As we all know by now, Kourtney Kardashian is dating Travis Barker, and on Wednesday, various tabloids reported that the Poosh founder and Blink-182 drummer got engaged over the weekend in Las Vegas. It’s the kind of shocking news that feels so wild it could actually be true, but I’m unconvinced.
In this case, the “evidence” of the engagement boils down to a couple of vaguely suggestive Instagram captions from Travis’ daughter and a hairstylist. I’m not saying Kourtney and Travis are definitely not engaged, but there’s a lot of guessing going on here. But whether or not the engagement turns out to be real, it’s clear that Kourtney and Travis are very into each other, given the fact that they’ve plastered their PDA all over social media.
While you’re still only putting your man on close friends stories after six months, Kourt has taken the opposite approach, reminding the world on a weekly basis that she and Travis are extremely horny for each other. And good for them! Contrary to what Sex/Life would have you believe, Kourtney seems to be living proof that being a mother with a sex drive won’t ruin your life. I’m happy for them, I really am, but it kind of feels like… a lot. I love love, but you know what I love even more? Two adults who can keep it in their pants for an evening in public.
Now that these two lovebirds may be headed down the aisle at some point, let’s take a little walk down the brief memory lane of their relationship. And by that, I mean let’s rank their posts from least to most egregious PDA.
6. The Risky Hand Placement
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This post kind of gives me grunge Bonnie and Clyde vibes, which is a great aesthetic for Travis and Kourt (minus the fact that Bonnie and Clyde got killed in a police ambush, but I digress). Travis’ hand positioning in each picture really feels like he wants to rip her clothes off, but thankfully for us, they stay within Instagram’s guidelines.
5. The Lap Sit
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Sitting in someone’s lap isn’t inherently suggestive — though mall Santas have always creeped me out — but Travis and Kourtney sort of took things to the next level here. Kourtney’s skirt/shorts/whatever have fully ridden up her thighs, and she’s holding Travis’ hand riiiiiight above her crotch. The first pic gives you the idea, but later in the carousel we actually get a closeup of the aforementioned crotch. Why was this necessary?
4. The Tat Shot
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Giving someone a tattoo may not officially count as PDA, but it’s certainly an intimate activity, and it shows a lot of trust given Kourtney isn’t remotely qualified to be doing this. Has the Health Department seen this?? The final product, a simple “i love you” scrawled over another existing tattoo, actually looks pretty good (not that I’m an expert). But this isn’t their only tattoo bond. Just a couple weeks later, Travis revealed that he got Kourtney’s name tattooed over his heart. I don’t need to remind Travis Barker that tattoos are permanent, but this just feels like too much for someone you’ve been dating for approximately seven months.
3. The Birthday Post
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Back in April, Travis marked Kourtney’s birthday with, what else, a photo of them making out. This isn’t revolutionary, but my main question here is about the body positions. Travis is sitting on the couch, but he’s holding Kourtney up in his arms. Why can’t she just sit on the couch while they make out? Idk, seems uncomfortable to me.
2. The Ass Carry (Clothed)
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This pose is reminiscent of every woman arriving to a date on The Bachelor when she hasn’t seen the lead in 18 hours. We don’t know for sure if Kourtney did the infamous Bachelor run-and-jump, but I’d like to imagine it that way. Travis’ forearms cupping Kourtney’s butt is a lot to take in, but I’m most curious about the recording studio setting here. Was Travis previewing a new song for Kourtney? Is Kourt dabbling in music? Did they have sex on the studio couch à la Insecure season one? I’d like more context, but I’m also grossed out, so I’m good without it tbh.
1. The Ass Carry (Less Clothed)
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When I first saw this picture, I felt like I got the wind knocked out of me. The ass carry thing is enough to handle on its own, but Kourtney’s swimsuit is so tiny that I feel like Mark Zuckerberg is going to take this down at any moment. Also, it looks like they’re in the middle of the desert, so why is Kourtney wearing a bikini? Is there a body of water nearby? And who is taking this picture? I have many questions, but they can all be boiled down to “why?”
Images: Jeff Bottari/Zuffa LLC via Getty Images; kourtneydardash (4), travisbarker (2) / Instagram
The Kardashians have been getting praised for doing the bare minimum for years, what with the rampant appropriation and the dry, overpriced lip kits that net them billion-dollar companies and the reality show that hasn’t been interesting in years and the… no you’re right I’ll stop, otherwise we’ll be here for hours. And now you can add body positivity to that list, as they *might* finally be not quite jumping on it, but carefully hovering one toe over the bandwagon, with Kourtney Kardashian posting an un-retouched butt selfie.
