Time For Some Karma: Weekly Horoscopes May 4-8

This week is all about karma and destiny as the Moon’s North node shifts into Gemini, and its South Node slips into Sagittarius, ruler of all things karmic. This week’s astrology is perfect for growth and expansion of the self, pushing us all to go further and achieve more in different aspects of our lives. So basically, this week has Cardi B energy. And who the f*ck doesn’t need a little of that right now?


The world is buying what you’re selling this week, Aries, as you’re able to harness the gift of gab to get whatever the f it is you want. You’re able to convince anyone of anything (even that you’re “getting a lot done” in quar), so the only question that remains is whether you’ll use your powers for good or evil. Decisions, decisions…


You’re getting creative with your finances this week, Taurus, and tbh what better time than the present? The state of the global economy means that now is the perfect time to rethink your ten-year plan, and start looking outside the box when it comes to your financial future. Jobs, investments, and opportunities you’ve written off in the past might look different now after two months of quarantine. And just to be clear, I’m not talking about the men on IG who DM you saying they need a sugar baby… or am I?


You’ll likely find yourself stepping into a leadership role this week, Gemini, and lucky for you it’s a role you were literally born to play. Lean into whatever the world throws your way with confidence, and you will surely reap the rewards. Even if that just means everyone hearing a client sing your praises at the morning Zoom meeting.


This week is all about karma, Cancer, and you’re going to be bringing some good karma your way by giving back. You’re feeling the desire to be of service in some way, whether it be by taking an elderly neighbor some groceries, or volunteering to handle your one roommate’s weekly coronavirus meltdown so the other can get some sleep. Large or small, giving back is what will help you feel fulfilled this week. And as an added bonus, we all know that sh*t will come back to you tenfold.


Someone wants Leo to take the spotlight? No need to ask twice. This week you’ll have multiple opportunities to take charge and be a leader. And I’m not talking about in a “silent mastermind” or “woman behind the man” (yuck) kind of way. I’m talking about in a “Miranda Priestly Face of The Company/Evil Mastermind” kind of way. Plan your outfits accordingly.


Now is not the time to be humble, Virgo, so set that modesty aside for a sec. This week, an opportunity to advocate for yourself will come up in a big way, and you don’t want to let it pass just because you were afraid of stepping on someone else’s toes. Not saying you need to start sabotaging any coworker who might be up for the same promotion as you, but it never hurts to remind the boss just why you’re such a valuable member of the team (and why Meghan from Accounts Payable sucks ass).


What is the meaning of quarantine? This week you’re trying to find out, Libra, as cosmic shifts put you into a philosophical mood. You may find yourself more open to new ideas and a greater willingness to question your routines. Like why exactly do you always watch Love Island and *then* Too Hot To Handle? Why not switch it up?


Long term efforts will come to fruition this week, Scorpio. Now the only question left is what to do next. But don’t forget to celebrate your accomplishments before moving onto your next fitness challenge/Pinterest project/juice cleanse. Your body deserves a carb every now and again.


An important partnership is going to become your focus the next few weeks, Sagittarius, so get ready for dynamic duo mode. This could come in the form of off-hours Zoom chats with a coworker you’ve been missing, or simply developing a greater appreciation for your roommate’s eccentric cleaning habits. Dishes under the couch cushion, eh? Interesting…


Your body and mind have been feeling completely out of whack lately, and literally no one can blame you. Luckily, this week will bring some focus and renewed energy to your health and wellness routines, helping you get back on track. Now is the perfect time to pick one healthy thing to incorporate into your routine. And we mean one. Nobody is going to run a 5k, cut sugar, increase their step average, and start drinking enough water all within a single work week.


This week you’ll be wanting to strut your stuff, which is a little tough with nowhere to go. Don’t be surprised if you see an increase in your selfie output, or if you succumb to the latest TikTok dance (mostly as an excuse to show off your cute new loungewear). Let loose and let yourself have a little fun. There’s no way you’ll ever be the most embarrassing person on TikTok. Not while influencers exist.


Whether you’re years away from your dream home or living in it now, this week you’re looking to create your oasis. This can mean a full scale HGTV style redo or your living room, or something as simple as buying a chic new bedspread that says “this is my office now.” Whatever route you decide, at least one night of putting things in your cart from the Container Store’s website and then never proceeding to checkout is in your future.

Images: Xan Griffin / Unsplash; Giphy (12)

Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.