We Know Who Becca’s ‘Bachelorette’ Stylist Is, & We’re Calling The Police

There’s been a lot of troubling shit that’s happened during this season of The Bachelorette, but nothing has been more horrifying than the clothes Becca has willingly worn on her body. Watching her outfits week after week has made me want to call the police on more than one a occasion, and it got me thinking, where the hell is Becca’s stylist in her time of need? Did ABC cut that budget too along with travel and the background check money?? Well, according to Life & Style Mag, Becca does in fact have a stylist: one Mr. Cary Fetman. Apparently we have him to “thank for [Becca’s] stunning looks” this season. So, this is the man who’s been actively trying to blind me every fucking Monday for the last four weeks? I just have one question for you, Cary: who hurt you?

But, seriously, who is Cary Fetman and why does he want to sabotage Becca and her happiness by dressing her in 2010’s hottest mall clothes? That’s what I’m here to find out. According to his interview with Life & Style Mag, Cary has been a long time stylist for the Bachelor franchise and styled past Bachelorettes/goddesses incarnate JoJo and Rachel. Clearly he has some sense of style because those bitches looked amazing on their seasons. To be fair, JoJo was perhaps the most stylish Bachelorette that ABC has ever had, and if she even breathed near a piece of clothing I immediately bought it and every color it came in. To even THINK that JoJo and Becca were styled by the same human and not one professional stylist and one professional Costco shopper is absurd. But, alas, it’s true. Which brings me to the bigger question here: why does Cary Fetman want to ruin Becca’s life? I have my theories. *stands on soapbox* *clears throat* Here are three theoretical reasons to explain why Bachelor stylist Cary Fetman is out to get Becca.

1. He’s Team Lauren

How anyone could choose a robot life form forged in the underground belly of ABC studios over Becca is beyond me but, like, I’ve been wrong before. That’s right, fellow Bachelor conspiracy theorists, Cary Fetman could actually be Team Lauren. Now typically stylists only come into play for Bachelor contestants when it’s down to the final two women. If you’ll recall, Lauren showed up to her proposal dressed like a goddamn vision, while Becca showed up in one of the most visually offensive garments I’ve ever laid eyes on. While I don’t think anyone could have predicted how spectacularly Arie would fuck up last season, I do think our boy Cary was rooting for Lauren B to either get the proposal or the Bachelorette gig and for Becca to go shave her back. It’s the only explanation for how someone could actually support another person wearing a nude a dress with black overlay on national fucking television in 2018.

He certainly isn’t, Becca!

2. He’s Using Heinous Fashion As A Ploy To Get More Instagram Followers

In an interview with Who What Wear, our boy Cary admitted that he understands social media about as well my dad who just emailed me for instructions on how to share a link on his Facebook page (I paraphrase, but you get the point). Supposedly Chris Harrison held him at gunpoint casually suggested he get on this newfangled thing called “Instagram” during JoJo’s season because he was the last ABC employee to do so and they needed him to step his fucking game up. How embarrassing for him. With Cary being so late to the Instagram game, he had to have some sort of strategy for gaining followers and might have adopted the strategy of bad press is still press, amiright?

Apparently in the past Cary has pushed contestants to “take chances” with their style, even though JoJo word for word said she would be “crucified on social media” for wearing one of his outfit suggestions. CRUCIFIED ON SOCIAL MEDIA. Becca, are you listening to this?? In response to JoJo’s concerns, Cary said this: “So what?… You can’t rule your life by what others are going to say on social media.” Um, excuse me, but are you living in the same broken world as I am, Cary?? Because, yes, you sure fucking can! This is The Bachelorette! These girls are on here to find mediocre fame and a guy who works with their favorite Instagram filter, not to take chances and potentially be skewered anonymously on the internet for it! Yeah, clearly, Cary is not here for the right reasons and is just using the Bachelorettes to promote heinous fashion and foster conversation about his “risk-taking” style. Pass.

3. He’s Trying To Save Becca From Herself

Finally, my favorite theory for why he might be secretly sabotaging Becca’s chances at love through offensive fashion choices: Cary is just trying to do Becca a solid. Hear me out now: Recently it’s come to light that the men on Becca’s season are trash. Like, soon-to-be registered sex offender, homophobic, racist, piles of trash masquerading as decent human beings with posh accents. She’s so lucky! And yet week after week Becca continues to give out roses to these cretins. Maybe Cary wants to help her out in the only way he knows how: by ruining her sex appeal one lace blazer at a time. Honestly, he’s making a valiant effort here. Go big or go home.

And there you have it, people. Cary Fetman: the man, the myth, the life-ruiner. I can’t wait for next Monday’s episode! I’m sure Becca’s date wear will be a literal crime scene. 

Images: Getty Images; Giphy (3)

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