I know, alert the media.
Well, somebody (and I think we all know who) did alert the media —or, at least, PEOPLE magazine — which published an article entitled, “Fans Praise Kourtney Kardashian for Sharing an ‘Unedited’ Thong Bikini Photo: ‘Way to Empower”. It states, “Since is no stranger to posting butt-baring bikini pics, her eagle-eyed followers soon noticed that the photo appeared to show her backside exactly as it is, with no airbrushing involved.”
I’m not sure it takes an eagle eye to notice when someone’s skin hasn’t been blurred into oblivion, although I will say the “imperfections” here are quite subtle, so I’ll give it to them. The article then included a smattering of positive comments, such as, “Way to empower the natural women body!! Love this 🙌❤️,” and “I love that the little dimples were kept! It’s so natural and so beautiful 😍.”
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Sorry, my eyes rolled back in my head so hard they got stuck and I couldn’t type coherently for a minute there.
I mean, look, is it good that Kourtney didn’t take the opportunity to Facetune her butt, as surely many people on Instagram (and her own family) do? Are there a few (barely) visible ripples in the skin of her butt cheeks? Yes and yes. But excuse me if I’m not going to take this opportunity to praise the Kardashians, a family who basically feeds off an exclusive diet of controversy and rumored butt implants, for posting a “natural” photo. They have long been accused of warped photo editing, secretive cosmetic surgery, and generally feeding into and perpetuating unrealistic and toxic beauty standards, and fans have been begging for them to get real for years. And the best you could do is not airbrushing your butt? Also, not to get too in the weeds here, but if there is one body part that the Kardashians are known for, it’s their butts. (Say butt again.) Should anyone in that family really be getting a cookie for showing off one of their best features? Progress is progress, sure, but on the road to body positivity, this is one small step made by an inchworm with a bad leg.
And why was Kourtney posting an unedited pic anyway? Notably, the photo was posted not to Kourtney Kardashian’s Instagram, but to Poosh’s Instagram, which has a fraction of her personal following. (She posted a different butt picture to her personal Instagram that is conveniently devoid of dimples.) The caption accompanying this brave photo? “Talk about an instant butt lift. We tapped Kourt’s trainer @jesseohara for her top at-home pilates moves for a rounder rear. Link in bio for her tips.”
Despite what the glowing write-ups are implying, the photo was not intended to be a celebration of Kourtney’s natural body—or anyone’s, for that matter. Rather, it’s a promotion for an “at-home Pilates moves for a rounder butt” article on Poosh. And while advertising a Pilates-induced “instant butt lift” is not on the same level as promoting appetite suppressant lollipops or flat tummy tea or a cosmetic butt lift, promoting the idea of instant results from a whopping total of seven Pilates moves smacks of the same scamminess. It still boils down to “change your body quick by doing this thing I’m promoting”.
On the one hand, every celebrity posting their cellulite can give everyday people the confidence to embrace their own, or at least to not be bothered by it. But on the other hand, context is key, and posting this with the intent of driving readers to a butt workout is really just shifting those insecurities to a slightly different focus. Like, you don’t need to have a smooth ass, but you need to have a round one. Is that really doing anyone any good?
I get that for this Photoshopped cyborg family, releasing an unedited photo might be groundbreaking, but if that’s supposed to mean something for the rest of us, then the bar really is underground. This post doesn’t help anyone other than maybe Kourtney promote body acceptance or build confidence or acceptance of their own bodies — it’s still telling you how you can “improve” a part of your body (according to standards perpetuated by this very family).
To be clear, Kourtney herself is not the one putting forth the narrative that this is a groundbreaking move — that’s all the media, who are also linking it to Khloé’s infamous leaked, unedited bikini pic gaffe with headlines such as “Kourtney Kardashian Proudly Shows Off Cellulite After Khloe Kardashian’s Deleted Photo Controversy” and “Kourtney Kardashian’s Unedited Thong Photo Is Everything Khloé’s Critics Wish She Would Post”. But is that all we want them to post? Unedited photos? Unedited pictures are the first step—a step that celebrities have already been taking. The Kardashians are so late to the game it’s not even funny. One article gushes that the picture “shows off her fitness level while still giving us an unfiltered view of what a woman’s body looks like”. This is only “unfiltered” if you are taking an extremely literal and narrow definition of the word — yeah, there may or may not be a filter on this, but that’s about as relatable as it gets. Most women don’t have access to famous personal trainers. Most women don’t look like this!! It’s correct that we get an “unfiltered” look at what “a woman’s body” looks like—a woman. This one.
