One of the first times I had sex, I got caught by my then-boyfriend’s mother. Actually, let me correct myself: I got caught by my then-boyfriend’s mother and her dog. And when she stumbled upon her sweet son in doggy style with the girl she thought was over for a “history project,” she was so mortified that she screamed and literally covered her dog‘s eyes.
Since then, I’ve never dated (or fucked) anyone with a dog. Somewhere deep down, that trauma has probably followed me. And I’m sure her dog carries it, too! This got me thinking: how do people who are huge dog people (the ones that let them sleep in their bed, etc.) have sex in front of their dogs? I mean, I like a little exhibitionist action, but not exactly with a furry friend.
So I asked Manuela Brumm, a certified dog trainer with dog training app Woofz, for tips on navigating sex when you’re worried about your pup ruining the mood. “Your dog watching you and your partner have sex can be uncomfortable, but there’s no need to worry,” Brumm tells Betches. “For a dog, sex is nothing more than a set of movements and scents.”
But if you’re still not into the idea of an audience from your good boy (the dog one), Brumm explains that there are things you can do to ensure your privacy without having to resort to locking them in a room. Without further ado, here’s how to have sex with a dog around.
1. Get Active
Brumm says that sex wouldn’t be so shocking to a dog if they’re used to seeing you do those movements often. Now, no one’s telling you to start dry-humping the air around your dog randomly, but there are other ways to get them accustomed to you doing “weird” movements around the house.
“If imitation feels too awkward, try doing yoga, pilates, or any other active sport — anything to get your dog used to seeing you in ‘action,'” she says.
2. Distract Your Dog
“Distracting your dog and keeping them busy is always a great skill, even outside the context of intimate moments,” Brumm says. “When you’re busy and unable to give them attention, chewable toys and sniffing mats can be a great help.” She explains that you can do this by setting up a toy corner and training your dog to play there without you. The less dependent your pup is on you, the less they’ll miss you when you’re off getting boned (get it?).
3. Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries
Sure, you love your dog, and it is your child. But do you want to get laid in peace or not? Alright then.
“Distracting your dog is good, but teaching boundaries is crucial,” Brumm says. “Train your dog to stay alone in another room and encourage them by giving them a treat when they do a good job.”
And I’m sorry, but she also advises that you stop letting your dog sleep in bed with you. I’m not lying! “I know it’s often hard to refuse your dog from crawling into bed and snuggling but asserting this boundary is important,” she says. “They want to be in your space because they’re used to lying in bed with you.”
4. Play Your Sex Playlist On Blast
Now, I love a good sex playlist, so this is a win-win for me. Not only do you get to set the mood, but you’re also keeping your dog from getting confused or alerted by all the sounds. But don’t just save the tunes for sexy time.
“Play videos or recordings with similar sounds for your dog to get familiar with,” Brumm says. “If your pet is sensitive, calming music can also help them chill while you do your thing.”
