One thing about me: I never need an excuse to give myself a “little treat.” Bad day? I deserve a treat. Good day? Congratulations, here’s a treat. But when the world is falling apart around me, as it often is lately (hahahaha, everything is fine), then it’s time to bring out the heavy hitters. I have an escalation plan in place to keep me from falling apart, including treating myself to everything cute and comforting. (And yes, this is a coping strategy regardless of what my therapist says!!)
For a long time, my “self-care” was spending lots of money and time on the upkeep of my physical appearance, like scheduling a mani-pedi or getting my hair done (or removed rather forcefully). And while I love it when my nails look like they’ve never done a hard day of work in their life, my new version of self-care happens when I’m in gremlin mode. Because when nothing is going well, why the hell should I look like it is? I know, I know, I’m so authentic and likable!
So, here are the different ways I like to pamper myself when everything is definitely not fine and the tools I use to bring me out of the hell hole of existential dread. And if you feel validated by this list, follow Betches’ new IG account @everythings.fine so we can laugh/cry together.
Betches may receive a portion of revenue if you click a link and purchase a product or service. The links are independently placed and do not influence editorial content. Prices are accurate at the time of publication.
Set The Mood
The last thing I want to do when I’m in a bad mood is be seduced (ew, don’t touch me), but I do love crafting an environment suitable for a lover. I’m talking about candles, dim lighting, assorted chocolates — and, my fave vibrator lol.
The New Savant’s DreamGirl Candle
So fucking good! Just order the “big boi” size, trust.
Dame’s Fin
This little finger-extension dude is my bestie when it comes to solo time.
See’s Candies
Don’t make fun of me. These are not old people’s candy!!! It’s just a brand that’s been around a long time because they’re so damn good at what they do.
Slumber Party For One
I love doing all the activities you’d do at a sleepover when I’m sad. That means painting my nails, watching rom coms, using a face mask, and thirsting over my celebrity crush.
Terra Nail Polish
I usually don’t care if something is vegan (sorry, not sorry), but whatever ingredient is in this nail polish means my nails don’t chip immediately and therefore I love it.
TheraFace
Yes, it’s pricey!!! But I swear to god it’s worth it. The way my jaw has finally unclenched since I started using this tool — take all my money!
Saludi Coupes
Whether it’s a sleepy girl mocktail or a full blown cocktail, I’m not making my bad mood worse by drinking out of a lame-ass cup. I want fun glassware, the more colorful the better! Also, Saludi is a small business so you get to pat yourself on the back while drinking.
Fresh Air Is For Losers
Fuck long walks for your mental health. I’m not getting off my goddamn couch when I have a bad day. Wait, that’s a little extreme. I’m willing to go outside if, and only if, the weather is so beautiful I could cry. Then I will brave the outside world for a solo picnic with a cute journal where I can write about how everyone sucks and I’m a perfect angel who deserves better.
Loungewear
I love cute sweatpants that you can wear at home or on a stupid mental health walk. Give me range!
Picnic In A Backpack
It has a wine bottle holder! Enough said.
Windmill Air Circulator and Fan
When I’m dead serious about not getting fresh air this cutie keeps me cool at home. Mine is pink because I’m a girl’s girl.
