Hello Anxiety, My Old Friend: Weekend Horoscopes December 4-6

Everyone comfortably sitting in their sweats? I mean, we’ve been sitting in sweats since March, so Thanksgiving really was just the perfect opportunity to accept that this is who we are now and embrace the overeating, makeup-free, grunge version of our 2020 selves. The stars are all about embracing the #mood so get ready for some cozy, sweatpants-friendly horoscopes.


Try something new this weekend, Sagittarius. No, that doesn’t mean you have to finally try butt stuff (unless, like, you want to). It could be as simple as attempting an intimidating recipe, or trying the whole being nice before caffeine thing. Speaking of being nice, the stars are aligning to focus on your career this weekend, too. It may be time to change your attitude at work if you’re going to get that giant raise you’ve been after. Just saying.


The stars are aligned for deep connection this weekend, Capricorn. So if you’ve been meaning to plan a quickie weekend getaway with your S.O., have a great conversation about your wants and needs, or are single and looking for something more than a hookup, this could be your opportunity. It’s also a great weekend to connect with yourself. If you’ve been trying and failing to treat yourself to lying around, or going for a run, or eating all the Thanksgiving leftovers (honestly, whatever sparks joy), this is your f*cking moment.


It’s all about relationships this weekend, Aquarius, so swipe until your fingers fall off if you’re single. If you’re paired up, use Saturday to do something physical with your S.O. that isn’t necessarily bedroom-related. Bake or cook together, go for a hike, or do a puzzle that’ll piss your partner off. Communication is the name of the game on Sunday, so take time to talk about important sh*t with people you love.


Take better care of yourself, Pisces. Honestly, with a pandemic raging, winter setting in, and general nastiness going around, it’s a good time to buy some tea, take a hot bath, go for a run, and eat your vitamins. After all that self-care, you’ll be irresistible on Sunday, so make a plan to coerce your S.O. into buying you takeout by batting your eyelashes or wearing your best leggings.


Dates ahoy, Aries. The moon is making moves to lay out a perfect setting for a romantic evening either Friday or Saturday, so grab your mate or find someone not likely to end up being f*cking weird and head out for a socially distanced dinner. Bonus points if it’s outdoors and in one of those COVID-free igloos. Sunday will be less chill, with the likelihood of a clash with someone close on the horizon. Just try to take a breath and not say anything you’ll regret later.


It’s all about your home, your family, and your nest this weekend, Taurus. Seems odd, considering you just got done with Thanksgiving, but we aren’t in a spot to question the stars. Plan to do something like water and fertilize all of your houseplants (or buy a bunch more), deep clean and steam your kitchen, or paint a random wall that you may hate later. Once you expend all that nesting energy, call your mom and let her talk at you for 20-30 minutes. She lives for it.


Schedule all your meetings for Friday afternoon, Gemini, ’cause the planets want you to communicate. Did we all laugh together? Anyway, career aside, Friday is actually good for talking and communicating, so instead of using it to work into the weekend, maybe it’s a good opportunity to call your bestie, talk to your S.O. about that thing he does that pisses you off, or call your brother and get the lowdown on his new gf. Saturday and Sunday your attention turns to your nest, so maybe it’s time to finally vacuum under and behind the furniture.


Hooray for money, Cancer. You may have felt a little anxious in regards to your bank account, what with all the holiday shopping you’ve been doing for people you love (and totally not yourself). It’s a good weekend to get a handle on your finances, so create a budget or just hide your credit card if you can’t control your impulses.


It’s all about your self-esteem this weekend, Leo. Do whatever you need to do to feel good as hell, be it a two-hour massage, face masks, or drinking that bottle of rosé you’ve been saving for a special occasion. You are a special occasion, bitch. Once your self-confidence is back, do something good for your body, like heading out for a walk or finally giving in and doing yoga with your coworkers.


Sleep and taking care of yourself are top of mind this weekend, Virgo. After a sh*tty and stressful week at work, come home and put your feet up on Friday. Pass out early and enjoy the weird dreams courtesy of the Leo moon. Saturday and Sunday, aside from sleeping in, put the focus on communicating kindly with yourself. Take a hike alone (in an area where you won’t get lost or murdered) and reflect on what would make you happy. Bonus points if it’s an answer deeper than “mimosas and brunch”.


Holy sh*t, see your friends this weekend, Libra. Although we’re still definitely in a pandemic, there’s no excuse for not having a multi-way FaceTime brunch with your besties on Saturday morning. If you can get together with one or two people outdoors while social distancing, even better.


Time to examine how much you love/hate your boss, Scorpio. If you’re getting to the point of truly being unhappy at work, then it’s time to dust off your resume, update your portfolio, and throw some jobs in the SAVED folder on Indeed. If you’re not in a position to jump ship ATM, use the weekend to do everything except whatever pertains to your 9 to 5. Get outside, watch TV mindlessly, read a book, or head to a winery.

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Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki aka Betchy Crocker writes about food, fashion, and whatever else she's in the mood to complain about for Betches and like, some other people. She resides in Asheville, NC, where she spends her time judging hipsters and holding on to her Jersey heritage and superiority. Yell at her on Instagram @sarahnowicholson