After the bouquet has been tossed and the open bar has closed, we all think we know what the newlyweds are going back to their hotel room to do. However, there’s a really, really good chance they’re not doing anything close to that. Sure, having sex on your wedding night is typically seen as a way to solidify your nuptials. Plus, it’s the first time you can do it no longer ~living in sin~. But due to a whole lot of reasons, it may not happen — and that outcome may even be more common than you think.
The thing about your wedding is, first off, it’s a whole lot of fun. You get to marry your best friend and celebrate with all your favorite people in the world. But it’s a looooong day. You’re up at like 7am for hair and makeup, and the champagne probably starts flowing early. So, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that by the time you can finally take off your shapewear and remove approximately 432 bobby pins from your ‘do, you may just want to chug some water and head to bed (and actually sleep).
This is all to say that if you and your new husband or wife decide to have special-married-people-sex, great! But if you and your legally bound partner decide that the last thing you feel like doing is sealing the deal, don’t feel weird about it. Chances are that you’re not going to look back on your wedding night sex and think it was the best come that ever came. It’s fine! We promise! You’re still just as married! Don’t forget that you have the rest of your lives to get it on (sans the aching feet at 2am when you’ve had about 17 celebratory cocktails).
Below, we surveyed 10 millennial women to share if they had sex on their wedding night.
10 Millennial Women Share If They *Actually* Had Sex On Their Wedding Night
“No, because my husband was so drunk, he ended up falling asleep on the floor of the giant shower in our suite. 😂” — Shannon, 29
“We did NOT have sex the night of our wedding. We got back to the room, I showered, and washed off all my makeup and collapsed into bed and my new husband was already half asleep. My feet were covered in blisters from dancing and my entire body hurt from holding up my heavy dress all day that I think if my husband even tried any funny business, I would have swatted him away. I was so mentally exhausted from planning a wedding, it would have been impossible to turn me on. We did joke about it that day that we knew we’d both be way too tired. It was great being on the same page about expectations for that night. Sex on your wedding night is overrated, in my opinion.” — Cassie, 28
“Yes. A few months before the wedding, I told my husband that a majority of couples actually do not have sex the night of their wedding — and he was shocked. To him, it was an essential part of celebrating our wedding night, but I was concerned about waiting until the end of the night when we’d be exhausted and under the influence. So, we decided to build it into the timeline (not the one we printed for guests, don’t worry)! We made a plan to ‘change’ in between the reception and the after-party, and both agreed to take it easy on drinking at the reception. I felt some pressure to have sex on my wedding night because of the whole ‘once in a lifetime’ mentality that surrounds weddings. There’s no redo button for that special night. My goal was to make sure neither of us would ever regret our choice. I’m really thankful we have such open and honest communication, which lets us chat about our wishes beforehand and come up with a solid plan.” — Alexandra, 28
“I did not! We had a postponed wedding due to COVID! We were a ball of emotions that the wedding was finally here. We decided to have an after-party outside, but of course the weather stunk. The after-party ended up in our suite packed with 30+ people of all ages. We had a blast, but were exhausted. Cops came multiple times and by the fourth time we lied and said the cops wanted everything shut down. Everyone finally left, we shut the door, and literally crashed. Getting ourselves together, my husband looked at me and said, ‘Do you wanna have sex? I mean, it’s our wedding night.’ I said, ‘Nah, I’m beat,’ and he responded, ‘Good, me too!’ We laughed, jumped in bed, and knocked out!” — Heather, 31
“We had sex on our wedding night! We didn’t plan it or talk about it at all before our wedding, so it wasn’t so much a decision as it was just something that naturally happened between us when we got to our hotel after our wedding.” — Caroline, 30
“No, we did not. It wasn’t really a decision that was made in advance, it just kind of happened that way. The day of your wedding can be stressful, and it is definitely a long day! It usually involves an early start for hair and makeup, maybe traveling from church to pictures to venue for more pictures, and then finally to your reception. But at this point, there has already been a full day of drinking and excitement. Our wedding ended at midnight, and we didn’t leave the venue until almost 1am. By the time we got back to the hotel, we were both EXHAUSTED — way too exhausted for anything but sleep!” — Becca, 29
“We had sex twice on our wedding night. It wasn’t something discussed beforehand, but we both assumed we would. I’m actually surprised we didn’t just fall asleep because it happened long after the after-party and lots of alcohol!” — Melissa, 31
“No! We hosted a destination wedding in Hawaii and rented a massive Airbnb where both of our families stayed the entire week. We knew we would be going back to the house with our family at the end of the night so there was absolutely no pressure. We had been together for five years, so there wasn’t anything riding on one night ;). We wanted to be fully present and enjoy every single second of the night together and with our people, so much so that our venue had to kick us out as we were belting Celine Dion in the pouring rain. At the end of the night, my little sister ended up sleeping in the same big king-sized bed, cuddling with us all night, and giggling about how amazing the whole day/week was. However, we did book a fancy ass suite at Turtle Bay Resort and had a few days to ourselves before we left for our honeymoon around Southeast Asia.” — Aubree, 29
“Yes. My husband and I had been together since we were 18 (got married at 27) and it was always a little agreement between us that we wouldn’t let our wedding night end without having sex. We didn’t feel pressure, but we both felt strongly about it because we felt you only get married once and it was a special night and we wanted that to be a part of our night.” — Cait, 35
“We did have sex on our wedding night. I think we just decided to for the fun of it being our wedding night.” — Nichole, 31