I never included lipstick into my makeup routine until I decided to become a basic bitch v trendy by giving in and slowly selling my soul to Kylie Cosmetics.
It’s a given that there’s a huge difference in your alcohol tolerance and the severity of your hangover since you first started stealing from your parent’s liquor stash.
Waterproof makeup is cool and all, but just because my mascara has less chances of running doesn’t mean it won’t stop me from sweating profusely—which no one can know I’m capable of doing, obviously.
Now that we’re in the second month of summer and the second most important summer holiday is over (National Tequila Day is first, fucking obviously), your Insta game is more important than ever.
Despite the sweltering heat, summer is def the best season because it’s the one time a year a girl can dress up like a total slut and no other girls can say anything else about it.
I’ve never been an “America, fuck yeah” type of person, but if there’s an unhealthy amount of Bud Light, fireworks, and drunken swimming involved, fuck yeah, you can count me in.
‘Tis the season (about fucking time) for drinking outside on a hourly weekly basis, always looking exotic, and visiting your second home: the hair salon, obvi.
Since I’m originally from upstate New York, a place you probably only know as like, “near Canada” where people wear a grotesque amount of John Deere, or whatever that camo brand is, I only know weather as being hot or cold.
I deal with stressful things in life like most rational people: procrastinate incessantly by doing other equally important things (shopping, thoroughly organizing my closet, eating takeout...etc.) and delaying until the last possible second.
Now that it’s my favorite time of the year, it’s socially acceptable to wear the one accessory that has saved me from many unwanted social interactions and near-death hangovers: sunglasses.
In addition to roasting under the sun, creepily eyeing flirting with the hot lifeguard, and day drinking for no reason other than the fact that the sun is out and it’s summer (duh), the beach provides an endless amount of glorious benefits.
