There are a lot of major firsts in a person’s life, from their first big job to their first real relationship (…to the first time they got fired from said real job and dumped from said real relationship). And while yes, careers and partners are important, the bigger — and dare I say, much more fun to talk about — milestones stem from sex. I don’t know about you, but when my friends tell stories about their careers or the person they’ve been married to for five years, my eyes glaze over. But when it’s about that wild hookup they had in college? I’m all ears, taking notes. And my all-time favorite hookup stories are always ones that involve an extra person. Enter: the not-so-mythical threesome.
Now, ICYMI, threesomes aren’t exactly as taboo as Gossip Girl once made them seem. In fact, lots of people are having them. People who like, have pets and partners and houseplants. And because I think threesomes are our future (six hands and three tongues? Come on, now), I decided to chat with five millennials who’ve been there, done that. In some of the hottest email exchanges of my life, these folks agreed to reveal all the dirty details surrounding getting it on with two people at once. And because these stories are so scandy, we’re keeping the sources anonymous. We don’t want to pull a Dan Humphrey and ruin anyone’s lives because their sexy secrets got spilled to the internet, ya feel?
But don’t worry, you don’t need the real names to understand why threesomes are so scorching. From who was involved to what, exactly, went down, here’s what a ménage à trois is actually like, according to women who’ve managed to check this act off their bucket lists.
How Old Are You?
Person 1: 28
Person 2: 26
Person 3: 31
Person 4: 30
Person 5: 33
And How Old Were You When You Had Your First Threesome?
Person 1: 19
Person 2: 20
Person 3: 25
Person 4: 29
Person 5: 28
Who Was Involved In This Very Special First Threesome?
Person 1: I was “the other woman” in a threesome with my manager from work and his girlfriend.
Person 2: It was with my boyfriend of five years and one of my female friends from college who was willing to experiment.
Person 3: I was the third with my male-female couple friends. We were also all co-workers, oops!
Person 4: My boyfriend and I had been together about a year when we first tried a threesome. We met another man on an app called 3Fun that’s meant for people looking for kink-friendly sexual partners for all different arrangements. (It’s similar to dating apps where you make a profile with your interests and swipe on people.) To be honest, finding a single man looking for a no-strings-attached MFM threesome was much easier than I thought. Finding a single woman who was interested was way harder.
Person 5: I met a Welsh rugby team while traveling solo through Europe. I was staying in the same hotel as them and had a threesome with two teammates who were sharing a room. I had hooked up with one of them the night before.
And Uh, Whose Idea Was It?
Person 1: Lol, probably my manager’s.
Person 2: I think it was mostly thought up between me and the other girl, and my boyfriend was into it.
Person 3: It was the couple’s idea. Not sure which of them, but I have a hunch it was the woman’s.
Person 4: It was always a fantasy for my boyfriend and I, since neither of us had done it before.
Person 5: It kind of came about organically. We were all drunk… When I went to their hotel room, they decided to push the beds together and it just kinda happened.
Did You Do Any Planning/Research Ahead Of Time?
Person 1: Nope.
Person 2: No.
Person 3: None at all.
Person 4: Tons. We researched things we should talk about (before and after), common boundaries, safety tips, etc. We talked to our third person for a while beforehand, and my boyfriend and I came up with a secret safe word in case one of us wanted to stop.
Person 5: No lol. We locked eyes at a bar and the rest is history.
Where Did It All Go Down?
Person 1: HIS PARENTS’ HOUSE.
Person 2: The other girl’s apartment.
Person 3: It started in their apartment pool before we went to their bedroom.
Person 4: My boyfriend and I’s apartment.
Person 5: In their hotel room.
Alright, Now Walk Us Through The Act
Person 1: First, he made us dinner, and then we had a few drinks. I’m pretty sure it was her first time as well, so she and I pretty much just focused on each other. The guy was just kinda… there.
Person 2: I was having a girls’ night with three other friends in college. I was fairly close to my boyfriend’s place, so I walked there afterward. Drunk me had been tossing around the idea of having a threesome with this other girl for a while, so I texted her and she was down. My boyfriend and I then walked to her apartment, and on the way, I set some very loose expectations. It was good at first, but then at some point, I was left out watching my boyfriend have sex with my friend. I don’t fully remember how I got myself back in or how it ended, but he and I walked back to his apartment after. It wasn’t great. Like, at all.
Person 3: We’d had a big summer night out in Austin, the kind you can have at 25 — bar hopping, lots of alcohol, maybe some cocaine — and we wanted to keep partying after the bars closed (imagine). We went back to their apartment pool, and the woman waded over to me and started touching me. They were both telling me I was hot, and we all started making out. We went back up to their apartment and did the deed for what seemed like at least an hour. It’s kind of a blur honestly, but it was never awkward or a tangled mess of limbs. In my head, it went pretty smoothly.
Person 4: Our third came over, and we immediately smoked a blunt to relax. To kick things off we sat on the couch — me in the middle — and they both just started touching me and kissing me. We were all a little nervous at first, but after a few minutes we just kind of vibed together. After a little foreplay, we moved to the bedroom. Without getting into too much detail, we tried a few different positions so everyone was always included. We hung out for a little bit, had a drink, smoked a bit more, and just talked about totally normal stuff. He peaced out before my boyfriend and I went to sleep.
Person 5: We laid down in the two pushed-together beds with me in the middle. The guy I liked from the night before started kissing me while his friend — who was laying behind me — began moving his hands up and down my body. We all stopped at one point and started giggling like, “Wtf is going on?” before we just kind of went with it. None of us had done this before, and I remember them kissing each other once, but the focus was definitely on me and my pleasure.
