My first experience with PDA was in high school when Jared and Emily would make out between classes before getting yelled at. “Get a room!” I would think as I existed without a boyfriend for four years. These days, witnessing PDA is usually in the form of two drunk strangers making out at a bar.
Celebrities, of course, take things one step further. The most nightmare-inducing PDA can happen with no physical contact at all. Case in point, Tom Cruise jumping up and down on Oprah’s couch shouting, “I’m in love with Katie Holmes.” Literal jail. This was bad in the moment, and now, it’s… well… still excruciating. Or, Justin Bieber saying pretty much anything about Hailey. We all assume two hot people like having sex with each other, no need to spell it out in every interview.
Moving down the PDA scale to genuinely cute moments that remind you of your singleness. Rachel McAdams reenacting the kiss from The Notebook with Ryan Gosling at the MTV Movie Awards happened in 2005, and it still lives in my head rent free. Also, Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban are not gross — THEY ARE IN LOVE. I see you rolling your eyes through your screen, rude! Mom and dad forever, I don’t care what you all say.
Now for worst offenders. These include some truly terrible acts that may or may not have been the cause of COVID spreading so far and wide (legal note: I am not a doctor). For reasons beyond my comprehension, touching tongues has become a cool new kissing style among celebrities.
It’s a favorite PDA move of Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker, Cardi B and Offset, Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly — and I feel upset that I can think of this many tongue kisses off the top of my head.
Below are a list of celebrity PDA moments that might physically hurt your eyeballs. Good luck and god speed.
Mary-Kate Olsen and Olivier Sarkozy
If disassociation was a person.
Adrien Brody and Halle Berry
Years later, Halle accurately captured all of our thoughts about this kiss by saying, “What the fuck is going on right now?”
John Travolta and Scarlett Johansson
This moment is giving creepy uncle in the receiving line at your wedding.
Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker
make. it. stop.
Madonna and Drake
Madonna aggressively kissed Drake who then aggressively wiped his nose and mouth. This needs to further explanation as to why it’s on this lsit.
Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly
I deeply hate every single thing about this. WHY is his tongue black.
Meghan Trainor and Charlie Puth
Charlie Puth called Meghan Trainer his “best friend” (!) after this kiss. If you’re doing this with your best friend, you might be doing the “friendship” thing wrong.
Angelina Jolie and James Haven
I don’t come from a “kiss on the lips family,” but I can’t imagine this type of kiss between a brother and a sister is normal in any realm or multiverse.
Camila Cabello and Shawn Mendes
This was their response to fans saying they kiss like “fish.” I’m not sure what they were going for, but I think I’m entitled to financial compensation.
Helen Mirren and Taylor Hackford
The only way he would ever be able to upstage his Oscar-winning wife was with this, erhm, act of passion.
Shane Warne and Elizabeth Hurley
One word: Ow.
Lena Dunham and Brad Pitt
This happened in 2019, and I still have no words. Lena has since said she wasn’t trying to kiss Brad, but the optics of it would make me never leave the house again.
Timothée Chalamet and Lily-Rose Depp
I almost feel bad including this because Timothée said these photos were extremely embarrassing and that he looked “pale.” We stan a self-aware king!
Cardi B and Offset
Of all the tongue kisses in all the world, Cardi B and Offset earned a place on this list thanks to the sheer distance their tongues had to go for this moment.