The
Betch
That
Explains
It
All

We’re in a new year, so that means a bunch of shit sitting in your closet is definitely sooo 2017.

In a time when it feels like New York may truly freeze over, taking care of our prizeworthy skin is crucial.

If there’s one thing betches love about the winter and freezing temperatures, it’s that it means we can finally go skiing.

I have always been a huge fan of jewelry.

Since we’re only three days into 2018, you’re probs still on a “new year, new me” high.

We’ve entered a new year, and thank god, because 2017 was getting on my fucking last nerve. “New year, new me” my ass.

Look, I love Christmas and the holiday season for all the right reasons, but I reaaally love post-holiday sales even more.

You know those people who are like, “I’d rather be cold than hot”?

Now that Christmas is over, we’re all in panic mode for New Year’s Eve because just like every year, we def left it for the very last minute.

Stressing over New Year’s Eve makeup is seriously underrated.

For the most part, nail trends are pretty predictable: red for fall, black for winter, florals for spring, and white for summer.

Usually, when you hear the word “charcoal,” you think of day drinking and drunk-eating hotdogs, but like, who would’ve thought the same shit was apparently amazing for your skin and overall health?!

It’s about that time of year when it’s officially cold as fuck.

It’s only December, and I can already feel my winter weight creeping up on me.

Obviously, 2017 wasn’t anyone’s year.

There’s truly a lot to take away from the excitement of New Year’s Eve.

This is like those chocolate advent calendars your grandma used to get you when you were like, five years old, but only a million times better.

Is it *really* the most wonderful time of the year ?

Procrastination is my best talent and my middle name at this point.

I could go on and on about why this time of year is the literal shit.

It’s actually December, and the tree at Rockefeller Center is lit af.

If there’s something everyone goes nuts over during the holiday season, it’s the ugly holiday sweater fad.

It’s fucking December, guys.

Although the annual Victoria’s Secret fashion show was taped last week, last night us peasants the general public was able to view it on air.

I thought I hated myself on Thanksgiving morning when I was too hungover from my Thanksgiving Eve blackout to watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade with my little sister, but no.

Thanksgiving is the official commencement of the holiday shopping purge season.

It’s that time of year again: the annual Victoria’s Secret fashion show.

I am that annoying af person who has been secretly playing Michael Bublé’s Christmas album since October.

Hello darkness, my old friend.

Wedding season is supposedly during the summer, but just when you thought that gag-worthy shit was over comes fall—another time that’s considered wedding season.

I have recently decided to become a good person kind of healthy and try, like, really hard to better myself inside and out.

It may not be Thanksgiving just yet, but fuck it.

Welp, it’s November.

Like most people in this world, I really care about my skin.

If you vicariously live through Hollywood’s most hated adored celebs like I do, you’ve probs seen a recent trend pop up: the faux fur coat.

I would try to beat around the bush with this one, but given what the headline is, there’s really no dodging it.

If there’s anything that’s disgusting, embarrassing, and a telltale sign that you’ve run out of fucks to give, it’s greasy hair.

It takes a lot of patience, effort, and internal seething to act as heartless as Kourtney Kardashian.

IDK about you, but sometimes it feels like I could be my most obnoxious, vegan, fitstagram-loving self and still feel dead inside have shitty skin.

As Cady Heron once said, it turns out there can be a lot wrong on your body.

Honestly, as fun and life-saving makeup can be, it can be equally as overwhelming.

Anyone who says they’re a morning person is a fugly slut freak.

As much as I’d like to say I’m bad and boujee, I’m more like a medium and middle-class betch who still goes to the drive-thru at Taco Bell.

I hate any time of year that brings temperatures below 70 degrees, tbh.

Chrissy Teigen is our spirit animal IRL.

It’s another week, which means another Sephora Weekly Wow.

Unless you know wtf you’re doing (which is a rarity), buying new lipstick online sucks.

So way back when—as in like, September—we gave you the 4-1-1 on ASOS’s brand new makeup line.

Hey, hey, hey!

As you’ve heard like, a million times, it’s the season for all that is basic and betchy.