Did Anything Go Wrong?
Person 1: Not really. The girl left for work, and so my manager and I had sex. It turns out that was a no-no.
Person 2: I felt left out watching my boyfriend have sex with my friend. My self-esteem plummeted.
Person 3: Nah. I thought it was funny the woman took the time to shave in between being in the pool and going to bed because I didn’t mind the hair at all. It was not so funny when the couple broke up later, and I heard the boyfriend thought it was my fault. Like, what did I do?! Sorry your girlfriend liked me better?
Person 4: Our third was a little too rough for me in the beginning. But I mentioned this to my boyfriend, and he asked the third to tone it down, which he immediately respected. Other than that, we did have to take a quick water break at one point, which was kinda strange.
Person 5: The guy I was most interested in (and the one I had been with the night before) ended up not being able to stay hard long enough, so he ended up tapping out and going to bed while his friend and I continued on.
What Was The Best Part?
Person 1: The orgasm. And I kinda felt invincible since it wasn’t MY relationship.
Person 2: The build-up and it getting started, not to mention being with a woman for the first time.
Person 3: When the boyfriend had to leave for work the next morning, the woman was like, “So, wanna try just you and me?” That surprised me, and I like surprises. So we did, and it was hot. That was my first time being with a woman.
Person 4: Once we got over our initial nervousness, we all connected and just kinda vibed. The foreplay started and it was exciting to be with someone new, but also to be sharing the experience with my boyfriend. Plus, we all orgasmed, so that was a major win.
Person 5: Honestly just the fact that this was happening in the first place. I was a virgin until I was 23, and I used to be really selective about my partners. Jumping into something like this was very surreal for me, but also super empowering. I really felt awesome before, during, and after. Tbh I still have a sense of pride and am just awed that it happened.
And The Worst Part?
Person 1: I cannot eat pussy. It’s just not for me.
Person 2: Realizing my relationship was not ready for a threesome. Plus, my boyfriend couldn’t make me orgasm even when it was just the two of us, so I didn’t get off.
Person 3: I was seeing a different guy at the time (non-exclusively), and I stupidly told him about the threesome. He was pissed, which I found extremely boring of him.
Person 4: I felt a little awkward when it was all over. We put our clothes back on and hung out for a little bit, but I just wanted to be close with my boyfriend at that point.
Person 5: There was only one condom. Woof.
What Was The Best Position?
Person 1: I was sitting on the guy’s face, facing the other girl was riding the guy’s *ahem* appendage?
Person 2: I can’t remember!
Person 3: I was on top of the guy, and the woman was behind me feeling me up and watching us have sex. Wait, was that good for everyone or just mostly me?
Person 4: Definitely doggy style.
Person 5: I just like, laid on my back while one guy focused on my top half and the other on my bottom half. Literal goals.
Are You All Still Friends?
Person 1: We’re all married with kids now, but we’re still friends on social media.
Person 2: I broke up with him about a year later, and she and I don’t talk anymore (mostly for another unrelated reason, but the threesome didn’t help).
Person 3: The woman and I stayed friends for quite a while. In fact, after she and the guy broke up, she and I had sex one more time. We weren’t a good fit, but it was never awkward or weird between us after that. In fact, I went to her wedding (to a different guy) years later. They’ve since moved away, but we’re still friendly.
Person 4: No, we lost contact after he moved away.
Person 5: I was never “friends” with them, and I haven’t seen or spoken to them since!
Have You Had Any Other Threesomes Since?
Person 1: I had like, three threesomes total with that same couple. Other than that, it’s only been like, making out or PG-13 touching with other couples.
Person 2: No.
Person 3: Nope! My fiancé and I are theoretically interested in having one with another woman, but we’ve never tried to make it happen. I either get too nervous to approach a woman, or I worry I’ll get jealous, or worse, he’ll get jealous and it’ll become an issue for our relationship.
Person 4: We had two threesomes with the same partner.
Person 5: Nah, once was enough for me.
What Do People Get Wrong About Threesomes?
Person 1: Being like, “I’LL NEVER LET ANOTHER WOMAN TOUCH MY MAN.” You’d be surprised how great it is. Hell, it might even help y’all’s sex life.
Person 2: That it’s just about two girls making out. There are THREE people (hence the name), and clear expectations of what is and is not allowed should be set.
Person 3: That it’s going to be awkward or hard to figure out. I think when you’re confident and secure in yourself, and you clearly communicate, you can have fun without it being weird.
Person 4: That the people having them are some kind of weirdos. We’re totally normal people in a healthy relationship. We’re just very *sexual* normal people who enjoy trying new things and being open.
Person 5: That they’re dirty or gross (which is kind of how I always thought of them). That’s definitely not the case.
Finally, What’s Your Best Threesome Tip?
Person 1: Have a cocktail, watch some videos, and always be the other woman. There’s literally no pressure then.
Person 2: If you are going to do it with your significant other, have a serious and sober conversation about it to make sure you are both ready. Also, I would personally never do it with a friend again.
Person 3: Be the third and then get outta there.
Person 4: Threesomes require major communication and trust. My boyfriend and I talked about our fears, desires, boundaries, expectations, etc. before we ever met with someone else. We also promised each other that if at any point one of us was uncomfortable, we could call it off and support one another. It’s also super important to check in afterward. Talk about what you liked (or didn’t like), if you’d do it again, and how you feel. Finally, make sure to respect your third—they’re a person seeking pleasure too!
Person 5: Stay confident and sure of yourself. You’ve got this.