Call me radical, but we can — and should — wish for more than unedited thong photos. By celebrating this as some huge win, it just reinforces that the Kardashians can continue to be applauded for failing to do anything to actually move the needle.
Images: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for Dior Men; poosh / Instagram
It’s been a bizarre year for everyone, and spending nearly a year socially distanced and largely stuck inside has challenged us to get creative with the relationships in our lives. From Zoom events to outdoor dining in the dead of winter, tradition has gone out the window when it comes to keeping friendships alive, and especially when it comes to navigating the world of dating.
Luckily, our dating app Ship has made it easier than ever to stay connected in these now-precedented times, with its one-of-a-kind features designed to bring your friends into your search for love (or whatever you’re looking for, no pressure). Why spend your evenings on boring group FaceTimes when you could be matching for yourself and others at the same time? Because it’s been such an unexpected year for friendships everywhere, we rounded up a list of some unexpected celebrity BFFs that should definitely give Ship a try.
Bette Midler & 50 Cent
At this point, we all know about Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg’s iconic friendship, but they’re not the only woman of a certain age/rapper pairing who get along surprisingly well. 50 and Bette met because they both work with the New York Restoration Project, an organization dedicated to improving parks and public spaces around New York City. Bette has gushed about her friendship with 50, and thanked him in a NYRP speech, saying he’s been there for her “through thick and thin.”
Jennifer Aniston & Selena Gomez
Despite their significant age difference and very different career paths, Selena and Jen go way back. They met in 2014 because they were working with the same management company, and since then, they’ve become good friends, and Selena was even a guest when Jen guest-hosted Ellen last year. Rumors are swirling that Jen has a new man (not Brad Pitt, sadly), but if it’s not too serious, she and Selena could use Ship’s new Hype Line feature to leave notes to the potential matches they find for each other. If I was on a dating app and got a personalized note from Selena Gomez, I’m pretty sure I’d be matching ASAP.
Jonah Hill & The Olsen Twins
Now that Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen have left their acting careers behind, it’s unlikely that they’ll ever share the screen with Jonah Hill, but that hasn’t stopped them from becoming friends with each other. It’s unclear how they first met, but in 2018, the twins attended the Wall Street Journal Magazine’s award show to see Jonah receive an honor, and he even thanked them in his speech. Now that Mary-Kate’s divorce is final, maybe Jonah can help her get back into the dating scene.
Kourtney Kardashian & Travis Barker
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Now that these two are an Instagram official couple, the cat is pretty much out of the bag, but a lot of people don’t realize that Travis and Kourtney were friends for a long time before they ever started dating. While they eventually realized their feelings for each other, the process could’ve been sped up by Ship’s “likes you” feature. The friends-to-lovers pipeline can be a tricky one to figure out, so it’s always helpful to have a hint that the other person is probably just as into you as you are to them.
If Kourtney and Travis could find love with each other, you never know what could be around the corner in your personal life. There’s no denying this has been a strange time for friendships and dating, but with apps like Ship, there are more possibilities for connection than ever. Fire up the app, get your crew together, and go for it.
Images: Lars Niki / Contributor / Getty Images; Ari Perilstein / Stringer; kourtneykardash / Instagram
I’m used to checking Instagram and going “WTF!!” when I see headlines about Scott Disick dating someone new. But a few days ago, when I opened the app for the 78th time that day, I saw post after post saying that Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker were an item.
I seriously had about 100 thoughts right away… like, wow, Kourt and Travis are kinda maybe an even hotter couple than MGK and Megan Fox… and, more importantly, how TF did they even meet?? On top of that, like any loyal Kardashian fan, I know Kourtney’s dating history is short and sweet… so any man she brings around to date must be the real deal and Poosh approved.
And because I had a choice between doing laundry or answering all my burning questions, I chose to do a deep dive on the new couple (duh). And it turns out, their story is classic friends-turned-lovers.
TL;DR? Here’s what you need to know: Kourtney and Travis have been regularly liking each other’s Instagram posts since mid-2017, with Travis heating things up in Kourtney’s Instagram comments as of November 2020. And although they sparked dating rumors in 2018 after being pictured together time after time, an insider confirmed with People on January 24, 2021 that they two are dating, but only as of the past couple months.
For the full and juicy timeline, this breakdown starts off like any good Kardashian story: with Paris Hilton.
Travis’ first foray into the Kardashian empire was in 2006 when he was introduced to Kim by Paris while all three were in Amsterdam. At the time he was dating Paris, but he admitted in an interview with Us Weekly in 2015 that he immediately had a crush on Kim after meeting her (c’mon, ’00s Kim was drop-dead, so can you blame him?).
