Picture this: You’re lying in bed, all of your muscles are finally relaxed after a rough morning, and you have your vibrator in hand. And just as you turn it on… the most obnoxiously loud buzzing sound comes from your toy. Now, if you lived alone, this wouldn’t be a problem. But because you have kids in the next room playing, you know you’re .5 seconds away from someone barging in, going, “Mommy, what’s that?”
If this has happened to you, I’m so sorry. While going manual (aka flicking the bean) is definitely an option, vibrators are there for a reason. But is there a reason they have to vibrate so fucking loud? The answer is “absolutely not.” Sex toy technology has come lightyears since the Magic Wand was still considered a “personal massager,” and if there are toys out there that can mimic you being licked down there, I guarantee you there are toys that don’t scream, “Hi! I’m masturbating in here!”
Actually, I can do better than just guaranteeing you. Here’s are the most discreet and quietest vibrators you can use next time you want to masturbate without announcing it to the world.
Bullet Vibrator
Literally as small as a lipstick, the Promescent Bullet Vibrator is ideal for privacy. And with nine vibration patterns and intensities levels, you can be as quiet as you need.
Lelo Lily 3
One of the selling points of Lelo Lily 3 is that even though it’s totally discreet, it’s super powerful—and it has 10 different settings to prove it.
Bellesa AirVibe Pro
This best-seller returned to the market with even stronger vibrations and quieter sounds. The Bellesa AirVibe Pro is incredibly cool because if you’re feeling really lazy, you can just use the remote control to set whatever vibrations you want.
Promescent Rabbit Vibrator
With 12 vibration patterns and intensities, you have the option to go from mild to wild (IYKYK). The Promescent Rabbit Vibrator is actually engineered to be whisper quiet for ~discreet~ enjoyment.
Lelo DOT Travel
Even if you’re just traveling to your bedroom, the Lelo DOT Travel is quiet when you use it. Plus, the funky shape allows you to play around with your erogenous zones and control how much of them you want to stimulate.
Lelo Siri 2
So not only is this vibe quiet AF, but it’s also super fucking cool? The Lelo Siri 2 is sound-activated, so if you want to play music to drown out your own sounds, it’ll vibrate along with the beat.
plusOne Vibrating Bullet
When you’re looking for quiet power, bullet vibrators are the way to go. This plusOne Vibrating Bullet is super affordable, really powerful, and soundless. What else could you want?
SKYN Tremble
The SKYN Tremble is a vibe that’s so small it can literally fit in your purse — and it basically looks like a tube of lipstick so it’s discreet. Speaking of discreet, this thing has 10 powerful settings and all of them are kept at a low volume.
Womanizer Next
Not only does the Womanizer Next use air technology that makes it virtually noiseless, but it also has a feature called “Smart Silence,” which means that it only turns on when it makes contact with your skin and goes into standby mode when you take it off.
Promescent Vibrating Penis Ring
Okay, hear me out! I know this article is dedicated to vibrators but if your partner has a penis, I highly recommend giving the Promescent Vibrating Penis Ring a chance. Not only does it increase erection strength, but the ultra quiet motors allows for buzzing clitoral stimulation without any of the noise. The perfect fit for quickies as a busy mom.
