Get Your Head In The Game: Weekend Horoscopes August 28-30

Hey guys, it’s almost September. Know what that means? It means we’ll officially have only four more months of this absolute travesty of a year. My god, how will 2020 end? I hope the writers from Game of Thrones are around, cause I could sure go for a bit more disappointment to keep things interesting.

Anyway, it’s Virgo season, so who knows what sort of super fun, wacky adventures lie ahead for us all this weekend?! Let’s dive in.


Fun is the ultimate F word this weekend, Virgo, and you’re here for it. The moon and some planets are lowkey trying to make sure you have a seriously amazing Saturday and Sunday, so fill your calendar with all the sh*t you really enjoy. Go for a jog, hike to a waterfall, do your hair and wear mascara just to go to Target. Don’t think too hard about it—just go with the good times and you’ll feel ready to eaaaaase into Monday.


Keep it close to home this weekend, Libra. It isn’t a punishment—rather, it’s a good weekend to just embrace being home and tidying your nest. Buy a candle, break out a new cozy blanket for the couch, or just wash all the dishes you have in the sink. It’ll make you feel fuzzy and nice. Passion is also on the docket for Sunday, so make sure you do enough laundry so you have some exciting underwear on hand for an interesting evening with your mate.


Get ready to work through the weekend, Scorpio. We don’t mean you’ll be begrudgingly tackling work projects all day Saturday and Sunday, though. Rather, you’ll be struck with tons of baller ideas and brainstorming sessions. Just be sure to give yourself time to shut your brain off, too, with, like, lots of wine spritzers and some socially-distanced friend time.


Keep your mind on your money, Sagittarius. We know things got a lil rocky there for a minute, what with all your stupid necessary purchases made while in quarantine. But if you hunker down now, stick to your budget, and stop blowing your paychecks on that dress you need (you don’t) or that pizza you won’t regret (you will), the universe will reward you with something. Maybe it’ll be a 75% off sale at Madewell, idk.


Get your life together, Capricorn. Jk, but seriously, if you feel like you’re sort of in renovation mode (cutting people out, rebuilding your image, etc.), it’s totally normal. Use the weekend to relax and redirect your efforts as needed. Like, instead of stalking toxic people on Insta, read a book or cook something elaborate. Use Sunday, especially, for some you time, such as spoiling yourself with friend time, wine, and Selling Sunset (we don’t care that it’s fake!).


Your gut is telling you some weird sh*t via daydreams and actual dreams this weekend, Aquarius. It’s a good opportunity to actually listen and pay attention. Maybe that recurring nightmare where you’re an octomom/throwing hot dogs at strangers/giving a presentation while wearing dominatrix attire could have a deeper meaning? Or maybe you just need to take some melatonin and chug chamomile tea so you can sleep easier?


Focus on your ambition and need to connect with like-minded folks, Pisces. We know that networking honestly kind of sucks, but there’s no harm in working to form friendships with other career-focused betches. Use Saturday to finally grab a beer with that co-worker you don’t totally hate. Then, resolve to make a plan for the week ahead so you have a jumpstart on work come Monday. Everyone will be like, so impressed with you.


You’ll feel pulled every which way this weekend, Aries. Try to find a balance on Saturday and clean up your filthy room, do the dishes, and get to the laundry. After, you need to sit back and relax, read a book, and take some time for yourself. If you don’t leave the house, it’s totally fine. On Sunday, call up your favs and head out for wine or brews. It’ll be the relief you need before the upcoming week.


Ugh, life questions are going to be swirling in your head all weekend, Taurus. Are you meant to be in this relationship? Do you have enough saved for the down payment on that house? Are you happy in your job? Is Taco Bell considered a balanced breakfast? While all that sh*t is tearing your brain apart, try to keep your bod occupied by taking a walk or just sitting on a patio and drinking.


The moon is pushing you to connect with family this weekend, Gemini. It may be hard because it’s still #CovidTimes (yes, rly), but try to at least call your mom or get together with a sibling on Saturday. Just be careful with your money. The planets are going to be peer-pressuring you to spend it, but you need to shove that sh*t into your rainy day fund.


Get your head in the f*cking game, Cancer, especially when it comes to relationships. You may find yourself questioning everything this weekend, so beware of arguments that could cause rash decisions. If you’re single, take the time to examine what you really want in a partner. Maybe it’s high time you take a break from dating and just enjoy being on your own, too. It isn’t that bad—especially during a pandemic when dating is over Zoom.


You’re exhausted, Leo, and you need to take a f*cking break. You’ve been bending over backwards working lately, and while that may feel like a noble pursuit in the moment, have you ever heard anyone on their death bed saying they wished they worked more? Exactly. Turn off the computer, stay away from your emails, and do something that brings you extreme joy, like binge watching home reno shows while yelling about hardwoods hidden under carpeting.

Images: Giphy (12)

Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki aka Betchy Crocker writes about food, fashion, and whatever else she's in the mood to complain about for Betches and like, some other people. She resides in Asheville, NC, where she spends her time judging hipsters and holding on to her Jersey heritage and superiority. Yell at her on Instagram @sarahnowicholson