He also went on to say that Kim had asked him for advice on a little reality show she and her family may be doing… you know, the one that ended up becoming KUWTK? Although he seems like a random person to speak to on that topic, Travis and his ex-wife Shanna Moakler had done an MTV reality show called Meet the Barkers from 2005-06, so the question actually totally made sense.
Fast forward over the next couple of years, and according to Us Weekly, Travis and Kim started hanging out back in California… which is probably how he and his kids got in touch with the rest of the family. This actually makes sense because they all lived (and still live) in the same Calabasas community, so getting to know Kourtney, Khloé, and the rest of the Ks would have been pretty damn convenient.
Around 2016 is when the rumors and friendship between Kourtney and Travis really started to heat up, so here’s an ultimate breakdown of their friendship/relationship timeline.
Travis made his first public mention of Kourtney while on the ill-fated Kocktails with Khloé, saying he sometimes runs into Kourt and Khloé at the gym.
Travis appeared in a KUWTK Christmas Special. Although Travis had made appearances in previous episodes, in this particular one, he and his kids were invited to Kourtney’s house for Christmas activities alongside Kim and Larsa Pippen.
Kourtney posted a pic on Instagram riding a bike, and Travis commented a couple of seemingly harmless emojis (but, I mean, are Instagram comments ever truly harmless??). Following that, the internet did what it does best and read into it, starting rumors that the two were romantically linked.
September 2018 – November 2018
Following the August 2018 Instagram comment, Kourtney and Travis sparked more and more dating rumors when they were seen and pictured around LA on a few occasions. Most of this was paparazzi shots of them attending a Hillsong church service, as well as eating at an LA restaurant called Crossroads together a couple times.
Kourtney and Travis were pictured taking their kids on a super cute playdate to get ice cream in LA. Stars, I guess, do do normal stuff just like us.
The pair was photographed attending Kanye’s Sunday Service together, and then driving in Malibu afterward with Kourtney at the wheel. This is a total side note, but I have to ask: is it RIP Kardashian attendance at Sunday Service now that Kim and Kanye are separating??
With all the paparazzi shots of them together, it wasn’t a shocker that the media wanted to know if Kourtney and Travis were truly a couple. But when asked about their relationship at the 2019 iHeartRadio Music Awards, Travis told People, “Kourtney’s like a dear friend. That’s it. I mean, I love her to death. I love her family to death. But yeah, just friends.” Really Travis? Couldn’t you just let the internet dream about the KK+TB fantasy a little longer??
November 2020 – January 2021
Between November 2 to January 26, Travis liked over 50 of Kourtney’s Instagram posts and commented on eight. The comments have definitely ranged from innocent/friendly to damn, these two are SO entangled… he’s used everything from the fire, mermaid, party hat, rose and christmas tree emojis. The one standout? A comment with actual words on January 5th when Kourtney posted a pic of the film True Romance. He said, “You’re So Cool” (which honestly, I can’t argue with).
And throwing her likes isn’t just a recent thing. He’s actually been regularly liking her photos since mid 2017, and before that, he was double tapping more periodically. On the other side of this, Kourtney hasn’t been commenting on his posts, but has liked a ton of his photos since summer 2017.
January 24, 2021
As you know, the internet has better detectives than the FBI, and people pieced together from Kourtney’s Instagram post and Travis’ stories that Kourtney and Travis were both at Kris Jenner’s Palm Springs house together.
January 24, 2021
Although Kourtney and Travis haven’t publicly DTR’d, an insider told People, “They’re in Palm Springs together. They’ve been dating for about a month or two.” Seriously, kudos to Travis for being part of the 1% who’s able to move out of the friend zone and into the… well, you know.
Here’s my conclusion: I don’t think the Kardashian team (Kris) would allow any insider to speak to the media unless Kourtney and Travis were truly dating. And I completely predict that they’ll last for the next year at least, because they have a ton in common: they both have kids, live in Calabasas, and judging from their restaurant choices, both eat vegan (at least, from time to time).
I’ll leave this off with two things: (1) I’m PRAYING that Travis makes an appearance in this last KUWTK season, and; (2) as a self-proclaimed Kardashian superfan, I’m 1000% here for Kourtney and Travis’ hotness and hope we get much, much more juicy content from them together.
Images: Dimitrios Kambouris / Staff/Getty Images; kourtneykardash, travisbarker / Instagram
Over the last six months, with in-person gatherings largely out of the question, event organizers around the world have gotten creative about how to make things happen during a pandemic. We’ve seen sporting events in quarantine bubbles with no fans, a VMAs show that was a puzzling mix of live and pre-recorded segments, and most of all, a sh*t load of events on Zoom. At this point, I think I speak for most of us when I say that I have major Zoom fatigue, but I might have to make an exception for one very special event later this month: Kourtney Kardashian’s first-ever Poosh Your Wellness virtual festival.
