. XOXO, Gossip Girl style.
Cryproof mascara
Duh, for crying. But also, if I’m not near a body of water this summer, I can guarantee a mental breakdown. Also, I plan on sweating A LOT. I need makeup that isn’t going to fail me when I emerge from the subway with a DIY “dewy” complexion. Thankfully I have access to girlies who cry all the time and everyone agrees Too Faced’s Better Than Sex waterproof mascara is top tier for swimming or otherwise.
Dressing like Adam Sandler
Cute fits can’t happen in 95 degrees and 100% humidity. Pour one out for the OG fashion girlie, Adam Sandler. Gym shorts, oversized tees, and flip flops are key. However, if you see me cosplaying as a milkmaid in a sundress, no you didn’t.
