So many things go through my head when I’m leaving a date with someone I just know I never want to see again. First is immediate relief that it’s over. But then, pretty soon after, a different anxiety kicks in: I realize I have to let them down.
Now, when I was younger, I had absolutely no problem ghosting someone after realizing we weren’t compatible. But now that I’m older and have a fully developed frontal lobe, I know that that was a totally asshole-ish thing to do. And as deeply uncomfortable as rejecting someone feels, I know that it’s the right thing to do — I just needed a surefire way to do it so that there are no questions asked.
If you’re trying to be a better person in the New Year, let’s agree to leave ghosting behind (unless, you know, they really deserve it) and learn to say things with our whole chest. Here are some ways to let someone down without blocking their number and hoping you just never run into them again.
If You Want To Be A Mature Grown Up
The Classic Polite Decline
“Hi [Name], I really enjoyed meeting you, but I didn’t feel the connection I’m looking for. If you’ve seen The Notebook, you’ll understand. Wishing you the best out there!”
The ‘It’s Not You, It’s Me’ Remix
“Hey, I think you’re great, but I’m realizing I’m not in the right headspace for dating right now. Well, dating you specifically. Best of luck to you!”
The Honest Truth
“Hi [Name], thanks for a nice time, but I don’t think we’re a match. Actually, I know we’re not a match. I hope you find what you’re looking for!”
The Closure Queen
“Hey, I don’t want to leave things hanging. I didn’t feel a romantic spark, but I think you’re awesome, and I hope you meet someone amazing! But just to be clear, that won’t be me.”
The Friend Zone Special
“Hi [Name], I had fun, but I see us more as friends. But I don’t want to be friends either. Hope that’s cool!”
If You Want To Be Playful But Direct
The ‘Job Interview’ Analogy
“Hey, I enjoyed our date, and I’m very impressed with your background. However, I’ve decided to go in a different direction. Thank you for your time and effort.”
The Flattery Cushion
“You’re super funny and kind, but I’m not feeling a romantic connection. I know someone else will see how great you are! In fact, I could send you a few numbers right now.”
The Taylor Swift Lyric
“You’re lovely, but I’ve got to be honest: this is me trying to let you down gently. Wishing you the best!”
The Fake Travel Excuse
“Hey, I’m moving to Antarctica next week to pursue my lifelong dream of studying penguins. It’s been real!”
The “I’m In My Villain Era” Card
“Hi [Name], I’m focusing on myself right now… like, really leaning into my villain era and don’t want you to be collateral damage. Best of luck!”
If You Want To Leave Them So Confused, They Never Contact You Again
The Horoscope Cop-Out
“Hey, I checked our birth charts, and Mercury retrograde just isn’t vibing with our compatibility. Sorry, but I know you wouldn’t want to upset the universe either.”
The Ghostbusters Reference
“Who you gonna call? Not me. I don’t think we’re a match, but good luck out there!”
The Reality Show Exit
“Hi [Name], I’ve had an amazing journey, but I’m eliminating myself from this process. Thank you for the memories!”
The Dramatic Plot Twist
“Hey, [Name]. Turns out I’m the heir to a secret fortune, and I have to leave town immediately. Best wishes!”
The Overly Specific Critique
“Hi [Name], I had a nice time, but I just can’t stop thinking about how you pronounced ‘gif’ with a hard ‘G.’ I don’t think this is going to work.”
