My “best friend” Robin* and I have been friends since summer camp. And yes, we are still listed as each other’s sisters on Facebook because we thought that was funny in college when we both pledged the same sorority at different schools. (I would take it down, but I don’t really want to log on to BoomerBook, thx). And okay, when I got engaged, I still considered her a friend. But despite all of our years of friendship and history together, I didn’t want her at my 28-person wedding.
I know what you’re thinking: You’ve been friends for more than 20 years, she definitely should be at your wedding! And I’m sure she thought the exact same thing.
Actually, I know she thought the exact same thing, because I almost let her invite herself to my wedding. Consider me the Ghost of Christmas Past (or Future, IDK, I’m dyslexic) warning you to not make the same mistake I almost did.
We all have that childhood friend who, if we’re being honest, we’ve outgrown like a pair of Soffe shorts with paw prints on the butt that you used to roll up a few times until you could actually see your butt cheeks. They always used to be there for you when you needed a boost of confidence, but now when you reach for them you wonder, am I too old for this shit? (Yes, yes you are.)
Here’s why now after ringing in my second wedding anniversary ISDGAF (I Still Don’t Give A Fuck) about not inviting my “best friend” to my wedding:
✅ We haven’t actually been friends IRL since 1997.
When I was born! JK, I’m a millennial… we’re having our 20-year high school reunions now, have you heard?
Sure, Robin and I have been friends on paper for over two decades, but leading up to my wedding I realized she hasn’t acted like a best friend, or even a friend for the last two years!
When we lived in the same city, a few miles away from each other, any time we had plans she’d always flake on me last minute because she had a better option.
✅ Some friends come into your life for a reason and season, but that’s not a reason to invite them to your wedding season.
Yes, Robin was there for me at my first summer at sleepaway camp, when all my bunk mates made fun of me for being a bigger girl, whose CD collection was exclusively show tunes, and whose only friend was a Tamagotchi (until its battery died, and I was forced to make actual friends).
Enter Robin. She sat next to me at lawn lunch one day when there wasn’t assigned seating to save me the embarrassment of not actually having anyone to sit with. And since then, I’ve always felt indebted to her. Robin was so cool. She was that fun friend who always knew the best parties and hottest guys. But as we got older, that got old and she started to get cruel, which I excused because she was there for me when I needed a friend the most, even though now she was barely there for me.
✅ I always had her back, she never had mine.
Like the time I paid $400 on her birthday dinner where she kept ordering expensive bottles of wine, and then she skipped my birthday dinner a few months later for a Raya date. That’s the problem with childhood friends, some of them never grow TF up.
✅ SHE 👏🏻 INVITED 👏🏻 HER 👏🏻 SELF!
Who does that?! When I told most people my wedding plan (the ceremony at the church I grew up at followed by a dinner at my family’s favorite special occasion restaurant’s private dining room that could only hold 30 people), most understood why we’re keeping it immediate family and accepted that they weren’t invited. But Robin isn’t most people.
When I told Robin about my wedding — during one of the many times she came to my city and never made plans with me unless she was bored and then she would invite me somewhere at the last minute — I noticed she started putting it in her iCal (!) as she convinced me how much I needed her there. Which I started to believe. Until I realized her coming would just add more stress to an already stressful day. I uninvited her over a text message a few days later. She responded with “no worries,” a phrase she picked up when she studied abroad in Australia. But I knew deep down I should be worried. She was offended.
✅ I didn’t have the budget.
Robin is that friend who would come over for lunch and leave three days later. The first thing she does when she walks into your home is raid your fridge and ask you for gas money for her trip to see you. She makes herself at home everywhere she goes and is always the loudest person in the room. I did not need that energy at my wedding! Nor did I want to add Robin’s gas money, hotel room, and bar tab to my modest wedding budget.
✅ TBH, if she had a 28-person wedding, I wouldn’t have made the cut.
The truth is, I was inviting friends. Two local friends and their significant others. My husband was doing the same. We decided this after my mother announced she was inviting two of her friends and their husbands. (Plot Twist: The Bridezilla in this story is my mom!)
The friends I ended up inviting were not expecting an invitation, but were honored I asked them. These were my two true friends who have really been there for me over the last 10 years leading up to this big day. While over the past 10 years, Robin has been, well, kind of bullying me? I’m convinced to this day that a spam account harassing me on Instagram is Robin.
✅ I don’t need another liability, TYSM!
My mother was already acting like it was her day (no surprise here, growing up it was never my birthday, it was always the day she gave birth to me). Because of the pandemic, our wedding would actually be the first time my husband’s kind and mild-mannered family from Indiana was meeting my loud and passionate Italian (pronounced I-Tal-iain by my future in-laws) American family from New York. (LMK if you want the Rom-Com version, working title: Spaghetti Casserole).
The last thing I wanted to do was add another liability to my Small Skinny Italian Wedding. The liability here is Robin, who takes “open bar” as a personal challenge.
So, I’m sure you’re wondering, where do Robin and I stand today? Great question! If she ever reads this article, I’m blocked. But then again, we haven’t really been real friends for years. And we’ve both muted each other on Instagram. So if you’re reading this, and you know who Robin is, please don’t tell her about this article.
Weddings are stressful if you have 208 or 8 guests, pandemic or no pandemic. Don’t make a day that should be a celebration of your love with the people you love even more stressful by having people there you don’t really want to be there. You can’t choose your family or who your family will invite. But you can choose your friends, and which of those friends you invite to your wedding.
Also, weddings are expensive to go to, so your “friends” who didn’t make the cut should actually be thanking you. You’re welcome, Robin!