What To Do When You Hate Your Boyfriend's Mom

In this special edition of Dear Betch, we hear from two readers who hate their boyfriends’ moms. If you have a problem only The Betches can solve, email us at [email protected] and you just might get a response.

Dear Betch,

I’ve been dating this guy a year to be soon I am 17 his mom found out we have sex. Then she was upset cause I made fun of her weight I weigh about 170 she weighs 552. I’m one of those people that think you should make your body healthy. I’m very nice I’ve cleaned her house even done dishes on multiple occasions. Helped her celebrate Mother’s Day too. But she f no one wants to deal with his little sister Jessie which weighs more than me and is in 6th grade all they eat is fast food. His mom has caused him to lose many girlfriends in the past I think his mom’s just freaking out, this is a long relationship showing he is growing up. She wants him to live home till after college. The mother can not do anything for herself she makes him do all house stuff even if he is up stairs he comes down stairs to put a disk in the DVD player. When I’m there we don’t get time together since his mom needs him 24/7. My family loves him they support everything.  His mom uses my crappy mom against me saying she knows I’ve grown up in a house where the mom don’t make the rules but I grew up in a dad’s house and that’s more rules I love my dad he’s taken care of me she can not use my mother against me I didn’t ask for a mom like yea… I will stop ranting down to basics how do I deal with the helicopter mom reading his texts looking through photos everyday she acted nice at first but now she don’t like me.

Dear Youth,

Jesus, this was a fucking lot to push myself through when I’m dealing with a music festival hangover. Anyway, like, my first piece of advice WOULD be to study some English textbooks but I’m trying to be a better person and the fault really lies in the American education system *breathes deeply*. Okay so really, I don’t have a lot of advice here. I know you’re 17 and teenagers are stupid, but to say you shouldn’t have made fun of your boyfriend’s mom’s weight is a huge understatement. Like, what is wrong with you? I don’t care if she weighs 10,000 pounds—you don’t fucking do that, especially if this is someone you’re trying to impress. I have a feeling your boyfriend’s mom doesn’t like you because you show open disdain for her lifestyle and parenting choices—not saying they’re stellar, but I probably wouldn’t be thrilled if some teenager was trying to criticize how I live my life. 

Really, all you can do is just lay low and try not to interact with your boyfriend’s mom that much. When you do interact with her, play nice. It’s just not worth it. Get out of the house. Go to Applebee’s. Hang out in a parking lot. IDK what else teenagers do. Just do what I do with most of my problems: ignore them, and then when you come face to face with them, pretend they don’t exist.

You’re probably not going to stay together through college anyway,

The Betches

Sorry Not Sorry

Dear Betch,

33 weeks into my pregnancy, hormonal and honestly ready to pop this baby out already ! I’m so excited and so happy…..ONE MAJOR PROBLEM.

My boyfriend’s bitch mother who is way too involved in his life and way too clingy like a 16-year-old jealous ex-girlfriend. Seriously.

When I first got pregnant we were both pretty freaked out and I ended up moving out of our house because we were fighting and I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I ended up obviously deciding to have the baby.

His mom was harassing me and my family and telling me she hopes the baby miscarries and when I have this baby she will make my life a living hell. She even had the nerve to try to call my work and harass me !!!

My boyfriend and I didn’t speak for 3 months and agreed NO contact and I would have the baby alone and my family would support me, on the condition he stayed away….Well, three months later he came crawling back crying and saying he wants to be involved and wants to be in the baby’s life.

Like an idiot I did let him back, then  three months ago she had the nerve to tell my boyfriend SHE EXPECTED A CALL FROM ME !!!! FROM ME?! Which started a HUGE fight…. She has not called me, or apologized to me or my family for what happened in the beginning of the pregnancy, and has the audacity to give my boyfriend Name suggestions and tell him her ideas and try to over step decorate my baby’s nursery, LOL Buying I <3 my Grandma shirts. I am beyond heated and livid how shes trying to play victim and acting like shes done nothing wrong.

As an olive branch from my parents…. They told me to send her an invitation to the baby shower, so I gave one to my boyfriend and she texted me to RSVP….STILL NOT SAYING A WORD OR A SORRY!!! This lady really has balls thinking shes going to show up with out an apology….

Now 8 months pregnant, my boyfriend gets offended every time I try to tell him he needs to tell her not to overstep or there is going to be major issues! Literally all we fight about is her and to make things worse she really asked him if she can be there when I deliver !!! I do not want this lady there in one of my most precious moments in life giving birth to my son. I have no idea how to handle this situation any longer.

What do I do? How do i not kill this lady ? Please help !


You friendly neighborhood pregnant girl

Dear Pregnant Gal,

Sorry I took like a month to get back to you, you might have even had the baby by now in which case, congrats. Unlike the first girl, you have a real issue on your hands and the issue is that your boyfriend’s mother sounds like a fucking nightmare. Unfortunately the solution isn’t really up to you—it’s on your boyfriend to fix things. He’s the father of your damn child; he needs to start standing up to his mom and not letting her treat you like shit. If he doesn’t do that, she’s never going to change. So it’s time to have a come-to-Jesus talk: either he grows a backbone, or you cut all contact with his mother (and frankly, maybe even your boyfriend too if he refuses to support you). I would also check out two subreddits: JustNoMIL (it’s for people who have terrible mothers-in-law) and RaisedByNarcissists (it is what it sounds like). Not to play armchair psychologist, but it sounds like your boyfriend’s situation might apply to the second one. Those people can probably give you way better, concrete advice since I am single and my parents are embarrassing, yes, but not narcissists.

I don’t have a snarky sign-off so I’m just going to say best of luck to you,

The Betches