That’s right. Poosh, our favorite wellness site, an online destination that has taught us groundbreaking life hacks like how to eat an apple, is having a festival. The one-day event, which supposedly lasts seven hours—I feel like there will be a lot of breaks—is set for September 26th, and obviously, we have to talk about exactly what the f*ck a Poosh festival entails.
The day is split into three sections: morning, afternoon, and wrap-up. For the morning session, programming will be kicked off with an “Opening Keynote & Matcha Ceremony Led by Our Very Own Kourtney Kardashian.” There’s no information available about WTF a “matcha ceremony” is, but I’m sure it’s going to be life-changing. As for Kourt’s big keynote address, I wouldn’t expect too much, because elsewhere on the Poosh site it’s described as “some conversation” with Poosh Chief Content Officer Sarah Howard. In my mind, a keynote is not the same thing as a quick chat, but hey, who cares.
After worshipping matcha for a few minutes, there’s a “glutes workout,” followed by a “post-workout smoothie tutorial.” It’s unclear whether you’re supposed to make the smoothie along with them, or just sit back and watch. That’s followed by a session on “how to detox your shower routine,” which is something I did not know I needed until now. What’s wrong with my current shower routine? Kourtney, CLEANSE ME. The morning finishes off with a “self-hypnosis” session, which sounds like my worst nightmare. MOVING ON.
The afternoon kicks off with a cooking demonstration featuring “Poosh-approved plant-based milk recipes.” (If that took you a second, they’re not teaching you different ways to make milk, but rather, different recipes incorporating things like oat milk and almond milk.) Great. That’s followed by a “Q+A on all things sexual health,” but there’s no information on who is answering these questions. Is it an OBGYN? A sex therapist? Scott? Unclear. After that, it’s on to a “DIY body scrub tutorial,” and then “tips on how to take the perfect selfie.” What do selfies have to do with wellness, you ask? I certainly don’t know, but I’m sure Kourtney has thought it through.
The final session includes an “expert-led facial and skin care experience” and a “DIY floral arrangement class”, but again, it’s unclear if you’re actually supposed to do any of this stuff at home while you’re watching. Is it BYOF, or will florals be provided? I mean, personally I will be drunk by the evening session, but someone might actually want to arrange their own flowers. After that, there’s a “closing keynote and happy hour” with Kourtney and Khloé, which actually sounds like the only fun part of the day. I hope Khloé gets drunk and spills some tea, because that’s the only thing that would make this day worth it.
If you’ve made it this far and are still considering actually attending the Poosh Your Wellness festival, you’ll be pleased to know that the general admission tickets are only $25. Personally, I was expecting them to massively overcharge for this day of glorified YouTube videos, but I think $25 is pretty reasonable. The VIP tickets, however, are set at a much higher $250. For your extra coin, you’ll get a gift bag allegedly valued at over $300, as well as a Zoom Q&A with Kourtney before the event. Sounds… not worth it. Just book a Cameo for that money.
So uhh, grab your tickets now if you feel like it, or don’t, and wonder what you missed out on for the rest of your life. Personally, I’ll be spending the next week trying to figure out what a matcha ceremony is, and whether my mental health can withstand actually attending this event.
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Images: Dimitrios Kambouris / Staff/Getty Images
When it comes to keeping up with TikTok, I basically just don’t. I’ll watch what people send me, and of course I love cringeworthy celebrity TikToks, but mostly I’m content leaving Gen-Z alone to do their dances and troll President Trump in peace. But sometimes the world of TikTok crosses over into the real world, and by the real world, I actually mean the world of the Kardashians. Recently, Kourtney Kardashian and her fam have been spending a lot of time with Addison Rae, who happens to be the second most followed person on TikTok (after Charli D’Amelio). She also happens to be 19 years old, which begs the question: Why is Kourtney Kardashian hanging out with someone half her age?
First, let’s take a step back and learn a little about Addison Rae. Surely, someone with over 50 million TikTok followers must be super creative, or funny, or talented, right? You would think, but much like Charli D’Amelio, Addison mostly posts videos of herself dancing or lip-syncing in her flawlessly lit house. And just like Charli, Addison was a member of the massively successful Hype House collective, though she doesn’t publicly associate with the group anymore. So basically, Addison is just your average TikTok teen who happened to rack up a ridiculous amount of followers. Casual.
