By now we’ve all heard of the golden retriever boyfriend. You know, the eager-to-please, universally-liked, energetic boy toy who just wants to spend every waking minute trying to win over your attention.
With over 180 million views on TikTok, it’s a clear favorite breed of boyfriend. But not everyone wants a significant other who lives to simp. (Personally speaking, I literally have a golden retriever and wouldn’t trade her for the world. Love you, Nala!)
So, if your S.O. is nothing like an easy-going doofus and more of a butt-licking, low energy fur baby or an aggressively territorial canine, have no fear! There’s a reason why everyone has a different type. Here are some examples of boyfriend breeds who deserve a furever home as well.
I learned Kylie Jenner owns a pack of Italian greyhounds. Timothée is simply joining the kennel. pic.twitter.com/okkdmzchOy
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) December 14, 2023
A slender, elegant creature, the Italian Greyhound boyfriend is quite affectionate, if not incredibly European. He might correct your pronunciation of “ESPRESSO” within an inch of your life but makes a great companion. There’s a reason Kylie Jenner collects them like toys.
Super intense dude who is loyal to a fault but hates strangers. He says he wants to protect you but really he just wants you to tell him he’s tough. (Prone to biting if he isn’t trained properly!)
Really big dude who just wants to vibe. He’s essentially Travis Kelce. (I know, I know! People are convinced he’s a golden retriever but you are all wrong.) Let him sit on a porch and stare off into the sunset. (Unfortunately, he has hip dysplasia.)
Considered “God’s mistake,” he snores and/or uses a sleep apnea machine. If you can put up with his poor lung capacity, he has a stable temperament that comes in handy when you suggest sleeping in separate beds. (Don’t over-exercise!)
Convinced everyone thinks he’s really smart but he’s actually just really annoying. He won’t shut the fuck up but he’s super cute and great in cold weather. Might as well keep him through cuffing season before you put him up for adoption in late February.
Uncomfortable in crowds, particularly parties. A typical introvert, he’d prefer to get lost in a good book. Or chew on the leg of the couch because you asked him to leave the seat down.
Short king who hates people, sounds and things. He’s territorial by nature and likes to think of himself as a tough guy. But he looks great in little outfits!
Many assume a lab boyfriend is the same as a golden retriever boyfriend but that’s an oversimplification. A lab BF is a real family guy but cannot stop eating little treats. Don’t count on sharing an appetizer during dinner dates.
Obsessed with the length of his wiener.