It’s going to be hard to talk about Salt Lake and not hyper-fixate on the MomTok Mormon Wives the entire time, but lest we forget the group of women who made Utah cool before The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives ever existed. Season 5 of The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City is back and boy does it have some big shoes to fill after the earth-shattering bomb that was Reality Von Tease. Everyone say: Thank you, Monica Garcia!!! Even though Monica has been unfortunately ousted by the RHOSLC OGs, the repercussions of her espionage with her fake blonde wig and network of spies are still going to be a big part of the new classic’s fifth season. Plus I sorta forgot if Meredith Marks and Lisa are on again or off again, where Whitney is at with her hilling journey with Heather, and the last person Mary Cosby whacked for just funsies. If you’re wondering the same, don’t worry, I did my Housewives homework ahead of time, and lucky for you I’m willing to share my answers. Here’s a v necessary recap of RHOSLC season 4 ahead of the season 5 premiere.
Is Monica Garcia (Reality Von Tease) coming back to RHOSLC?
In the season 4 finale, Heather exposed Monica to be the evil genius behind the Bravo troll Instagram account Reality Von Tease in Bermuda. To be fair, Monica says she created Reality Von Tease to call out Jen Shah for Jen’s alleged mistreatment of her employees, which Monica and others such as Heather’s hairdresser Tenesha used secretly recorded videos to try and prove. The only mean stuff the account ever posted about Heather, Lisa, and the other women was from Jen Shah’s point of view. Plus, Monica had her own set of receipts claiming that all of the women, including Angie K, had messaged with her big bad account. When Monica yelled “Bitch, don’t act like every single one of you wasn’t constantly watching and DM-ing that page. You were our biggest fans,” and no one could prove her wrong, I simply had to stan.
As of August, it seems our dreams of a Monica cameo are officially dead. Monica blamed Lisa Barlow specifically, claiming Bravo tried to include her in season 5 production, but Lisa threatened to quit. Lisa gave a bit of credence to Monica’s theory when she replied “I can’t imagine being so pathetic and desperate I can’t move on,” but didn’t deny she put her foot down on Monica filming. If there is any chance Monica will appear on our screens again, it would have to be a Bravo-picked-the-cameras-back-up type of moment as filming has likely wrapped now.
Are Heather And Whitney friends?
Bad Weather is a storm that feels impossible to track, but at the end of the season 4 reunion Heather and Whitney had decided to bury the hatchet (again). The cousins had been fighting all season about Heather’s best-seller Bad Mormon, where Whitney says Heather “exploited Whitney’s vagina” by talking about a boudoir photo shoot she asked for help with. Heather claimed she gave Whitney a copy of her book, and Whitney had no problem with it before publication. Plus, now that Whitney was (temporarily) Lisa Barlow’s bestie, Heather was bitter that Lisa welcomed Whitney into her inner circle even though Whitney implicated Heather in the completely fabricated courtside Jazz- tickets-for-blowies rumor that Whitney first repeated on camera. Will Heather finally step up and be the kind of cousin Whitney needs to help her along her ever-evolving hilling journey? Probably not, but I guess we’ll find out.
What happened with Mary Cosby and Meredith: are they still friends?
One of the highlights of season 4 was the gift that keeps on giving, Mary Cosby, bonding with bath queen Meredith Marks. But the teasers and press tour for season 5 have fans questioning why it looks like Mary and Meredith are beefing. At the reunion, Meredith and Mary were on good terms, so it’s unclear why Mary calls Meredith a “sneaky, snarky” perpetual “victim” in the season 5 trailer. Meredith in turn accuses Mary of “using” her “for three years”. Still, Meredith recently claims she actually doesn’t know what the BFD is between them, but what she can ascertain is Mary brought up “things from ages ago” that are “contrived.” My best guess? Mary’s off-season gravitation toward Angie K led to a fracture in their alliance carefully orchestrated by the princess of Greece.
Who is Bronwyn Newport?
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The newest Salt Lake Housewife in the mix is 39-year-old Bronwyn who is married to 65-year-old Todd Newport with whom she shares her 18-year-old daughter Gwen. Bronwyn is a certified fashion killer and advocate of progressive political movements and the LGBTQ community (which explains some of her famous connections to drag queens like Alyssa Edwards and Alaska). Bronwyn is actually currently pursuing US citizenship. She explained on Instagram that she’s “actually not American, yet. [She] wasn’t born in the US. [She] moved here from Brazil when [she] almost a year old and then again lived outside the US, in Europe, during elementary school.” Bronwyn describes herself as “over the top” in all aspects of life which sounds like a perfect type of person to entertain me, TYVM.
