I'm A Mouse, Duh: Weekend Horoscopes For October 26-28

The sun sextiles Saturn this weekend, which is, unfortunately, putting a big fat emphasis on all the responsibilities you’ve been blowing off while figuring out your Halloween plans. Get as much done as possible on Saturday before heading out, so your hangxiety isn’t off the charts on Sunday morning. Trust me, when the moon enters Cancer on Sunday night, you’ll want to take advantage of that sentimental homebody energy by laying on the couch and watching Halloweentown, instead of curling up in the fetal position reading all of the horrifying drunk texts you sent the night before.


Halloween celebrations are usually the perfect time for you to show off your confidence, Aries, but for some reason, you’re feeling a little low this year. Don’t waste time doubting yourself. Besides, the sketchy website you bought your kind-of-risky costume from doesn’t do refunds, so there’s really no turning back now. I mean, everyone knows you look good, so maybe don’t fish for too many compliments. 


Are you part of a group or couple Halloween costume this year? If for some reason, you’re feeling like you’re stuck with the sh*t end of the stick, it’s time to come out of your comfort zone and tell everyone what you really think. Everyone knows Gretchen is the least exciting Plastics costume, so if there’s still time for you to make the case for why you should be a Regina, you should totally let everyone know.


Don’t be surprised if you wake up to a few texts from unknown numbers on Sunday asking what time you want to meet for brunch. You’re about to be that girl in the bathroom complimenting a stranger’s costume makeup that you recognize from a James Charles tutorial. Making new friends is fine, I guess, but remember to follow through on your promises if you plan on actually keeping your new crew around.


Scorpio season is a really creative time for you, so take full advantage and make this Halloweekend your b*tch. Whether you’re pulling off the most unique costume or pulling in triple-digit likes with a hilarious Instagram caption, this weekend’s looking like a full send for you.


Your mind is kind of in a weird place this weekend, Leo. You’ll find it difficult to really give anyone your full attention. So when someone’s explaining their super-niche costume or the rules of an unnecessarily complicated drinking game, try to at least look like you’re listening. Luckily, this is a good weekend for people to be too distracted to really be offended by that type of thing.


This weekend, please remember that when Bad Bunny rapped “I spend in the club, what you have in the bank,” he was throwing down a verse on a Cardi B song and not actually trying to give anyone financial advice. It may seem obvious, but when you check your bank account on Sunday morning, you’re probably going to wonder who the f*ck inspired you to act so bougie.


Don’t be surprised if you finish this weekend with a search history filled with Whole 30 recipes and questions about the Keto diet. If you’ve been treating your body like sh*t recently, you’ll really start to feel it soon. I mean, it’s going to be 0% fun to start a new lifestyle before you properly celebrate Halloween, so maybe just treat this weekend like your last hurrah for a while?


Wear a comfortable shoe this weekend, because you’re about to spend the next few days jumping to conclusions. You’re basically a walking billboard for all of the reasons people refuse to date Scorpios. Sorry, but it’s true. Your birthday month is the perfect time to make everything about you, but in a “we’re going to dinner Friday, drinks Saturday and brunch Sunday,” kind of way. Not a Blac Chyna “ARE YOU STILL TEXTIN’ B*TCHES?” way. Feel me?


You know when people say that they’re just having sooo much fun dating at the moment, but nobody believes them because dating is the worst? Well like, that’s actually you right now. You’re actually having a really fun time casually hanging out without the stress of what the future holds. That obviously will make for an amazing Halloweekend. Maybe you’ll end up with a story about a really great hookup you’ll have while dressed as like, Ruther Bader Ginsburg.


You are serving major HBIC vibes all weekend. On Friday and Saturday, you’ll take the reigns of the group chat, decide on a pregame spot, and find the perfect bar. Just like, try not to shout orders. On Sunday, you’ll probably feel like you still have a lot of sh*t to catch up on, which maybe you should have spent some time on earlier in the weekend before exerting all of your energy bossing around your friends.


You’ve kind of been a ball of stress for a while now, and you’re itching to get into a little trouble to temporarily stop the worrying about whatever has you feeling tense. You’re most likely just blowing things out of proportion, but if you really need an excuse to take a million fake blood jello shots this weekend, just screenshot this and save it as your golden ticket to the blackout factory.


This weekend is going to have to be a bit about compromising. Did you promise your roommate you’d go to brunch with her, even though you’re really broke and would rather stay in and binge the new season of Making a Murderer? Maybe just do it, enjoy some bottomless bellinis, and try to cut back on your seasonal coffee orders in the upcoming week.

Images: Aral Tasher/Unsplash; Giphy (6)

Hannah Chambers
Hannah Chambers
Hannah Chambers is one of those people whose entire personality consists of Real Housewives references, taking pictures of her dog, and drinking out of an obnoxiously large water bottle. You can find her work in Cosmopolitan, Bustle,, and more. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @hanchambers