The roots of Addison’s Kardashian Konnection can be traced back to March (which feels like approximately 17 years ago), when 10-year-old Mason Disick had his brief but iconic moment on social media. You may remember his drama with Jeffree Star, but that actually happened after Mason went live on TikTok with… Addison Rae. Kourtney quickly shut down Mason’s social media accounts, but apparently she connected with Addison through all of this, and at the end of June, she and Addison posted several TikToks with each other. Then, a few days later, this Instagram post nearly broke the internet:
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First of all, we’re still in the middle of a pandemic, and most people are being careful about who (if anyone) they’re hanging out with in close proximity. There was obviously no social distancing happening here, so you had to wonder: were they being careless, or were Addison and Kourtney in each other’s bubbles? The former seemed more likely, considering that Kourtney hasn’t actually been that careful recently. In the past month, she’s been at Khloé’s birthday party, on a huge family trip to Wyoming (along with some of North’s friends), and spotted out at restaurants multiple times. I’m not even judging, but it’s not like Kourtney is only seeing a few close friends.
But despite how random their initial hangout seemed, nearly a month later, Addison has actually been spending a lot of time with Kourtney, Scott, and the kids. Last week, she posted this picture, and explained in the caption that Mason was the one who took it:
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Over the weekend, she shared photos of her and Kourtney floating, fully clothed, in the pool:
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Addison also posted a TikTok featuring Kourtney, Scott Disick, their three kids, North West, and a couple random men who I don’t recognize. Um, how many people are at this house? I still won’t even let my landlord in my apartment to fix something, meanwhile, Kourtney’s place is crawling with people. Also, is Scott living there? Is he officially back with Kourtney?? So many questions, and zero answers.
@addisonre♬ Tap In – Saweetie
But they’re not just at the house! In addition to being at Kourtney’s all the f*cking time, Addison also went to dinner with her at Nobu Malibu twice last week, because they can, I guess. They’ve also been to the beach with Kourtney’s friends with no masks in sight. With the age difference between Addison and Kourtney, people (me in my group text) have started to joke about Kourtney adopting her, but actually, this whole situation is bizarre. You’ve got Addison, who’s half Kourtney’s age, who met Kourtney through Mason, who’s half Addison’s age. None of these people should be friends with each other—it’s weird!
When it comes to why Kourtney and Addison are obsessed with each other, there’s really no satisfying answer. We basically know how they met, but when it comes down to it, these are two famous people who understand how clout works. Do they enjoy each other’s company? Probably, but they also know it’s good for both of them to keep making videos and taking bikini pics together. That’s showbiz, baby. (Sidenote: Kourtney, if you’re interested in adopting me, my DMs are wide open.)
Images: Steven Ferdman/Getty Images for NYFW: The Shows; kourtneykardash, addisonraee / Instagram; addisonre / TikTok
Let me just start by saying that fitness is not my middle name, but I went on a run yesterday, so as per the rules of Instagram, I’m now a fitness influencer. I’m also in quarantine (like the rest of the world) and my couch is starting to form a dent the size of my ass, so it looks like it’s time to work out. When researching “how to work out” I instantly thought of Kourtney Kardashian, who, in case you didn’t know, is by far the most exciting Kardashian to look at. Kourtney’s trainer, Amanda Lee, shared the HIIT routine that she does with the reality star on Poosh, and for some reason, I thought that it would be a great idea to try it. I don’t know why I do this to myself. Honestly, Hell must have frozen over, because I am about to wear a sports bra and leggings for their actual intended purposes. I know, I can’t believe it either. I’m really happy that I did that sit-up last year, I feel like it has totally prepared me for this moment. So, for my health and your entertainment, I present to you, my experience doing Kourtney Kardashian’s HIIT workout.
What’s A HIIT Workout?
I’m pretty sure they call it a HIIT workout because when you’re done, you’re ready to hit the floor, and never get up again. While I prefer my definition, apparently HIIT actually stands for high-intensity interval training. It’s a full-body cardio workout that alternates between intense bursts of activity and intervals of less-intense activity or total rest. HIIT workouts have become widely popular during this time of social distancing and sheltering in place, because they are efficient, effective, and don’t require any equipment. So, there is literally no excuse not to do it—sorry.
My typical exercise regimen normally includes long walks on the beach—wait no, sorry that’s my dating profile. My workouts generally entail a lot of walks with my dog, yoga, spontaneous dance parties, high incline on the treadmill, and the occasional sit-up when I can’t reach the remote. I’ve never really been a gym rat; I’d say I’m more like Pizza Rat. I’ve always preferred to get my exercise through sports like soccer, dance, snowboarding, etc. However, now that we are all staying indoors, those activities are limited, so I’m branching out. Wish me luck.
