For weeks, Kourtney Kardashian has been teasing POOSH, her mysterious new lifestyle project. We explored some of the possibilities of what POOSH could be, but now we can finally stop wondering. POOSH officially launched today and…it’s basically just Kardashian-themed Goop. Well, I can’t say I’m surprised, but I was hoping for something a little more exciting than this. I’m actually a little salty, because I signed up for the email list to be notified about the launch, and then I never even got an email! I really need to be on top of the latest POOSH news, so I feel like Kourtney and her team have let me down. But whatever, I’m still addicted to this sh*t. In honor of all of Kourtney’s hard work and dedication poured into this project, let’s take a little tour of the POOSH site and see what her new lifestyle brand has to offer.
Upon heading to POOSH.com, the first thing showcased on the homepage is an interview with one other than Kris Jenner. The title of the post is “Kris Jenner On What It Takes To Be A Boss,” except they’re trying to do something interesting with the capitalization of words, so the title is actually “KRIS JENNER on What It TAKES To Be A BOSS.” I’m tired already, and I haven’t even watched the 11-minute video interview yet. The video is actually super awkward, because Kourt and Kris are sitting on a couch that’s obviously like, in the corner of one of their houses. The audio quality sounds like they’re underwater, and it’s obvious that this sh*t has a lower production budget than Kylie’s makeup tutorials.
In the interview, Kris yells at someone who coughs off camera, and she also shares some important info on how she’s such a boss. Here’s a quick rundown of what Kris Jenner’s typical morning looks like:
- Wake Up 4:30am (and for that reason, I’m out)
- Treadmill & Read News
So basically, her life is just like yours! I’m sorry, but if I have to wake up at 4:30 in the morning to be a boss bitch, it’s just never going to happen for me. I could get down with glam every morning, but that wakeup time just isn’t meant for me. After watching Kris’ mildly insightful interview, I looked at the “Related Article” suggestions, and quickly noticed that every single one is about Kourtney. Here’s a sampling of POOSH’s groundbreaking content:
“What Kourt Does Before a Big Night Out”
“Clean Beauty Products Kourt Uses Every Day”
“How Co-Sleeping Has Worked For My Family”
“The Items Kourt Always Travels With”
“Kourt And Her Friends Get A Dr. Diamond Insta-Facial”
All of these sound like great articles, but instead, I decide to check out Kourt’s “TRAVEL DIARY: Punta De Mita.” Kourtney is rich AF, so are her travel diaries stuff she actually does, or are they meant to be more accessible? Turns out, the answer is NEITHER! Kourt’s “Travel Diary” consists of two short paragraphs about how much she loves Mexico, and then a bunch of pictures of her in various swimsuits. She does say the name of the resort she stayed at, but that is the only piece of useful information in the entire post. If you’re looking for a travel guide that’s more than 160 words, check out our new Vegas Bachelorette Guide—take notes, Kourtney!
After learning about all the natural wonders of Punta De Mita, I only have the mental capacity for one more of these articles, so after scrolling past “Cool Books For Your Coffee Table” and “Ingredient Spotlight: Turmeric,” I decide to check out an article titled “How to LOOK GOOD NAKED.” (More of that capitalization I love!) Aside from telling me to hit the gym several hundred times, I’m eager to find out what tips Kourt has for tricking people into thinking I’m hot.
In the intro, Kourtney reminds us that “the most important thing to remember is to love the skin you’re in,” and the way to do this is apparently by buying a lot of stuff. The article is a glorified product list that’s split into five wildly varied categories: Scrubs, Body Creams, Hydration, Lighting, and Posture. The “Lighting” section is just a bunch of candles, so clearly the secret to looking good naked is to be in a completely dark room. Finally, a piece of advice I can actually use! Almost all of the candles are over $50, so looking good naked comes at a cost. Thanks for the hot tips, Kourt!
Throughout the site, there’s consistently a banner ad for the POOSH Instagram account, and it’s deeply unsettling. It says “WE GIVE GOOD GRAM” (not a thing), and is accompanied by a couple poorly outlined cutouts of lips. Are they Kourtney’s lips? Why? I’m not going to follow POOSH on Instagram for a multitude of reasons (mostly my ratio), but these lips are really not doing anything to persuade me.
Overall, my impression of POOSH is not that positive, but not that negative either. Basically, it’s the same thing the Kardashians tried to do a few years ago when they all had their own apps, but now it’s in website form. At least this time it’s free. I won’t deny that Kourtney is in great shape, has a great life, and seems to be reasonably knowledgable about living a healthy lifestyle, whatever that means. I’m not sure she’s a gifted writer or interviewer, but she’s rich enough to do what she wants. For me, the main issue is that I’m never going to feel okay about saying the word “POOSH” out loud.
Images: @kourtneykardashian / Instagram; POOSH / YouTube; POOSH (2)