Obviously, Spotify Wrapped is the only personality test that matters. (Fuck off, Myers-Briggs!) And this year, the music gods added a new way to psychoanalyze ourselves with “sound towns.”
The sound town feature pairs you with a city where residents have similar listening habits. That way, we can all be annoying about Phoebe Bridgers together. According to Spotify, tourism boards didn’t just bribe them; actual science went into it. The deciding factors were simply your top artists and how often they’re streamed in other cities.
Despite 1,300 possible locations, the same three towns were the most common: Berkeley, Burlington, and Cambridge. (Also referred to as the Gay Music Bermuda Triangle.) I broke down what each sound town says about you and whether your taste in music should be questioned. Shut up, I’m an expert.
Berkeley, California
Spotify is trying to create a homosexual homeland in Berkeley California
— Dr. Poopie Esq. (@evilratperson) November 29, 2023
If your sound town was Berkeley it’s time to come out to your parents. Clearly, a gay commune, you’ll find solace in growing out your armpit hair and becoming a vegan. Or at the very least, you can listen to Mistki and pretend no one knows her like you do.
Burlington, Vermont
@dhtoomey Coziest sound town #burlington #spotifywrapped #foryou ♬ original sound – Dan Toomey
If you voted for Bernie Sanders or have a wardrobe full of flannel, it shouldn’t be a shock that you got Burlington. You get a boner for sob folk music like Noah Khan and CAAMP and wish you had a better relationship with your dad. Or as TikToker Dan Toomey described it, “Emotional white people who stress bake.” Now go buy some overpriced honey from the farmer’s market!
Cambridge, Massachusetts
spotify is trying to make a gay commune in berkeley, a lesbian commune in burlington, and a bisexual commune in cambridge
— carey (@brokebackstan) November 29, 2023
Move over Harvard and MIT, this is a bisexual town now, baby. Your entire personality is built around your sexual fluidity. Or, you just look really good with a septum piercing. Either way, it’s time to stream Harry Styles for the millionth time and argue about queerbaiting in the comments section.
Canberra, Australia
You’re not even hot enough to be located in Sydney. Sure, you have great taste (Taylor Swift, Boygenius and MUNA), but it’s not enough to get you near a beach hunk. I heard Canberra has great museums though so you can maintain your lack of a tan.
Ithaca, New York
You only drink natural wines because the “sulfites give me a hangover.” No, Janice. Alcohol gives you a hangover. Enjoy listening to Neutral Milk Hotel while hooking up with the Cornell grad who won’t shut up about his stock options.
Jakarta, Indonesia
You so badly want to be interesting. But in reality, streaming SZA and Miley Cyrus isn’t as unique as you think. At least you have a playlist loaded up while you sit in traffic.
Provo, Utah
Apparently someone got Provo, Utah as their Spotify wrapped city. I would never be the same again.
— Jace (@Lenjaczey) November 29, 2023
Wow, that’s a bummer. If you didn’t think you had anything in common with BYU students you are sadly mistaken. Perhaps it’s your nonstop streaming of showtunes but it might be time to reconsider how much you love Broadway. For everyone’s sake.
San Luis Obispo, California
I’m sorry to say… you’re a basic betch. With .8% of listeners assigned to San Luis Obispo, California, it’s literally the most common sound town to get. I wish I could tell you more about yourself, but there’s nothing unique about you to hyper analyze. Maybe try getting a hobby next year? Idk.
Santa Cruz, California
@spaghettiupmynose all of us loser music elitists should hang out sometime #spotifywrapped ♬ Cherry-coloured Funk – Cocteau Twins
Ugh, you’re so cool. Is that what you want me to say? If you’re listening to Slowdive or Deftones, you’re not like other girls. You’re probably way more annoying than most of us because you wear the word “indie” like it’s a badge of honor.
York, Great Britain
Just say you want to be on The Great British Bake Off and get it over with.
