For many people, deciding to have anal sex is a very big, very personal decision akin only to, like, getting bangs. It’s one of those things you think about, maybe even fantasize about, but aren’t really sure what it’ll be like until you sit in that salon chair or spread your ass cheeks. It’s called trust, people! But knowing the best anal sex positions doesn’t hurt either (literally).
You see, much like trying a new hairstyle, having anal sex can be scary—esp if it’s your first time — because, hi, what if you hate it? That’s why sex therapist Melissa Cook, PhD from Sofia Gray and FunWithFeet, says communication and respect are *key* to having a not-so-shitty (heh) experience. “Take time to understand each other’s desires and boundaries, and don’t be afraid to communicate your needs and concerns,” she explains.
The good news is, when done right, anal sex will not only make you seem ~sexually adventurous~ when you’re trading stories over brunch, but it might lead to a top-tier orgasm or two (and yes, FWIW, you’ll totally get bragging rights too). “Physically, penetration via the anus can stimulate nerve endings in the rectum, which can result in pleasurable feelings,” says Dr. Cook. “Anal sex offers another way to physically and emotionally connect while still having fun. Plus, the ‘taboo’ subject can be very exciting.”
Whether you’re an anal sex newbie or you’ve been a fan of #buttstuff since before it was A Thing, here are a few of the best anal sex positions that might just make taking it up the ass your new go-to. Grab some high-quality lube and bend over, y’all!
Oral
I know you might think anal sex = penis/toy going up the ass, but let’s expand our horizons, shall we? In fact, if you’ve never actually embarked on any sort of butt play, starting with oral sex (also called a “rim job”) is a smart move. To eat ass (or have your ass be eaten), it’s all about using the tongue to explore the anal opening. Obvi, you want to make sure everything’s supes clean down there, and then Dr. Cook suggests taking things r-e-a-l slow “to allow yourself to physically and emotionally relax.” Flick your tongue! Swirl it all around! Roll your “r”s! See what makes you/your partner squirm (in a good way).
Missionary
Missionary sex is pretty much the same whether you’re involving the vag or the booty. The receiver lies on their back, and the penetrator enters them from above. “It’s important to use lots of lubrication to boost comfort and pleasure, and by starting slowly, you’ll likely feel more relaxed and comfortable, which will do wonders for overall satisfaction,” Dr Cook stresses. A little foreplay can go a long way here, so try massaging with a tongue/fingers to prep your behind better. Intense eye contact and playing some early ‘00s John Mayer is also highly encouraged.
Doggy Style
ICYMI: doggy style is forever the crème de la crème of deep penetration. The receiver bends over on their hands (or elbows!) and knees — you know, like a dog — and the lubed-up penetrator enters them from behind. Dr. Cook says a little experimenting might be in order here to figure out which angle/depth feels the best, so def keep the lines of communication open between your yelps of pleasure. This one is also great for us pillow princesses because we kind of just lay there face down, ass up, and do the bare minimum while our partner worships our body like the fucking TEMPLE it is. Bless!
Spooning
Yes, spooning is still romantic, even if you’re taking it up the ass! Aww, right? The receiver (little spoon) lies on their side, and the penetrator (big spoon) shimmies behind them. This position is perfect if you’re anxious about how deep things will get since it’s easy for both parties to control the friction and depth. Encourage the big spoon to use their hands to guide your hips or play with your nipples because, yes, multitasking is major here. Oh, and if you’re having a hard time ~getting it in~ Dr. Cook suggests using fingers and toys before penetrating and adding extra lube to ensure everything stays pain-free. Are you starting to see the trend here? Lube = non-negotiable.
Reverse Cowgirl
Looking for even greater stimulation? Dr. Cook says reverse cowgirl is a go-to for anal because it provides a fantastic view and deeeeeeeep penetration. To do it, the penetrator lies on their back, and the receiver sits on top, with their back facing their partner. You might find traditional cowgirl or a squatting, frog-like position more comfortable. “Don’t be afraid to experiment using different positions and depths,” Dr. Cook says. “There is no one right way; what matters is that you find something that feels good.” Yee-haw, bitches.
Anvil
Didyaknow missionary position where the receiver’s legs are on the penetrator’s shoulders is called the “anvil?” Look at us learning! And it turns out, Dr. Cook says, this is one of the best anal positions for those who crave both intense intimacy and deep AF friction. Arguably, it is one of the best forms of missionary in general. You’ll want to have lots of lube at the ready, and ensure you’ve done at least a little light stretching before diving into this one. (Not recommended for those of us who sit at a computer all day (hi, it’s me) without at least a safe word and a few minutes of limbering up.)
Toys! Toys! Toys!
Riding solo but still wanna give your butt the love it so deserves? Respect, mama. That’s why anal toys were invented — so you can get yours without having to deal with a partner! From plugs to dildos to vibrators and beads, there are plenty of options out there that’ll enhance your masturbatory anal experience. Dr. Cook says to just make sure to wash any toys and props before/after use and take your time experimenting with different sensations.
Ultimately, if you love anal sex or not, it’s truly your call. “Whether anal sex feels good for people depends on them as an individual as well as their overall arousal, comfort, and the technique used,” Dr. Cook says. “This is why mutual understanding, respect, and communication should always be prioritized.” That and lube. Lots and lots of lube.
