Non-Intimidating Ways To Use A Vibrator During Sex

When it comes to vibrators, I have somewhat limited experience. Specifically, I took one trip to Babeland my junior year of high school to pick out a vibrator I’d seen on an episode of Sex and the City. (A newer model, obviously. Vibrator shopping is not the time to go vintage.) And courtesy of a shitty high school boyfriend, I was almost immediately discouraged from ever using said vibrator. Apparently, bringing in outside help (even on my own), was “insulting.” Whenever I attempted to broach the topic again, my boyfriend literally gave me the silent treatment (real catch, I know).

So before we dive in, let me say that you should dump any partner who tries this bullshit on you. Swiftly. I’m not saying that they’re not allowed to have any opinions or input. But if someone ascribes to the idea that they “own” your orgasms—to the extent that they feel threatened by a couple of triple-A batteries—then they’re not worthy of your time. *Waits for 2/3 of readers to dump their shitty BFs via text* Anyway, let’s discuss how to incorporate vibrators into your sex life.

Figure Out What You Like

Even if you’ve found a vibrator/method you like (and especially if you haven’t), I strongly encourage you to keep experimenting. As with all other sex acts, you really want to avoid falling into a rut with your vibrator. And if you’re using it with a partner for the first time, you’ll definitely need to coach them on how you want the vibrator used. So you can either do that background research on your own, or you can make finding out part of the fun.

A few ways you can do this: try different speeds, areas, and levels of pressure on or near your clit. Try putting it inside yourself. Try it on different parts of your body (Refinery29 suggests trying it on your nipples, or as a back massager.) Use it with lube. Try holding it yourself, and try having your partner hold it.  Also, try it both over and under clothes. I actually thought I hated vibrators for a while because I was basically just bludgeoning my nerve endings with it. If you’re easily over-stimulated, leave your underwear on next time you use a vibrator. It could be a total game changer.

Add It To Foreplay

Ah, foreplay. While far too often relegated to three minutes of making out plus some vague nipple pinching, foreplay really shouldn’t end until you’re 100% ready for the next phase. “Ready” in this case largely refers to being wet, but not exclusively. IDK about you, but I like a good amount of time to get in the right mindset. Otherwise we’re suddenly boning and I realize I’m still thinking about the Dewan-Tatum situation. IMO, using a vibrator can totally change the foreplay experience, and you have lots of options. If teasing is a turn-on for you or your partner, you can use the vibrator on yourself and set a rule. Your partner isn’t allowed to touch you until you say. Or, if you like your partner to dominate you, they can use it on your clit/start fingering you until you’re audibly and visibly ready to move on. Bonus: both these moves are made even hotter if the person not holding the vibrator is tied up.

Add It To Sex

Personally, I think doggy style is one of the best positions for you to use a vibrator. First of all, your partner should be paying attention to your clit anyway. Second, doggy feels deeper and tighter than most positions. So, combining the sensation with a vibrator is basically a sensory overload in the best way possible. Best case: you’re getting G-Spot and clit stimulation at the same time. Worst case: it’s overly intense, so you make some adjustments. (E.g. lower vibrator setting, less direct clit contact, trying a new angle).

If you want to keep the intensity of doggy but prefer to hold the vibrator yourself, you can modify doggy slightly by lying in a fetal-ish position on your side. Your partner kneels behind you, and you lift your top leg if you want them to go even deeper. If you want both partners to hold the vibrator (which can be really hot), you should try it while spooning. Controlling the vibrator together is even hotter when you have that full-body contact. That being said, you can use a vibrator in pretty much any position. (Maybe not ultra-close missionary.) You be the judge of your partner’s dexterity and ability to multi-task and plan accordingly.

If you’ve tried a million vibrators and it’s just not for you, that’s totally fine. But if you’ve held off so far because you’ve been scared into thinking you’re “replacing a man” or you think that all vibrators are basically hot-pink cement mixers, I beg you to get back in the game. The vibrator industry exists to help you get off. Treat finding your signature vibrator with the same energy you gave finding a signature scent, and get to work.

Images: Giphy (4)

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