For people who are unfortunately attracted to men, there’s typically a “type” that exists in their head. Everyone has preferences. Some like a rugged man who exerts ~alpha male energy,~ others are looking for a sensitive, soft spoken man (like Hollywood’s number one babygirl Jacob Elordi).
Personally: I like a feminine man.
Now when I talk about liking “feminine” men, I mean a man who puts an emphasis on hygiene and the way he dresses and may be a bit of an Instagram slut. Researchers on gender performance might have a different idea. A recent study found that men with “feminine traits” (I’ll unpack that later) have a better chance at successful, longterm relationships. And if you’d rather listen to TikTok theorists over academics, anecdotal evidence proves this too.
If you’ve seen the trend of women sharing videos of their “fruity” boyfriends who worship and adore them, then you know what I’m talking about. You know, the trending sound on TikTok where someone says: “I love when beautiful girls have a little gay boyfriend. They just have a little feminine, vintage Levi-wearing, tote bag-carrying, mustached little boyfriend. He’s covered in the most random tattoos you’ve ever seen. His co-workers are shocked when he has this beautiful, stunning, amazing girlfriend, and they’re like, ‘Is she your cousin?’ And he’s like, ‘No, I make sweet, sweet love to her, and I worship her,’ and I think that’s really beautiful. I love those couples.”
Usually it’s women playing the sound over a video of their boyfriend who, more often than not, is *surprise, surprise* carrying a tote bag. But it’s not just the accessories that these men are showcasing. They’re being highlighted as great listeners, attentive to their partners, and just overall really caring boyfriends. So, throw all the bullshit about “alpha males” out the window, and let’s break down this new dating trend.
Why Are “Feminine Men” More Successful In Relationships With Women?
A study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that “slightly feminine” men are more attractive to women for longterm relationships while still being desirable for short-term flings. But why?
Traits like warmth, nurturance, and “self-perceived femininity” were linked to better paternal qualities, making these men appealing as long-term partners (hello, husband material!) while still finding them hot for short-term fun. So, it’s less about their aesthetic (that cute tote bag) and more about giving off “amazing dad vibes.” And also, if you’re getting with a guy, why wouldn’t you want them to be kind and sensitive?
If you’re like me, you’re rolling your eyes a bit at the thought that traits like “warm” and “nurturing” are considered feminine traits, but you can blame it on some very deeply-rooted social constructs. Society has always pushed the idea that women are the primary caregivers, full of empathy and gentleness, while men are supposed to be all tough and competitive. These old-school gender roles have made us label certain traits as either masculine or feminine.
But let’s be real, warmth and nurturing are just awesome human qualities, not tied to any gender. Men, women, and nonbinary people can all exhibit these qualities. This study shows that when men embrace their softer side (and turn away from Andrew Tate), it really plays in their favor and makes them super appealing.
There’s a lot more discourse to be had, especially since cishet men often get praised for traits that women, gay men, and nonbinary folks often get criticized for. Still, the main takeaway? If you’re looking to hook up with a man (for the night or for life), make sure he has the same loving, nurturing qualities as you do.