Kourtney Kardashian’s HIIT Workout
Kourt’s routine takes roughly 15 minutes to complete (depending on your resting time) and is made up of four different sequences. According to her trainer, Amanda Lee, this HIIT workout is great for someone who is super into cardio. I don’t know who that person is, but I can already tell that I don’t want to be friends with them. Now, without further ado, here is the workout. I’m already sweating just reading this.
⭐︎ Jump Squat into Jumping Lunges
⭐︎ Mountain Climber with Push-up
⭐︎ Burpee + 180 Squat Jump
⭐︎ Jumping Jack into Jumping Jack Plank
*Repeat entire circuit three times*
Move 1: Jump Squat Into Jumping Lunges
Amanda Lee’s directions (via Poosh):
“Start with jump squats. Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart. Do a regular squat, then jump explosively. When you land, lower your body back into a squat position. After three reps, immediately begin to perform three jumping lunges. Start with your feet staggered, your left foot slightly in front of your right. Push off the bottom of both feet into a jump, switching the position of your feet midair, landing in a basic lunge with your right leg in front. Repeat this movement without rest, alternating which leg is front. Then go back to the three jump squats. Repeat for 30 seconds.” See the video here.
Okay, move one. I’m stretched, enthusiastic, and ready to build a butt with a round of squats. After the first rep I can say with confidence that I am not a huge fan of the jump squats. There’s nothing wrong with them per se, I just don’t like them. They feel super awkward with my baby giraffe-like legs, but hey, that’s just me. I am happy to report, however, that I’m enjoying the jumping lunges! I feel as if I have more control and am able to maintain a tighter core while switching my legs back and forth. I wouldn’t say that the 30 seconds flew by, but it wasn’t too horrible, which is a pretty damn good start in my opinion!
Move 2: Mountain Climber With Push-up
Amanda Lee’s directions (via Poosh):
“Start in a push-up position with your arms straight and your body in a straight line. Raise your right knee toward your chest, then switch legs, raising your left knee toward your chest. Continue for four reps and then bend your arms while lowering yourself down to perform a push-up. Repeat for 30 seconds.” See the video here.
I am actually in favor of mountain climbers, so this part wasn’t overly painful. The push-ups, however, I’ll just say “ugh”. To everyone who kept tagging me in push-up challenges on Instagram, I hope you’re happy now. Luckily there was only one push-up per rep, so I guess I could quit my complaining. I mean I won’t, but I suppose I could. Again, the 30 seconds, wasn’t so bad. In fact, it was almost downright bearable!
Move 3: Burpee + 180 Squat Jump
Amanda Lee’s directions (via Poosh):
“Squat down and put your hands on the floor in front of you. Jump both feet back so that you’re now in a plank position. Then jump your feet back in towards your hands. When you are back to standing, explosively jump into the air, reaching your arms straight overhead. From there, land into a squat position and perform a 180-degree turn jump squat. Perform another burpee facing the opposite direction. Repeat for 30 seconds.” See the video here.
I prefer to call these barfees, because that’s what I want to do right about now. This was by far the absolute worst part of Kourtney Kardashian’s HIIT workout. This is also about the time where I turned into The Little Engine That Could and kept chanting, “I think I can, I think I can” until I literally couldn’t anymore. This move was definitely successful in being a high-intensity workout as advertised, so kudos there. I was for sure feeling the “benefits” of this maneuver the next day, and I am sincerely happy that this part is over now.
Move 4: Jumping Jack Into Jumping Jack Plank
Amanda Lee’s directions (via Poosh):
“Start with 10 jumping jacks, then drop down into a plank position. Like the motion of a jumping jack, jump your legs wide and then back together. Repeat for 10 reps. Stand up and continue with 10 jumping jacks. Repeat for 30 seconds.” See the video here.
Disclaimer: I did play The Rolling Stones’ “Jumpin Jack Flash” in order to properly prepare for this last exercise, so yeah, I’d say that I’m nailing this whole “working out” thing. Move four was, dare I say, kind of fun? Crazy, I know. The great thing about this final move is that you really don’t have to be a fitness aficionado to master it. Jumping jacks are fairly standard and pretty freaking hard to screw up, so it was right up my alley. While going from an upright position down to a plank gave me unsettling flashbacks of burpees, I enjoyed feeling like a fitness influencer for 30 seconds.
Holy sh*t am I sore! It all sounded so easy: about a 15-minute workout, four moves, no problem. Wrong. Problem, I am having a problem, and it’s the fact that I just now realized how woefully out of shape I am. I did weigh myself the next day, and oddly enough I didn’t lose 20 pounds after doing Kourtney Kardashian’s HIIT workout one time. Yeah, I know, I don’t get it either. But I do feel accomplished, and as far as workouts go, this one wasn’t that bad, which is truly high praise from me. It was familiar moves, zero equipment, and it definitely got my heart rate going.
My biggest piece of advice for anyone wanting to give this routine a try is to stretch beforehand! That probably goes without saying to all the fitness enthusiasts out there, but I’m saying it anyway. Seriously, stretch before attempting, and hopefully you’ll be able to bend down to tie your shoes the next day, unlike me. All in all, I would do this again. Maybe not this week, but once I regain the feeling in my legs I would absolutely do it again sometime in the near, or probably distant future.
I did it, I survived, and all I have left to say is ABCDEFG.
Images: Mora Gluskin (2)
If you read that headline and had to check to make sure that April Fool’s Day was, in fact, yesterday, you’re not alone. Jeffree Star, YouTube beauty guru and lover of drama, has beef with Kourtney Kardashian’s 10-year-old son. If the global pandemic wasn’t strong enough evidence, I think this is confirmation that we’re officially living in The Bad Place. What is going on, and how the f*ck did we get here? Let’s dive in.
Despite all the drama that’s gone down since we got to know them, the Kardashians are generally known for keeping their sh*t tight on social media. They show us exactly what they want, when they want, which is mostly on TV and the fake Twitter fights they drum up to encourage us to watch them on TV. Like, Kylie Jenner is one of the most famous people on the planet, and she managed to keep her pregnancy a secret until after she had the baby! They might be tone-deaf or problematic, but the Kardashians are almost never sloppy on social media.
Well, I think it’s safe to say that the Kardashian ship has officially sprung a leak, and it’s none other than Mason Disick. Mason, Kourtney and Scott’s eldest son, recently discovered social media, and it’s been a f*cking trip already. A couple weeks ago, Mason made an Instagram account, and almost immediately went live for his followers. Normally, this wouldn’t have been that noteworthy—but Mason is a messy bitch who lives for drama. A viewer asked if Kylie and Travis are actually back together, and Mason said no right there on Instagram Live! An icon, honestly.
Shortly after that, Mason’s Instagram page disappeared, and Kourtney later explained that she shut that sh*t down. In her own IG Live, Kourtney said that her reason was that Mason is only 10, and Instagram’s age minimum is 13. That’s true, but I feel like the real reason was probably that Kris Jenner sent her a strongly worded text to get her son in line. The family that avoids PR crises together stays together!
So Mason’s Instagram is sadly gone, but don’t worry, he’s still on TikTok. He’s actually been on TikTok since January, and Kourtney has appeared in his videos, so it’s a parent-approved platform. But that might not last long, because Mason has now figured out how to use TikTok’s live feature. In his first live video, he talked about going viral on Instagram, and complained that he won’t get to go to Coachella this year “because of corona.” Aw, maybe he can do a Zoom Coachella with Vanessa Hudgens.
And, in a video from last week, he went live with major TikTok star Addison Rae, who has a casual 30 million followers. What am I doing wrong with my life? When a viewer asked Mason about his favorite beauty YouTuber, he answered honestly: “I don’t really watch makeup YouTubers, but I think James —he’s really nice. Because Jeffree Star is, like, spoiled AF.” Lmaooooo. Considering that James Charles and Jeffree Star are two of the messiest YouTubers around, you already knew this was going to cause drama.
On Wednesday, Jeffree Star was made aware of what Mason said, and as he always does, he made his thoughts known on Twitter. After declaring that six years ago, he only had $500 in his bank account, he suggested that Mason might be “confused with his own privilege versus mine being self-made,” and added that “hopefully his father can educate him soon.” OUCH.
Okay, so is everything that Jeffree Star said probably correct? Honestly yeah, it’s no secret that Mason has grown up extremely privileged, and with his aunt touted as a self-made billionaire, he might not really understand what that means. But does Jeffree Star realize that he’s dragging a literal child in front of his millions of followers on Twitter, just for calling him spoiled?
This is both a bad look and an unnecessary one, and someone must have pointed this out to Jeffree, because he’s since deleted his tweet about Mason. I’m hoping that Mason will go live again to address his beef with Jeffree, but I have a feeling that Kourtney won’t let that happen and she will be changing the Wifi password immediately. That’s probably for the best, because I don’t need to be spending my time thinking about a feud between a 34-year-old and a 10-year-old child. This might be the weirdest feud of 2020 so far, but with the way this year is going so far, who knows what will happen.
Images: Rosdiana Ciaravolo / Contributor/Getty Images; jeffreestar / Instagram